Latest News

The Full Journey

Wed, 01 Apr 2026 22:12:34 GMT

Duke University Police Captain Rekayi Isley saw what

tragedy and loss can do to a person. He sought to contribute

to C.O.P.S. in a more meaningful way. Each year,

he participates in the Law Enforcement United (LEU)

bike ride and has served as a mentor at the C.O.P.S.

Young Adults Camp since 2017.

“It (death) can leave people, especially young people,

carrying more than they know how to express,” Captain

Isley said. “I knew if there was a space where I could

help them feel seen, supported, and safe to be themselves

again, I wanted to be a part of that.”

Over the past eight years as a Young Adults Camp mentor,

Captain Isley has observed the comprehensive effects

of LEU’s support for C.O.P.S.

“For me, it’s deeply personal,” Captain Isley explained.

“Being a part of both LEU and Young Adults Camp

means I get to see the full journey; the ride that raises

awareness and funds, and then one of the camps where

that support becomes real.”

Captain Isley knows his “why” when it comes to returning

to assist survivors. The campers remind him that

strength isn’t about never breaking down, it’s about

showing up and choosing to rebuild even when it hurts.

16 Years Have Passed

Wed, 14 Jan 2026 20:01:19 GMT

Sixteen years have passed since Chad made the ultimate sacrifice. While time moves forward, the impact of his life and service remains constant.

I am forever grateful for his bravery, his heart for others, and the example he set through his service. Today, and always, we honor his life, his service, and the legacy he left behind. We remember not only how he died, but how he lived—with purpose, honor, and love.

Forever loved. Forever remembered.

Holly Jones
Surviving Spouse of
Captain Chad Reed
Dixie County (FL) Sheriff's Office
EOW 1/14/2010
#SurvivorStories

I Didn't Think I Would Laugh Again

Wed, 06 Aug 2025 14:53:39 GMT

I didn’t think I would laugh again. I couldn’t laugh. I was mad. Not like I laughed with him. He was a goof and knew how to make us laugh. I thought it was so unfair for me to enjoy life without him. I was really mad. On August 1, 2011, my little brother, Missouri State Trooper Frederick F Guthrie Jr, and his K-9 Reed died in the line of duty while patrolling the Missouri River flooding. He was patrolling to protect the community's residents. He was there to keep watch. But who was there to protect him? I was really mad. Teresa called. They can’t find Fred. My first thought was he is out walking Reed, exploring the banks of the flood, anything - never in my wildest dreams did I think that he was gone. He was the Ultimate River Warrior! We all searched for him. We just knew he would reappear, or come back. That didn’t happen. Reed, Fred’s K-9, surfaced two days after the search, but it took many more days to find Fred. The hardest is not knowing. Wondering. How did it happen? Why did it happen? It was a horrible flood. I couldn’t be around any type of running water without hearing the rushing of the flood waters, without remembering those days. I was mad.

Enter Concerns of Police Survivors and EMDR. It was so hard for me not to feel guilty when Fred died, for I hardly laughed anymore. I actually didn’t find my true belly laugh again until I attended my first Siblings Retreat. I couldn’t be around any type of running water without hearing the rushing of the flood waters, without remembering those days. I missed his calls at 5 a.m., his big voice when he entered a room, his singing off tune - so much to remember and so much to miss. Concerns of Police Survivors introduced me to a family of other survivors that not only showed me that I would be ok, but that I could still hurt, cry, get angry, miss him, but there was another side to grieving - that was healing. And with that came a group, a family, that welcomed me with no rules; they took all my baggage, good and bad. C.O.P.S. taught me how to navigate my life without my little brother, yet still remember and honor him. Don’t let someone talk you out of connecting with this organization; don’t let someone tell you, “it’s not for everyone.” It is for everyone! Peer support is the most effective form of healing. You can never have too many family members.

I am not mad anymore. My brother believed in God, family, and the community he swore to serve and protect. He believed in the goodness of people, and if they were not good, he had a way of seeing the good in them. He served our community and served it well. His reputation spread over many miles and counties. He was funny yet serious, kind yet stern when needed, and wherever he went, he made a friend. He was a great law enforcement officer - people liked him, and he could make friends out of enemies. He was just a good person. He was a HERO, but he was so much more to me.

Thank you, C.O.P.S., for not giving up on me!!

Wendy Viers

Surviving Sibling of

Trooper Frederick Guthrie Jr.

Missouri State Highway Patrol

EOW 8/1/2011

#SurvivorStories

We Are Not Alone

Mon, 14 Jul 2025 13:29:13 GMT

C.O.P.S. has provided immense support for my family and me since my husband, Officer Kejuane Bates of the Vidalia Police Department, passed away on April 1, 2020.

April 1, 2020, is a day I will never forget; I am reminded of it daily. It was the day my world shattered—the day the love of my life, and my daughter’s father, lost his battle with COVID-19.

The local Louisiana C.O.P.S. chapter, along with the national organization, has been instrumental in guiding me through my grieving process, offering comfort and support during the most difficult times for my daughter and me. They have connected our family with valuable resources and introduced us to other families facing similar challenges.

The services provided to survivors are invaluable and life-changing. My daughter and I have attended two National Police Weeks, a Kids Camp, and, more recently in September, I participated in a Spouses event. Knowing that my daughter and I are not alone and have others to lean on has been crucial in our healing journey. The friendships we have formed with other survivors and their children are lasting and provide incredible support. I am forever grateful for this community.

The support shown to my family over nearly three years has been immeasurable. While my family and I became members of C.O.P.S. for the worst possible reason, I am deeply thankful for the membership and the support that comes with it.

Chelsea Bates

Surviving Spouse of

Officer Kejuane Bates

Chicago (IL) Police Department

EOW 4/1/2020

#SurvivorStories

A Look Into National Police Week

Tue, 15 Apr 2025 17:39:57 GMT

My first National Police Week was 22 years ago, in 2003, and I was completely unprepared for the impact it would have on my life’s trajectory. I attended as a newly trained peer from my agency, not fully understanding what National Police Week (NPW) involved or looked like, and just hoping to support others. Little did I know how much I would be helped by others. That week was the most amazing and exhausting experience of my life, fundamentally changing me as a person. I had never witnessed such incredible moments of honor and respect, nor had I ever been exposed to such profound grief and emotion.

Police Week 2003 altered the course of my life and career. Inspired by the incredible families and coworkers of survivors, I soon stepped into a full-time role of peer support at my agency and eventually became the Director of Support Services at NPW from 2006 to 2016. Along the way, I also became a surviving coworker, having lost several friends to line-of-duty deaths in 2011 and 2012. The relationships and experiences I gained through NPW were vital in emotionally preparing me to handle those difficult years. If this is your first NPW, I hope to help you prepare for the events that the week brings.

One of the hardest things to explain about Police Week is the profound pageantry surrounding both the Candlelight and Memorial Services. There are sights and sounds that will forever be etched into your memory. Whether you come from a small department or a large metropolitan area, Police Week is the only event where thousands of officers from across the country and the world come together to pay respect to our fallen heroes.

I truly believe that the Candlelight Service is something every law enforcement officer should attend at least once in their life. Amid the day-to-day chaos of being a police officer, we often lose sight of the honor that this job deserves—that the call to public service is a true sacrifice for both the officers and their families. The Candlelight Service is a moment where tens of thousands gather to honor the fallen, allowing you to visually grasp what the thin blue line represents. Standing shoulder to shoulder with thousands, holding a candle during a moment of silence, you will understand that the Blue Family is much more than you ever imagined; it’s a living and breathing force of nature where justice, honor, and integrity hold immense significance.

The Memorial Service on the lawn of the U.S. Capitol is a solemn event of solidarity, where thousands of honor guards from around the world line up to pay their respects as the families arrive. There is truly nothing like it, and it can be overwhelming in its beauty. My advice is to soak it all in and recognize that everyone involved is present specifically for you—the families of the fallen. While you may have already attended services and memorials for your officer back home, you have never experienced anything quite like this.

For many of you, this will be the final memorial service in your journey of grief, so embrace it and share the moment with other survivors. It is a long and emotional day, but I assure you that it is worth it.

Above all, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of attending the workshops and seminars provided by Concerns of Police Survivors (C.O.P.S.) for families and coworkers. Led by some of the best counselors and mental health professionals in the world, these programs are designed to allow you to share the uniqueness of your own grief and to recognize that you are not alone in your journey. Many officers and families attending Police Week often spend the time between the Candlelight and the Memorial Service sightseeing, missing out on these crucial seminars and workshops intended to help you understand and navigate your grief. Do everything you can to attend these events—they are some of the most healing moments you can experience as a survivor.

One of the most surprising aspects of my inaugural Police Week was the number of families and coworkers who return year after year. I initially assumed that most people I was meeting were first-year survivors, but I quickly realized that many returning survivors come specifically to give back and help those who are newly grieving. They understand the journey because they have walked in your shoes, making it a truly humbling experience.

Many of us struggle to express our grief appropriately. I challenge you to utilize the resources available during Police Week and take the opportunity to grieve with others who are on the same path as you. The support services staff are trained peers and counselors who have their own journeys of grief and are there to assist you. I encourage you to take their advice and listen to their insights and expertise.

Somewhere around 2012 or 2013, several peers and I were sitting together one night after Police Week, discussing how incredible and healing the experience was. We contemplated what it would be like after our retirements to create a nonprofit organization that provided the same type of support staff year-round, rather than just one week a year, to help departments and families dealing with tragedy. This conversation sparked the idea for the Warriors Rest Foundation. The partnership between Warriors Rest and C.O.P.S. was established through Police Week, and its mission is carried out every day across our country. When you visit the Support Services desk, be sure to learn about the resources available to you, your family, and your department through C.O.P.S. and Warriors Rest. It is our honor and privilege to assist you.

While I understand that this is a week no one wishes to attend, I hope you recognize its value for surviving family members and coworkers.

National Police Week was established to honor our fallen heroes, and while it fulfills that mission, it has also committed to supporting families and coworkers, ensuring that you will never have to walk alone.

Our officers deserve the honor and respect bestowed upon them this week in remembrance of their sacrifice, and so do the surviving families.

Dan Phillips

Chief Deputy U.S. Marshal (Retired)

Unsure

Wed, 12 Mar 2025 13:54:59 GMT

Most individuals have months, dates, years that live with them forever due to the memories that happen throughout their lives. This is no different for Mike and Melita Whitfield and their family. On July 24, 1999, Mike and Melita rejoiced and celebrated the marriage of their youngest son, Marty, only to have life come full circle for them less than three weeks later when their oldest son, Deputy Marcus Whitfield, was killed in the line of duty.

Like many survivors, the loss of their son made them feel lost in their grief and unsure of where to turn. “We had no idea which direction to go,” Melita explained “As we went along, people reached out to us from C.O.P.S., a lady by the name of Beverly Coates. She helped us out a lot.”

Experiencing peer-support during the grieving process allows for connection and growth. After meeting others that have been through the death of a child, Mike and Melita realized they had others to lean on and who they could truly relate to through the loss of their son.

“C.O.P.S. has helped us a lot over the years,” Mike said. “From the connections we have made to even learning about how to navigate the difficult trial process.”

2024 marked the 25th anniversary of their son's end of watch. Mike and Melita look to continue honoring Marcus by continuing to assist other surviving parents during a time no parent should ever have to experience.

Mike and Melita Whitfield

Surviving Parents of

Deputy Marcus Whitfield

Greenville County Sheriff's Office

EOW 8/13/1999

Giving Back

Wed, 05 Mar 2025 14:41:32 GMT

Growing up, Amanda Walker Rose recalls being a close family that did virtually everything together. It was important to her father, California Highway Patrol Lieutenant Michael Walker. When he received the gift of spending both Thanksgiving and Christmas with his own family in 2005, Lieutenant Walker volunteered to work New Year’s Eve so that other officers could enjoy the holiday with their families. That evening, Lieutenant Walker succumbed to injuries he sustained when he was struck by a vehicle.

“We found out early the next morning and our lives were turned upside down,” Amanda said.

Four months later, Amanda and her family found themselves at National Police Week (NPW) honoring and remembering her dad. They were all searching for ways to navigate their grief on their own.

“May of 2006 was my first introduction to C.O.P.S.,” Amanda explained. “It was the very first time that I was in a room with people that ‘got it.’”

Following NPW, Amanda attended Kids Camp, Outward Bound®, and Adult Children’s Retreat. Now as an adult, she gives back to these programs by mentoring at both Kids Camp and Young Adults Camp.

“Getting to come back as a mentor is a childhood dream come true,” Amanda said, “I couldn’t help but have the attitude that if I got through it and I am finding my way through I can give back to other kids that are doing it.”

In December 2023, Amanda obtained her degree in Psychology/Counseling, noting her grief journey and experience C.O.P.S. directly influenced her career path. Having a first-hand perspective, she looks forward to providing a comforting support system as a mentor to surviving children well into the future.

Amanda Walker Rose

Surviving Adult Child of

Lieutenant Michael Walker

California Highway Patrol

EOW 12/31/2005

Her Passion

Wed, 26 Feb 2025 17:09:17 GMT

Kim Cessna was just 15 years old when she started volunteering at her local state park. As she connected with the conservation officers, she became interested in the field of law enforcement for her future, later interning with the conservation police and securing her path.

Kim started her career with the Urbana (IL) Police Department and switched to the Illinois State Police, retiring in 2020. It was during this time that she lost two friends and co-workers in the line of duty; Sergeant Rodney Miller (EOW 5/12/2006) and Trooper Ryan Albin (EOW 6/28/2017).

Kim found out that her state had an incredible C.O.P.S. Chapter. Even more so, she fell in love with their successful bicycle fundraising ride, Cycle Across Illinois. Coupled with her love of riding and honoring her fallen brothers and sisters, her passion for helping survivors led her to serve in a greater capacity within C.O.P.S. She has since served as a mentor at both Kids Camp and Young Adults Camp, represented on the Strategic Planning Committee, and was elected as Illinois C.O.P.S. Chapter President in 2024. For her efforts, Kim was awarded the Charles Shinholser Award for Volunteerism during National Police Week 2024.

“Throughout my law enforcement career, I received many awards and recognitions. But winning the volunteer award was on a whole different level because this organization is full of people who deserve this award,” Kim said. “I am humbled each time I am asked to be a part of something C.O.P.S. related. I am forever eternally grateful to the families and the life-long friendships I have because of C.O.P.S., and I will continue to be so ridiculously passionate about this organization that people think I am a little crazy.”

A common statement by surviving co-workers is that they don’t think of themselves as survivors, but Kim has a different perspective and some advice on that. “This organization is for us, stop excluding yourself because you don't feel like you are a survivor,” Kim said. “Give it a try and just keep showing up for things. I will 100% guarantee after you take the first step, you will realize this is the family you didn't know you needed.”

Kim Cessna

Surviving Co-Worker of

Illinois State Police

Sergeant Rodney Miller

EOW 5/12/2006

Trooper Ryan Albin

EOW 6/28/2017

#SurvivorStories

Miss Sunshine

Wed, 05 Feb 2025 15:56:45 GMT

"Miss Sunshine" was an appropriate nickname for New York City Police Detective Shantay Neal-Baker, EOW 8/14/2021. Her sister Trina Neal-Mitchell explains how she had an undeniable ability to see the positive, flip the situation, and convince you to see the positive. She always saw the good in everybody.

When Trina talks about her sister, she is most proud of how she set out to change the narrative of policing, especially in the rougher areas of New York City. Trina said, "She wanted to go into the troubled communities and be the person who built bridges and established trust. She wanted to erase the negative stereotypes that certain communities had about law enforcement."

When her sister succumbed to complications from COVID-19, Trina made it her mission to make sure that everything that was good about her sister lived on. “Tay Day” was created and is now held around September 17th, Shantay’s birthday.

"Tay Day" is a day for the community to gather and gain resources that empower people of all ages. Some of the resources available are reading circles sponsored by the Department of Education and public library, wellness screenings from the American Cancer Society, and a Lupus Walk held in Shantay’s name as she was once an ambassador of the Lupus Foundation.

Trina started attending her local Metro New York C.O.P.S. chapter meetings, now serving as Trustee. “When we get that call that another officer has fallen, we go to the family and let them know we will cry with you and be there with you. We are proof that you don’t ever forget, but you can take your pain, and you can get to the other side of it,” Trina said. “We empower each other.”

Trina has also taken on the role of committee chair for “Friendsgiving”, which is an event that invites all local law enforcement personnel who play a role in lifting up survivors to gather for a meal and allow the survivors to say, “thank you.” Trina said, “We want to make them smile.”

To her fellow survivors, Trina says, “You owe it to your hero to put one foot in front of the other. I want you to love on yourself and do something that your hero would want you to do for yourself. They want you to be happy and healthy. You’re not being disloyal to them to hit pause on the pity party. Leave it there for a moment and laugh again. Do something beautiful for you as a gift to you from your loved one.”

Trina Neal-Mitchell
Surviving Sibling of
Detective Shantay Neal-Baker
New York City (NY) Police Department
EOW 8/14/2021
#SurvivorStories

Forever Grateful

Fri, 31 Jan 2025 15:05:55 GMT

I was overwhelmed with the amount of support available throughout my entire experience, from our honor guard from Cook County taking care of every need to the Illinois COPS program making sure that my family and I were Ok. Without Illinois C.O.P.S., there's no way that I would have been able to attend such an exceptional emotional event honoring my late husband, Allen Giacchetti.

I also need to extend my sincere gratitude to Caitlyn and Debbie from Illinois and the entire C.O.P.S. organization; none of this would have been possible without them.

I will be forever grateful.

Angela Giacchetti
Surviving Spouse of
Officer Allen Giacchetti
Cook County (IL) Sheriff's Office
EOW 4/30/2021
#SurvivorStories

Thank You, C.O.P.S.

Tue, 20 Aug 2024 15:01:08 GMT

My Brother, Deputy Brandon J. Nielsen was a police officer for St. John the Baptist Parish in Laplace, Louisiana. He was killed in the line of duty on

August 16th, 2012. Brandon was a cops’ cop, loved what he did, and loved being a part of his community. Brandon loved his motorcycles and always

said he was making it do what it does, in his Louisiana accent. Brandon was a jokester and can be so crude, but so loving at the same time. He was and

still is the best brother I could ever ask for. Anyone would be so lucky to have met and been a part of his life. He left behind 2 daughters who were 6 and

13 when he was killed, 3 step-sons, our parents, and 1 niece who was 3 at the time of his death. There isn't a day that goes by that he is not missed

or talked about. I hope I am making him proud every day.

I was introduced to the C.O.P.S. organization exactly 1 year after my brother was killed. I attended Sibling's retreat in 2013 for the first time and

at first, was not wanting to be there. I am such a people person, but being there thinking I was the only one who suffered such a great, tragic loss

was not something I wanted to re-live again and again. Being there in 2013, I realized that I was not alone, I was no longer the "only child", and I met

other siblings who were going through the same thing I was. My brother's death was felonious and having to go through the court system was not fun,

but knowing others were going through the same thing, really did help me. I have attended Siblings Retreat every year after that and found my group

of siblings my brother left me after his untimely death. Each year I went with different feelings, and my "Siblings" were there every step of the way to make

sure I was not alone in those thoughts. They really helped me through my healing process and some of them were even at my wedding in 2021, attended my wedding, and even officiated my wedding. I felt as though my brother was there the entire time because I was able to share that special day with my newfound Siblings that came from my brother.

Without the C.O.P.S. organization and the Hands-On-Programs of Siblings Retreat, I do not know where I would be physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I cannot thank this organization enough for healing me when I needed healing, protecting me when I needed protection, and helping me navigate through

this new life I was given. I cannot thank this organization enough for having me not be the "only child" anymore, and for bringing me the people I needed

the most to go through life together and love on and be loved on. Thank you C.O.P.S and all my Siblings for saving my life.

JJ Granger

Surviving Sibling of

Deputy Brandon J. Nielsen

St. John the Baptist Parish (LA) Sheriff's Office

EOW 8/16/12

#SurvivorStories

Blue Family

Tue, 02 Jul 2024 15:13:52 GMT

I’m the daughter of Officer Charles D. Cole Jr., a long time officer at the Nassau County Police Department in New York. My Dad helped with rescue and recovery at ground zero after 9/11 and succumbed to 9/11 related brain cancer that spread throughout his body on August 14, 2011.

Before his cancer diagnoses, my Dad was full of life, had an amazing sense of humor and was always referred to as a cops cop. He was always making jokes and pulling pranks, and loved his job with a passion. Not only was he a police officer, but he was also a firefighter and started off as an EMT in NYC, so he did it all. Once he became sick, the strong funny guy we all knew and loved slowly faded away, the hardest part of this all was watching him turn into another person, practically helpless. It was heartbreaking, especially when you’re only 15/16 and have your whole life with him ahead of you. I often think about the what if’s and how life would be with him here. It’s hard, but I know he’s with me every day.

I’ve met so many amazing people after my Dads passing and C.O.P.S has also been a huge support system for my family. It’s a beautiful thing to have a family in blue also, I appreciate every one of them. I will always honor my father and will always proudly back the blue.

Meagan Cole

Surviving Adult Child of

Officer Charles Cole Jr.

Nassau County (NY) Police Department

EOW 8/14/2011

#SurvivorStories

June Murdock -- Dianne Bernhard

Tue, 11 Jun 2024 13:30:02 GMT

"To all, I am so sad to tell you that June Murdock, Surviving Co-Worker of Alexandria (LA) Police Officers Jeremy 'Jay' Carruth, David Ezernack, EOW 2/20/2003 and Patrolman Brian Coleman 2/21/2007, passed away last night around 9 PM. June was an incredible lady who gave so much of herself to others. She spent her whole life in service to others. Her goal at National Police Week (NPW) was to find the new survivors who looked the most lost to make them more comfortable and to make it just a bit easier for them. And she did. What a gift she was to C.O.P.S. and many of us personally. She will be so missed. I know

many of you worked very closely with her and the volunteers at NPW. My deepest condolences to all who knew and loved her, especially her husband Rusty,

her family, and her best friend Ms. Pat."

- Dianne Bernhard, Executive Director of Concerns of Police Survivors

Together

Wed, 05 Jun 2024 19:32:35 GMT

Growing up, Gabrielle (Leon) and Wyatt Woodrell shared a bond that many youths in America would never think about; both had their father die in the line of duty. Gabrielle and Wyatt met each other while in attendance at C.O.P.S. Kids Camp.

The pair have always been close and knew that they could always reach out to one another for support when they needed it. Knowing that they had a peer who truly cared and understood what they were going through made all the difference in their respective grief journeys.

“In every different phase of life there is always this unspoken thing," Gabrielle said. "You hit a new life milestone and dad’s not here. While this is happening, I think it is a very special thing that when I hit these milestones, I have someone next to me who understands because they are going through the same exact things.”

Since meeting at Kids Camp in 2005 their relationship has blossomed and the happy couple find themselves building their lives together as they are now married. Through C.O.P.S. and their relationship, Gabrielle and Wyatt have been able to find support and continue to build their lives. Both have begun mentoring at C.O.P.S. Kids Camp to assist the organization, and child survivors in any way they can.

“I just felt the need to give back, it was something I knew I needed to do," Wyatt said. "Kids Camp had and still has such a significant impact on me. I remember having amazing mentors to look up to and lean on and that’s what I want to be for my groups, I want to provide them with hope and encouragement.”

Moving forward, both Gabrielle and Wyatt want to continue to be involved with C.O.P.S. Kids Camp

Gabrielle and Wyatt Woodrell

Surviving Children of

Cleveland (OH) Police Officer Wayne Leon,

EOW 6/25/2000

Pawnee County (OK) Sheriff Dwight C. Woodrell, Jr.,

EOW 10/13/2001

I Was Lost

Wed, 29 May 2024 13:09:45 GMT

Susan Green remembers her husband, Oklahoma Highway Patrol Captain George Green, Jr., EOW 10/26/2010, as someone who was always dedicated to his career in law enforcement. Even on the blind date they were set up to meet on.

“He broke our first date to work a vehicular homicide of a 16-year-old boy who was hit and killed while riding his bike,” Susan said. “He thought he knew who did it so on his day off, he drove around to find the van, got a warrant, and the suspect was arrested. So, he broke our first date.”

They would officially go out four days later, fell in love, and were married in 1981. Susan says George loved being a trooper. He was dedicated to his profession, but he was also a loving, caring, hands-on dad to their two sons.

“After his accident I was lost. My faith in God calmed me and helped me have some sort of peace. My boys became my rock,” Susan said, explaining other family, friends, and neighbors also stepped in to help.

Susan got involved with the Oklahoma C.O.P.S. Chapter, where she served as Chapter President. “It has helped me heal to be there for new survivors. I hope I make the grief process easier,” Susan said. “It is hard to have hope when it first happens, but I hope I help them see that life will get easier.”

Susan continues to attend National Police Week so she can help families through such an emotional week. On the law enforcement side, she works with the Warrior’s Rest Foundation where she has learned so much more of the struggles her husband kept to himself.

“My first event as Oklahoma C.O.P.S. President was a Traumas of Law Enforcement Training. I remember hearing things and thinking ‘my husband did that,’ and I didn’t understand that he was dealing with traumatic memories,” Susan said. “The more I learned, I knew there was a need that Warrior’s Rest could be part of the answer.”

To her fellow survivors, Susan wants everyone to remember to be kind to yourself, especially in the first year. “At my first retreat, I saw spouses who were 10 to 20 years out from their officer’s death. They were laughing and that gave me hope that it may not always be so hard,” Susan said. “Understand that some days, just getting out of bed is an accomplishment. Don’t feel like you have to be strong all the time.”

Susan Green

Surviving Spouse of

Captain George Green Jr.

Oklahoma Highway Patrol

EOW 10/26/2010

#SurvivorStories

Worthy Cause

Tue, 21 May 2024 18:35:43 GMT

Sheila Jones’ life was going down a different career path when she saw a police and fire department recruiting ad from the city of Fredericksburg (VA). Sheila was immediately interested, but took note the department lacked diversity. With no other African American on the force, Sheila didn’t think she stood a chance. That all changed when she got the call, passed all tests, and made the Fredericksburg Police Department her home for 30 years.

A wife and mother of two, Sheila had found her passion. She worked her way up in the ranks. Serving as Late Shift Watch Commander on June 8, 2008, a “BOLO” was released for an armed suspect involved in a domestic incident. Sheila

responded and her friend and co-worker, Officer Todd Bahr, provided back up. As the suspect fled, a gunfight ensued, ending with the suspect taking his own life. As the scene cleared, Sheila and other responding officers found that Officer Bahr had been shot and killed.

“After the shooting, I had the initial feeling of guilt. This was the first officer that had died in the line of duty in 44 years in our department and being the

supervisor in charge, I felt that I was responsible,” Sheila said. “After counseling and prayer, I realized that we all were where we were supposed to be and

others could have been hurt or killed if we were not.”

Sheila’s husband, Keith, also served with the department and stood by her. In 2009, along with their agency’s support, they created “Team Fredericksburg” for Law Enforcement United (LEU) to ride in honor of their fallen friend. Officer Bahr’s mother, Kathy, also joined the team. Sheila and Keith have been involved ever since LEU’s inception, serving in different support and fundraising roles. After retiring in 2013, Sheila worked as a part-time Deputy with the

Fredericksburg Sheriff’s Office and took on the role of President of the entire LEU Virginia Division.

“Every year, I am so proud to see the members of LEU come together for such a worthy cause, knowing that each person there has a story of why they are there,” Sheila said. “Each and every person there is supporting the families of the fallen officers and doing something to help them and show that they care."

As one of the original members of LEU, Sheila has been a large part of how much the organization has grown. She looks forward to watching each team grow and new divisions expand across the nation so they can increase support to C.O.P.S. and the other law enforcement organizations they support.

Sheila Jones

Surviving Co-Worker of

Officer Todd Bahr

Fredericksburg (VA) Police Department

EOW 6/6/2008

#SurvivorStories

Every Way They Can

Mon, 06 May 2024 18:22:56 GMT

If you have attended C.O.P.S. Kids Camp as an attendee, volunteer, staff member or even as a visitor there is a good chance that you have seen or heard the Renegade Pigs and the Wisconsin C.O.P.S. Chapter. Furthermore, if you have then you have more than likely been introduced or assisted by either John or Nicole Hefley.

From handing out sheets and towels on day one of camp, to serving ice cream to the campers on Law Enforcement Night, the Hefleys are heavily involved with providing support at Kids Camp.

“We truly enjoy being able to assist with Kids Camp every year," Nicole said. "Being able to provide support and give back is so important, and getting involved with the chapter has allowed us to assist at an even deeper level.”

Yes, John and Nicole provide an abundance of support and assistance through C.O.P.S. Kids Camp, but that is not all they do. Since getting involved with Kids Camp, John and Nicole have had co-workers die in the line of duty. Thus, changing their status from supporters to survivors.

“After we had a co-worker die in the line of duty, we knew we had to get more invested into the organization,” John said.

Nicole has gone on to hold various positions within their local Wisconsin Chapter, allowing her to assist survivors not only at Kids Camp, but through their chapter as well.

As for the future, John and Nicole look to continue to assist C.O.P.S. and provide support for the organization’s mission in any and every way they can.

Nicole and John Hefley

Surviving Co-Workers of

Officer Michael Michalski, EOW 7/25/2018 &

Officer Mark Lentz, EOW 9/18/2019

Milwaukee (WI) Police Department

#SurvivorStories

Giving Back

Wed, 24 Apr 2024 14:15:17 GMT

Following the death of their son, Oregon State Highway Patrol Trooper Scott Lyons – EOW 9/2/1997, Barb and Bill Lyons felt support from C.O.P.S. from the local Oregon Chapter. Ensuring that they would not walk alone on their grief journey.

“They sought us out," Bill said. "They provided support at the memorial service in both Oregon and D.C., alongside attending other local event. They stepped up and showed us so much support.”

After seeing the assistance that their local chapter was providing them, Bill and Barb both decided that they needed to get involved. They wanted to make sure that they were giving back through the organization that provided them with so much, alongside building up areas within the chapter to best assist survivors.

“We want to assist and provide the families with who we are and what we as an organization can provide them with," Barb said. "We let them know that we are here for them and look to build relationships that create a lifelong friendship.”

One way that Bill and Barb have been providing assistance and support has been by planning the Oregon Chapter Holiday Gathering. “I said to myself, we have to do something with this," Barb said. "We wanted to ensure that the officers are honored, but we have to see where everyone is at. They (the survivors) have to be able to both laugh and/or cry if that is what they need.”

Moving forward, Bill and Barb look forward to continuing their involvement with their local chapter and, of course, to making survivors' holiday season special.

Bill & Barb Lyons

Surviving Parents of

Trooper Scott Lyons

Oregon State Police

EOW 9/2/1997

#SurvivorStories

Getting Involved

Fri, 05 Apr 2024 14:03:57 GMT

For Lucia Canales and her family, jumping into C.O.P.S. and feeling the love and support the organization brings didn’t take long following the death of her brother, Houston (TX) Police Officer Henry Canales, EOW 6/23/2009.

"Our department is amazing. Directly after the death of my
brother, they took and provided a bunch of our information to C.O.P.S. We attended events and saw the support that the
organization gives to survivors," Lucia said. "I knew immediately that I wanted to find out more about the organization, and I wanted to get involved."

Getting involved is exactly what Lucia has done since 2010. From holding positions within her Chapter Board, to attending/assisting with chapter events, she also makes sure to attend Siblings Retreat as often as she possibly can. Support is what this organization is built on, and it is something that Lucia's family have experienced firsthand and want to relay to other survivors.

“I jumped in directly after figuring out what C.O.P.S. was all about," Lucia said. "It all went so quickly that I even got voted into the Chapter’s vacant Secretary position after speaking with the Chapter President while attending my first Siblings Retreat.”

As Lucia continues to provide outreach and support, she is also looking into ways that she can get younger survivors involved. “I want younger survivors to be involved with our chapter," Lucia said. "As we progress, they are going to be the future of facilitating our chapter and the support we provide our survivors.”

As far as what the future holds for Lucia, she wants to continue to be involved both locally through her chapter and nationally by attending events and providing peer support. She recognizes that her healing process has developed into assisting others. She sees that survivors are in similar shoes that she wore 5 – 8 – 10 years ago, and helping them progress along their journey with grief allows her to do the same on her path.

“I am coming up on 15 years," Lucia said. "I recognize that I get a lot of satisfaction from helping people. It has become my calling.”

Lucia Canales
Surviving Sibling of
Officer Henry Canales
Houston (TX) Police Department
EOW 08/01/2011
#SURVIVORSTORIES

Tami's Jammies

Tue, 05 Mar 2024 14:11:36 GMT

When my brother, Rich, was violently murdered in the line of duty, my entire life came to a standstill. At the time, my mom had just been declared

cancer-free after a fight with breast cancer that both Rich and I helped her through. This is a story of how sewing and a group of people helped me move

through grief and find a level of calmness that has sustained to this day.

I took a leave of absence from my job as a high school vice principal, which ultimately turned into early retirement. My days consisted of dragging myself out

of bed to get the kids to school, and then spending all day in bed until they came home. I wore only pajamas. I started to volunteer for my local C.O.P.S. chapter. That educator/nurturer piece of me started to surface again.

Over the next few years, I started sewing during the day while the kids were at school after my mom suggested I do something creative with my time and use

the sewing machine she gave me. Pajamas are easy to make and I started giving them out to friends. As an added bonus, they were a cheap way to stay dressed as I slowly gained what I like to call “Grief Weight.” I just smiled and nodded as people started to equate pajama pants with me. Little did they know that not

only could I not bring myself to buy larger clothes, I could not afford them and pajamas are comfortable.

My emotional trauma was shocked again when my mom died unexpectedly. Six months after her death I was making pajama pants every day just to always

feel her with me. I came up with the name “Tami’s Jammies” and it just felt right.

For National Police Week 2018, a good friend made blue line sling backpacks with Rich’s badge number, 33, on them. We got tons of comments and inquiries

as to where to get them. The Blue Line Bag business began.

Here I am today spending four to five hours a day sewing, enjoying the peace of it. When I get a Blue Line Bag order, I take the time to look up the officer and

think about the family. I feel a great sense of pride when I send a finished bag off to a survivor.

My emotional well-being is recharged each year at the Siblings Retreat. There is something so valuable about spending time with people who know exactly what I am going through. I saw my mom start to smile again after she attended the Parent’s Retreat. There is a group of moms that truly helped her move forward in a positive direction.

I can never thank the C.O.P.S. organization enough for what it has done for me and my family. I am donating $5 for every bag sold to C.O.P.S. to help them further their mission of Rebuilding Shattered Lives. In my own small way, maybe I can help pay for other families to have the same support I have had.

To check out Tami’s Jammies, visit www.tamisjammies.com

Tami McMillan

Surviving Sibling of

Officer Rich May

EOW 1/7/2006

#SurvivorStories

Coming Together

Thu, 12 Oct 2023 13:40:38 GMT

On July 21, 2009, Jersey City (NJ) Police Detective Marc Anthony DiNardo was shot while pursuing two murder suspects. After transport to a nearby hospital, Detective DiNardo succumbed to his wounds. He left behind his wife, Mary, and three children; Gwendolyn, Marc Anthony II, and Ella, all of whom were under the age of five.

“In the early days, I just wanted to make sure my kids were okay,” Mary said. “We connected with the Garden State C.O.P.S. Chapter to be taken to the National Law Enforcement Officers’ Memorial Wall in April so we could see Marc’s name engraved.” It was during this trip that Mary found that everyone on that bus understood what her family was feeling. Mary added, “We needed C.O.P.S. because they get it.”

A month later, the DiNardo family attended National Police Week with the Garden State C.O.P.S. Chapter assisting them every step of the way. “I remember going into orientation and having a mother grab me and hug me, because she knew it was exactly what I needed,” Mary said.

In the years that have followed, the DiNardo family have attended Spouses Retreat, Kids Camp, and Young Adults Camp. Now 14 years later, they have made friendships that will last a lifetime.

“I still have days where it hits me that my dad isn’t going to be there for important things,” Gwendolyn said, “I get through these feelings by knowing that I am not alone and that I can always reach out to my friends I have met through C.O.P.S. that will support me.”

Having grown up with C.O.P.S., the DiNardo children discussed the possibility of going back to Kids Camp as mentors. For Mary, the idea of running for a position on the National Board is not out of the question, now that her children are older and she can give more of her time. The reason is simple and Mary said it best, “C.O.P.S. is life-changing.”

Mary, Gwendolyn, Marc Anthon II and Ella DiNardo
Surviving Family Members of
Detective Marc Anthony DiNardo
Jersey City (NJ) Police Department
EOW 7/21/2009
#SurvivorStories

They Get It

Fri, 29 Sep 2023 14:02:26 GMT

Matt Bloesch was a typical 13-year-old trying to find his place in the world. His dad was his best friend who he respected and looked to for guidance. Matt’s world was completely shattered on August 2, 1988, when his dad, San Francisco (CA) Police Officer James Bloesch, was accidentally shot and killed while on duty.

Through the rest of his teen years and into adulthood, Matt became fiercely independent and distracted himself with sports, partying, and eventually his career. “I was good at things like work because there was an instruction manual. But I never learned how to be a good dad, husband, or friend because I never learned how to deal with my emotions,” said Matt.

Matt’s world started to collapse around him and he knew he needed help. Matt said, “I was trapped for a long time because I thought I was the only one suffering and feeling the way I felt. When other people opened up to me about what they were going through, I no longer felt alone, and I felt safe talking about all of the dark things that had been running around in my head.”

Getting his life back on track meant Matt was ready to focus on his future. Wanting to be like his dad and work in a field where he could help people every day, Matt took courses in Administration of Justice. “Ten minutes into my first law class, I knew that law enforcement was my calling. I have loved every day of this career.”

Matt and his wife, Karen, attend the C.O.P.S. Adult Children’s Retreat each June. In 2022, Matt was grateful for the opportunity to serve as a mentor at both Kids Camp and Young Adults Camp. Matt said, “They were both great experiences, but I related more to the young adults because I remember being that age and trying to navigate life without my dad. Life between the ages of 15-20 were the hardest years of my life. I talked about some of the things I dealt with at that age, the mistakes I made, where I wish I would have zigged instead of zagged, and the things that really helped me through those years.”

Knowing how lonely losing a parent at that age can feel, Matt wants every surviving child to know he is at least one person who truly “gets it.” The advice he gives is this, “Be good to yourself. Your parent that you lost loved you very much. The best thing you can do to honor them is to live a whole and happy life and carry on the legacy. This is something I learned along the way, after having my own kids. I want them to be happy and healthy. If anything ever happened to me, I would still want them to be happy
and healthy, and to remember me by doing their part to make the world a better place.”

Matt Bloesch
Surviving Adult Child of
Officer James Bloesch
San Francisco (CA) Police Department
EOW 8/2/1988

#SurvivorStories

They Convinced Me

Thu, 07 Sep 2023 17:42:23 GMT

Following the death of her brother, Iowa State Trooper Mark Toney, EOW 9/20/2011, Debbie Wiseman was looking for someone to understand what she was going through. It didn’t take long before she was put in contact with the Illinois C.O.P.S. Chapter and other surviving siblings who had walked in her shoes.

“They convinced me to attend my first “Sibs” Retreat in 2012,” Debbie said. “I made sure to drive myself, in case it was just crying for three straight days. I was done with the crying and hoping to be away from it. I came in and met some truly amazing people, and I have been back about every year since.”

Since attending that first Siblings Retreat, Debbie has devoted herself to not just taking care of her own grief needs, but to assisting other survivors with theirs. She recognizes that everybody needs a listening ear of someone who has lived through the experience and can truly relate.

“I had people there for me who understood,” Debbie said. “I want to make sure that I am there for others and their families, to make sure they have someone helping them like we did.”

The Illinois C.O.P.S. Chapter won the Chapter of the Year Award during National Police Week 2022. Their service to Illinois survivors is incredible, and Debbie is a big part of that. She currently serves as Vice President of the Chapter Board, as well as the Family Liaison where she is one of the first to connect with surviving families after a line-of-duty death.

“If I can help a survivor in any way, I will,” Debbie said. “Assisting others helps me remember my brother. In many ways, his death has made me a better person; it has pushed me out of my comfort zone and allows me to build connections that I would have otherwise never made.”

Debbie Wiseman

Surviving Sibling of

Trooper Mark Toney

Iowa State Patrol

EOW 9/20/2011

#SurvivorStories

They Get It

Wed, 30 Aug 2023 11:45:00 GMT

On July 21, 2009, Jersey City (NJ) Police Detective Marc Anthony DiNardo was shot while pursuing two murder suspects. After transport to a nearby

hospital, Detective DiNardo succumbed to his wounds. He left behind his wife, Mary, and three children; Gwendolyn, Marc Anthony II, and Ella, all of whom

were under the age of five.

“In the early days, I just wanted to make sure my kids were okay,” Mary said. “We connected with the Garden State C.O.P.S. Chapter to be taken to the

National Law Enforcement Officers’ Memorial Wall in April so we could see Marc’s name engraved.” It was during this trip that Mary found that everyone on

that bus understood what her family was feeling. Mary added, “We needed C.O.P.S. because they get it.”

A month later, the DiNardo family attended National Police Week with the Garden State C.O.P.S. Chapter assisting them every step of the way. “I remember

going into orientation and having a mother grab me and hug me, because she knew it was exactly what I needed,” Mary said.

In the years that have followed, the DiNardo family have attended Spouses Retreat, Kids Camp, and Young Adults Camp. Now 14 years later, they have

made friendships that will last a lifetime.

“I still have days where it hits me that my dad isn’t going to be there for important things,” Gwendolyn said, “I get through these feelings by knowing that I

am not alone and that I can always reach out to my friends I have met through C.O.P.S. that will support me.”

Having grown up with C.O.P.S., the DiNardo children discussed the possibility of going back to Kids Camp as mentors. For Mary, the idea of running for a

position on the National Board is not out of the question, now that her children are older and she can give more of her time. The reason is simple and Mary

said it best, “C.O.P.S. is life-changing.”

Mary, Gwendolyn, Ella & MarcAnthony Dinardo

Surviving Spouse and Children of

Detective Marc Anthony DiNardo

Jersey City (NJ) Police Department

EOW 7/21/2009

#SurvivorStories

Random

Fri, 25 Aug 2023 11:45:00 GMT

Randomly stumbled across this picture today. Thinking of and missing you, Dad!

Madilynn Kendricks-Bush

Surviving Adult Child of

Patrolman Rodney Kendricks

Lubbock (TX) Police Department

EOW 7/8/2001

#SurvivorStories

Truly Amazing People

Wed, 26 Jul 2023 11:45:00 GMT

“I had people there for me who understood,” Debbie said. “I want to make sure that I am there for others and their families, to make sure they have someone helping them like we did.”

Debbie Wiseman

Surviving Sibling of

Trooper Mark Toney

Iowa State Patrol

EOW 9/20/2011

#SurvivorStories

Support System

Fri, 21 Jul 2023 11:45:00 GMT

Deputy U.S. Marshal Josie Wells and his wife Channing had just purchased land in Mississippi, they were pregnant with their first son, and Channing had recently graduated with her college degree. You have just graduated and obtained your degree, you are pregnant with a son after trying for so long, and you have just purchased 10 acres in a rural community to build a home. That “American Dream” as Channing refers to it, was turned upside down when her husband was shot and killed on March 10, 2015.

“Everything was falling into place; we had just started clearing the land to build our home after finding out we were pregnant around Christmas in 2014,” Channing said. “Fast forward to today; I constructed our dream home like we had planned and Josie Jr. was born.”

As Channing was continuing to build a future for herself and Josie Jr., they began attending C.O.P.S. Hands-On Programs, starting with Spouses Retreat in 2016 and now Kids Camp for the first time in 2022.

“I remember meeting C.O.P.S. Counselor Angie (McCown) at my first Spouses Retreat,” Channing said. “She told me she would be waiting to meet my son at Kids Camp. She was one of the first faces we saw at camp and that’s when I realized it had come full circle.”

Attending the Hands-On Programs has continued to allow both Channing and Josie Jr. to build their support system. Allowing them to grow and create memories of Josie Sr. together, even though Josie Jr. never met his father.

Channing explained, “All of his (Josie Jr.) memories of his dad are memories that have been shared with him by me or someone close to him, so he has many positive impressions of his dad.”

As they continue to return to Hands-On Programs, Channing makes sure to provide support to others as well. She wants to make sure she does the same for other survivors, knowing that is what has helped her and Josie Jr. get to where they are today.

Channing Wells

Surviving Spouse of

Deputy Marshal Josie Wells

US Marshals Service

EOW 3/10/2015

A Necklace...

Wed, 05 Jul 2023 13:06:22 GMT

A necklace, it’s such a simple yet materialistic item that many individuals across the U.S. own and wear daily. However, for some, that simple piece of jewelry can serve as a reminder; a reminder that some never take off…

“I use it to remember and honor my dad; I do and I feel he’s with me everywhere,’ said Surviving Adult Child, Stan Jerlecki; ‘I got this big one made (necklace) in 1993 and have worn in every day since.”
Sometimes… An item isn’t as simple as it seems..

Stan Jerlecki
Surviving Adult Child of
Officer Stanley J. Jerlecki
Detroit (MI) Police Department
EOW 12/14/1951
#SurvivorStories

Friends and Family for Life

Thu, 15 Jun 2023 16:23:43 GMT

Being the only girl surrounded by her three brothers, nobody messed with Becci Enders. Especially when it came to her oldest brother, Chad. “Even before he was in law enforcement, he was our protector in life,” she said. When Chad was killed in the line of duty in 2013, the siblings not only lost their protector, they lost their ability to laugh andhave the fun their big brother was known for.

Prior to her brother’s death, Becci had made the big move from Texas to New York. After the funeral, she remembers how alone she felt because nobody in New York knew her brother or what she was going through. “It wasn’t until I attended my first C.O.P.S. Siblings Retreat where I was welcomed with the warmest hugs I’d ever received from people I didn’t know,” Becci said. “I learned to laugh again that weekend. And I truly laughed.”

Like many surviving siblings, Becci says the Siblings Retreat is one of the last gifts her brother was able to give her. “We are all a gift to each other and I will be forever gratefulfor the lifelong friendships and family I have gained.”

To stay connected with C.O.P.S. throughout the year, Becci participated in the annual COPS Walk Harpers Ferry in 2016. It was here that she met Wallace Chadwick, Executive Director of Law Enforcement United. Together they set a goal for her to ride the 250-mile bicycle ride in honor of her brother in 2018.

“My young nephews attend C.O.P.S. Kids Camp and knowing that if I ride, it is not only for Chad’s memory but for them and all the children who have lost a parent in the line of duty,” Becci said. She completed the ride on May 12, 2018.

Just like at “Sibs,” Becci says there were difficult parts of the ride, but complete strangers surrounded her with love and support and she came away with friends and family for life.

Becci Enders

Surviving Sibling of

Deputy Sheriff Chad Key

Grayson County (TX) Sheriff's Office

EOW 4/20/2013

#SurvivorStories

Dad,

Sat, 03 Jun 2023 11:45:00 GMT

Dad,

Year two without you has been harder than year one in a lot of aspects. The numbness has worn off and I find myself facing reality a lot more these days. I picture your face every day and smile at the thought of hearing your laugh one more time. The days leading up to today are so much worse than the actual day. I often replay the last week I spent with you in my head over and over and sometimes it takes my breath away.

There have been so many things I wish you were here for. Addie and Bree are almost 16 and are learning how to drive (yikes!). I know they both wish you were here to teach them (and make fun of them) like you did with me. Ave is currently in nursing school and displays a lot of your hard-working characteristics through school and working in the ER. I know she wishes you were here to hear all the stories she comes home with.

I got married during our second year without you. You would’ve been so proud that day. Your brothers and Jeff made sure I was taken care of, but I would’ve done anything for it to be you. I pictured your smiling face throughout the day and wished you were there so much it hurt. We ended the night singing your song and while I was smiling, it hurt not hearing you messing up the lyrics alongside me.

You would be so proud of the family, friends, and co-workers who have stuck by our side throughout the past two years. Anyone who knew you knows honoring your life means supporting your five girls, and they have done just that.

I am so very proud to call you my dad. You were nothing short of an incredible police officer, softball coach, friend, brother, uncle, and son, but most importantly husband and father. You are the most selfless person I have ever known, even up until your very last moments here on earth. You were filled with so much laughter and love. You were truly the best dad. I strive every day to be more like you.

I promise to keep making you proud, even though I’m sure you sometimes shake your head at me with a smile like you always did. I promise to never forget you and to live each day like you would. I promise to never stop talking about you and telling your story.

I love you and miss you forever, Dad.

�� Your First Girl

Hannah Wright

Surviving Adult Child of

Officer Christopher Oberheim

Champaign (IL) Police Department

EOW 5/19/2021

I Will

Thu, 04 May 2023 11:45:00 GMT

“I had people there for me who understood,” Debbie said. “I want to make sure that I am there for others and their families, to make sure they have someone helping them like we did.”

Debbie Wiseman

Surviving Sibling of

Trooper Mark Toney

Iowa State Patrol

EOW 9/20/2011

#SurvivorStories

Giving Back

Thu, 27 Apr 2023 11:45:03 GMT

“You have to give to get.” It’s a motto that Jackie Bergeron, surviving sister-in-law of Maplewood (MN) Police Sergeant Joseph Bergeron, EOW 5/1/2010, has lived by since the day her brother-in-law died. One of the main ways Jackie fulfills this motto is by giving back to other survivors through the Minnesota C.O.P.S. Chapter.

“I have always been a person who genuinely cares for other people and their wellbeing,” Jackie said. “I found that giving back and helping others through C.O.P.S. allows me to not only assist others, but it also helps me with my own grief.”

Since getting involved, Jackie has worn many hats within the Minnesota Chapter and has made a tremendous impact on many survivors. One of her main focuses has been to get all Minnesota survivors involved, and make sure that everyone has been contacted and is getting assistance.

“I want to make sure that everyone can get help and get their questions answered along with just having their voices heard,” Jackie explained. “For some, just knowing that someone is there can make all the difference; it did for me.”

Jackie plans to continue helping survivors in her state, but also has made it her mission to spread the word about the C.O.P.S. organization and the impact made on the law enforcement community at a national level.

“I just want to increase the awareness that we continue to help even after the honor guard and tributes are gone,” Jackie said, “We will always be there for you.”

Jackie Bergeron

Surviving Sister-In-Law of

Sergeant Joseph Bergeron

Maplewood (MN) Police Department

EOW 5/1/2010

#SurvivorStories

Opening Up

Fri, 21 Apr 2023 11:45:00 GMT

Keith Dorwart lost his father, Morgan County (IL) Sheriff’s Deputy Craig Dorwart, on April 5, 1994, when he was only three years old. Even at such a young age, Keith’s life was destined to be spent helping others as he grew up with numerous family members who served as first responders.

Keith was not a big fan of C.O.P.S. in his early years. He didn’t like to talk about his feelings and it wasn’t easy to hear the stories of other kids. After making a few close friends at C.O.P.S. Kids/Teens during National Police Week, attending Kids Camp got easier and he started to open up to the fact that there was a benefit to being surrounded by others who understood his grief.

Keith went on to attend Outward Bound® and returned to Kids Camp as a mentor. He has been a mentor at Kids Camp and realizes how much the camp has grown

and how the kids take full advantage of the program. “I’ve been around long enough that kids I mentored when they were six are starting to graduate!” Keith said.

Keith is now a Trooper with the Illinois State Police. He continues to honor his father and his co-workers by riding with Law Enforcement United each

May, participating in events of National Police Week, and taking an active role with his local Illinois C.O.P.S. Chapter including riding in the Cycle Across

Illinois bicycle ride.

Keith Dorwart

Surviving Adult Child of

Deputy Craig Dorwart

Morgan County (IL) Sheriff's Office

EOW 4/5/1994

#SurvivorsStories

Growth

Thu, 13 Apr 2023 12:00:16 GMT

Beth Wouters admits she hit an all-time low after the death of her brother, Warren (MI) Police Sergeant Christopher M. Wouters, on October 11, 2000.

Attending National Police Week (NPW) that following year was the start of bringing hope and healing back into her life. Beth attended every meeting,

luncheon, seminar and event to help her with her grief. It was during that week she connected with other surviving siblings.

With the exception of two years, Beth has attended the Siblings Retreat every year for the past 21 years. “C.O.P.S. saved my ‘emotional’ life twice,” she said.

“If it hadn’t been for the counselors at the Siblings Retreat, I don’t know where I would be today.” She attributes the psychotherapy treatment

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for helping her cope.

Beth’s family started the Christopher M. Wouters Family Foundation in memory of Chris. For many years, the foundation has provided snacks for

survivors during NPW, supported special events, and sponsors the water bottle gift at Hands-On Programs. Beth says giving back to C.O.P.S. goes with the

foundation’s mission of “Continuing to make a difference – reaching for the stars with a giving hand and love-filled heart in honor of our

Christopher Michael Wouters.”

Beth continues to attend the Siblings Retreat where she enjoys seeing the growth of herself and other survivors year after year. “One survivor was so grief

stricken, she couldn’t speak her brother’s name,” Beth said. “Now to see how far she has come over the past couple of years is remarkable.

That is what C.O.P.S. does."

Beth Wouters

Surviving Sibling of

Sergeant Christopher Wouters

Warren (MI) Police Department

EOW 10/11/2000

#SurvivorStories

Fun On A Bike

Thu, 06 Apr 2023 11:45:00 GMT

Tim Caprio became a survivor when his wife, Baltimore County (MD) Police Officer Amy Caprio, was killed in the line of duty on May 21, 2018. Less than a year later, Tim’s life had changed completely. The year after brought good times of finding support from other surviving spouses, but difficult times as his family had to endure a long trial to bring Amy justice.

Tim’s connection with C.O.P.S. began when a fellow surviving spouse, Lynne Parry, talked him in to attending Spouses Retreat. She also explained the healing he could receive by riding for Law Enforcement United.

It’s rare that a person rides during National Police Week in the same year they are honoring their loved one. As Tim’s family arrived in D.C., the final days of the trial were in full swing. Riding with LEU and being surrounded by officers and other survivors helped relieve some of the stress for Tim.

Taking the extra step to honor Amy, Tim completed the LEU Ruff Ride, which follows a more off-road route on the C&O Cart Path that gives riders a more difficult challenge than the road routes. Tim said “It was such a great experience and the most fun I’ve ever had on a bike.”

Tim Caprio

Surviving Spouse of

Officer Amy Caprio

Baltimore County (MD) Police

EOW 5/21/2018

Many Paths

Thu, 30 Mar 2023 11:45:00 GMT

This life has taken me on many paths, but they all seem to lead back to one main road called 'Grief.' I have lost my mother, my older brother Brian, and now my oldest brother Greg. My grief road, while too often dark, cold, and lonely, it always leads me back to a place where I find my loved ones' memories and so I walk this road willingly because I know they will be there. I don't have to explain the pain death causes; the anguish or emptiness, because anyone who's lost someone knows it is indescribable. I am truly convinced there are no words to express the pain, suffering, and sadness one feels when they lose a loved one. It lasts a lifetime and it is carried in the part of your soul you didn't know existed until you lose someone.

The details and events that led up to Greg's passing are weak in my mind and in the distant recesses of my brain, maybe for protection or self-preservation, but more so I think because that's not what defines his life. I refuse to have Greg dead in my mind. While I do think about his funeral and the events surrounding his death, my memories of Greg on any given day will range from when we were kids to the last conversation I had with him while he was in the hospital. There are so many memories that make me smile, I refuse to define his life only by his death. I heard once that "you should make it so when someone remembers you, they smile; that they were touched by you and left with something to cherish. When you do that, you continue to live inside the minds and hearts of others." Part of what helps me heal is the memories that make me smile and know he does live deep in my heart. Greg was many things to many people, but to me, he was simply my brother, and he took no greater place in this world than in that title.

I, like most people, didn't just lose my brother; I lost the life that was with my brother here on earth. I lost the part of me that only he knew, the part of my story where he was the co-author. I lost family traditions, I lost a particular family dynamic, and I lost a part of my father who is the only one I have left of my immediate family. No one is the same after such a great loss; how can you be?

I couldn't have gotten through one day after losing my brother if it wasn't for my faith and relationship with God. God has been my comforter and He has brought me peace and the promise I will see Greg again. I can also testify to the fact He brings beauty from ashes. Of all the things I could say I've lost in losing my brother, what I do have is my brother's family; his wife and three children. I see him through them in every interaction and they are what reminds me that his love still exists. And along this journey, I've been blessed with meeting some truly amazing people and have developed some amazing friendships and bonds. I've met so many people that knew and worked with Greg. I get to hear their stories of him and to feel their love for him. I get Greg back with every interaction and with every story, and that means so much now. Through the C.O.P.S. organization, I've met others on the same 'Grief' road. I've received support, resources, networking, and love for my brother in keeping his memory alive, all of which have been life-changing. I think feeling such love and understanding from those who will never know my brother is the ultimate form of therapy and has helped me as I grieve. I miss Greg, and most days I'll stare at his picture and ask myself, "how is he gone?!?" It doesn't seem real and I know generally my denial is what keeps me living life; however, that is defined now.

As his sister, it is often said that siblings are the forgotten ones. That is true, but if my new role is taking care of his family or my father and others, I'm ok with that. I loved my brother and even after his death, I want to continue to show the world just how much he meant to me. So I will be forgotten, just so he is not.

Karen Santangelo

Surviving Sibling of

Officer Gregory Santangelo

Frederick (MD) Police Department

EOW 12/28/2021

Be The Light

Fri, 17 Mar 2023 12:51:14 GMT

Tressie Durr and her son, Nash, became survivors on May 27, 2017. Her husband and father of her child, Lincoln County (MS) Deputy Sheriff Donald William Durr, was shot while responding to a domestic disturbance call. “William loved law enforcement. His favorite part of his job was knowing and hoping in some way he was making a difference in the lives of those he encountered,” Tressie said. “ He was a Christian man and often prayed for those who he may face while on duty and his coworkers.”

Tressie, Nash, and their entire family have received tremendous support from the Lincoln County Sheriff’s Office where the Sheriff and deputies are always available to assist with a project, lend a listening ear, and ensure security and safety. “They have never left my side and for that I am forever grateful,” Tressie said.

Since her husband’s death, Tressie has become a resource for other survivors through the Mississippi C.O.P.S. Chapter. “Through my work with my local chapter, I’ve been able to be the light on a very cloudy journey to those new survivors I encounter,” Tressie said. “Meeting new survivors never gets easier because I was once that new survivor, and I know those emotions and feelings, but if I can give them even a small amount of support and hope, I’ve given back to this community of fallen officer families.”

Through the Spouses Retreat and Kids Camp, Tressie and Nash say they cannot put into words the healing and support they have received. “When you are having a hard time, someone is always there for you to reach out to. When you are doing well, someone is always there to celebrate with you. That in itself is priceless,” Tressie said.

To new survivors, Tressie says you just have to breathe, but don’t wait to get involved with C.O.P.S., especially if you have children and they are of the age to attend Kids Camp where they can network with other children who have lost a parent. “For the spouses, take that long weekend at Spouses Retreat for yourself. It might feel selfish, but be selfish. Self care is the best care.”

Tressie Durr

Surviving Spouse of

Deputy Sheriff Donald "William" Durr

Lincoln County (MS) Sheriff's Office

EOW 5/27/2017

#SurvivorStories

Changed Forever

Thu, 09 Mar 2023 12:45:00 GMT

On January 29, 2022, my life and my children’s lives were changed forever. My husband, deputy Noah Rainey, died in a single-vehicle crash while responding to a call for help. In the hours and days that followed I was in a haze searching for comfort. That's when my C.O.P.S. representative introduced himself to me. He said, “we help rebuild shattered lives.” I remember feeling a small sliver of hope that my boys would be okay.

Telling my (at the time) 8-year-old son that daddy wasn’t coming home was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Attempting to navigate becoming a single parent was hard enough, but adding my grief and my sons' grief felt impossible.

When I heard about the C.O.P.S. Kids camp I signed up immediately. I knew it was the right thing to do. After the first counseling session at camp, my son said to me, “mom, did you know this many people also lost their dad?” It was the first time in months he didn’t feel alone. He was beginning to see that he will be okay, he can grow up to have a good life. Not only was it beneficial for him, but it was also incredibly valuable to me. I connected with widows in every stage of their grief journey and saw how far they have come and how they are navigating parenthood.

To this day the grief is unbelievable. My sons and I are still trying to find balance and learn how to navigate this life as a family of three. But the resources that we have gained through various C.O.P.S. activities have been a lifesaver. C.O.P.S. has been an essential support system since the accident and I am confident they will continue to be in our lives forever. I would encourage anyone seeking comfort after a similar tragedy to participate in C.O.P.S. activities.

Maria Rainey

Surviving Spouse of

Deputy Sheriff Noah Rainey

EOW 1/29/22

New Titles

Fri, 17 Feb 2023 12:45:00 GMT

You may recognize Aaron Slater and Danielle Delgado from their popular apparel company, ReLEntless Defender Apparel. ReLEntless Defender has donated over $132,000 to C.O.P.S. to date, and has assisted with the creation of C.O.P.S. merchandise items. While they have been familiar faces at several events as guests supporting survivors, the line-of-duty death of Danielle’s father has them now attending under new titles; Survivors.

Danielle said, “C.O.P.S. has become more than a partnership, they have become family to us. Back in 2016, when we started the partnership, I never expected our bond to be this strong. It has never been about selling a product for us, it’s been about building bonds and making a difference.”

Danielle’s father, Bay City (TX) Police Detective Juan Delgado, contracted COVID while on duty and died July 15, 2021. Detective Delgado had served in law enforcement for 43 years. All three of his children also serve in law enforcement.

The family says the first year has been the hardest, as is the case with most survivors. Danielle says, “There will always be a void that can never be filled, but we have to remember that our officers passed doing something amazing, something heroic, something they would do all over again if given the chance. It’s our job as survivors to say their names and make sure they are never forgotten.”

Aaron and Danielle referred to their grief as a roller coaster that nobody wants a ticket to ride on. Each day has ups and downs. Danielle added some advice to newer survivors, saying, “At times, it’s ok to not be ok. C.O.P.S. survivors know grief and know exactly what you are going through, so utilize the resources they have available for you.”

Aaron Slater and Danielle Delgado

Surviving Son In-Law and Adult Child of

Detective Juan Delgado

Bay City (TX) Police Department

EOW 7/15/21

#SurvivorStories

Proud

Tue, 07 Feb 2023 12:45:00 GMT

Virginia Mondie was proud of the bond she had with her son, Special Agent De’Greaun Frazier of the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation (TBI). Agent Frazier was dedicated to his family, especially to his children and wife, Shannon, whom he had loved since high school. The family was devastated on August 9, 2016, when he was shot and killed during an undercover narcotics operation.

“My son and I spoke every morning and every afternoon,” says Virginia. She says he was most proud of his daughter, Kamaryn and his son, Kendrix. “Kamaryn and her father shared a love of animals and he knew she wanted to be a veterinarian one day. He would be so proud she is now studying pre-veterinary science in college.”

But what Virginia misses most about her son is his heart. Whether the neighbors’ yard needed mowed or a complete stranger was in need, Agent Frazier was there. “If you ever met him, you would become a part of his life for life,” says Virginia.

The love for Agent Frazier was evident through the support of his agency. “It’s never two weeks that pass before a TBI agent will come check on us,” says Virginia.

To keep her son’s memory alive, Virginia and her family stay involved in their local C.O.P.S. chapter, where they have hosted fundraisers for other survivors in their area. You can find her home lit up with blue lights all year, as well as the yard lined with blue line flags.

“When my son died, I didn’t isolate myself,” says Virginia. “It’s healing to view pictures and hear other survivor’s memories. Attending C.O.P.S. events shows our family we are not alone and will never be forgotten.”

Virginia Mondie

Surviving Mother of

Special Agent De’Greaun Frazier

Tennessee Bureau of Investigation

EOW 8/9/2016

Most Impactful Thing

Tue, 31 Jan 2023 13:58:15 GMT

In 2006, Retired Deputy Randy Wiessinger attended National Police Week as a motor escort for the buses. He has continued to do this each year and has gotten his department involved by sending additional officers to assist.

“The most impactful thing that I have experienced was the escort of the kids/teens to Quantico,” Randy said. “Seeing the impact and what it meant to the kids led us to organizing the motor escort for the kids attending Kids Camp each Summer.”

The joy in assisting with and organizing the two motor escorts at these events over the last 16 years has led Randy to getting involved more on the Chapter level with Wisconsin C.O.P.S. In recent years, he has been involved with chapter fundraisers, and served as a representative for the chapter at National Police Week assisting with the surviving families.

“Every time that I am involved with the organization, I do it because I know that those kids I am helping could have been my kids,” Randy explained. “It’s very impactful when you can be there for them, knowing that if tragedy would have struck my family, someone would have been there for my kids.”

Moving forward, Randy has a goal of training other individuals in the chapter to navigate group registrations for National Police Week. This will help get more survivors involved with the organization at their local level.

Randy Wiessinger
Surviving Co-Worker of
Deputy Richard Treadwell
Dane County (WI) Sherriff's Office
EOW 8/22/2020
#SurvivorStories

Pulls You In

Tue, 24 Jan 2023 19:44:42 GMT

Sometimes getting involved in the not-for-profit world isn’t a choice, it is something that pulls you in. It’s a calling. In 1985, Bev Fuller was working in the officer selection unit for the Arizona Department of Public Safety, where she met a determined up and coming officer by the name of Johnny Garcia.

“After a few obstacles, Johnny was hired on at the department in 1986,” Bev said. She never expected that in just three years, her friend and co-worker would be killed in an automobile accident while responding to a call.

“I took it very hard and felt as if it was my fault,” Bev explained. “I had gone over and above to get him into the academy.”

Following the death of Officer Garcia, Bev got involved with the local Arizona C.O.P.S. Chapter. She took pride in assisting in revamping the chapter in the 1990’s, while at the same time being transferred to the Officer Benefits Department at work.

“Through the chapter and benefits office, I got to know survivors very, very well,” Bev explained. “I got to know survivors and hear their stories and it just resonated with me. Helping survivors became a part of me.”

Today, Bev continues to assist survivors through the Arizona Chapter of C.O.P.S. Helping the families and co-workers who have been affected by a line-of-duty death is simply her calling. What is a better way to heal yourself than to dedicate time to heal others?

Bev Fuller

Surviving Co-Worker of

Officer Johnny Garcia

Arizona Department of Public Safety

EOW 10/14/1989

#SurvivorStories

We Are Not Alone

Wed, 18 Jan 2023 12:45:03 GMT

Hi, I am Cherese Hillman and I became a Surviving Spouse on October 31,2020 when my husband, Avery Hillman, died as a result from complications after contracting COVID-19 while he was working in the Hospital division. Avery was a hard worker that served his country in the United States Army for 25 years as well as working in law enforcement for 30 years.

We have a son, Maleakhi, and it has definitely been a struggle for us to live without Avery. Maleakhi was 11 when his dad passed away. They had a very special bond that was unbreakable. Maleakhi loves to share stories about his dad who was an extreme sports fanatic and a huge Pittsburg Steelers fan. Avery was definitely a great Father.

Maleakhi and I were very skeptical at first about getting involved with C.O.P.S. our loss was still so fresh and our emotions were all over the place. For me I felt like that we really didn't belong at because my husband was not shot or ambushed like others. Now, after attending for two years, I realize it was the best decision that I could have ever made for Maleakhi and me. I learned through the many counseling sessions that a loss is a loss and that we all grieve differently, but we are not alone. It was such a huge weight lifted off of our shoulders to learn that there were others who lost their love one's the same way. We have heard stories about officers from all around the country, which brings us all closer together.

Through C.O.P.S., Maleakhi and I have made lifelong friends. The organization has helped us in so many ways along this journey of healing. Knowing that we will always have a family that can truly understand our grief process because they have walked in our shoes' is priceless. C.O.P.S is a great organization to help cope with emotional stress, mental stress and grieving.

Some advice to other survivors, everyone grieves differently and sometimes those emotions make you react in different ways than others. That doesn't mean that you are reacting wrong, it just means you are processing it differently. Always remember that you are not alone and that C.O.P.S. is just a phone call or email away.

Maleakhi and I hope that telling our story has given some encouragement to others.

Avery, WE LOVE AND MISS YOU EVERYDAY!

Cherese & Maleakhi Hillman

Surviving Spouse and Son of

Corporal Avery Hillman

Crisp County (GA) Sheriff’s Office

EOW 10/31/2020

Surrounded

Wed, 11 Jan 2023 12:45:00 GMT

Eddie Gomez and his partner, Dan, had been together for two years and were just two days away from purchasing their first home together. On March 13, 2019, that dream was cut short when Colorado State Corporal Daniel Groves was struck and killed while assisting a motorist during inclement weather.

“Dan didn’t take the ‘traditional’ route to law enforcement. He had worked as a teacher and then went into IT, but he knew it wasn’t his passion,” Eddie said. “He had just turned 40 and knew he wanted to help people, and he wanted to do that through law enforcement.”

After Corporal Groves was killed, Eddie was fortunate to find himself surrounded by friends, family, the agency, and several other law enforcement organizations who were there to show support. Another surviving fiancé worked with Corporal Groves, and she reached out in the first week. “That early connection made such a difference for me,” Eddie said. “That’s why I try to to connect with surviving fiancés and significant others all across the nation as soon as I can because I know how impactful our survivor group has been for me.”

That survivor group is the surviving fiancés and significant others, or FNSO for short. For one weekend in August, Eddie and his fellow survivors attend their specific C.O.P.S. retreat to be with others who understand the different types of grief that occur for different types of survivors. “I learned early on how lonely being a survivor really is and as a FNSO, we can have other challenges that can make that loneliness even worse,” Eddie said. “Being connected with people who are your ‘tribe’ and understand you helps you feel a little less lonely. That is what drives me to seek out FNSOs and get them connected with our tribe.”

Before Corporal Groves died, Eddie had started a program to help first responders who suffer from line-of-duty traumatic brain injuries and/or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. “Dan was my inspiration for the program and now he continues to inspire me to keep helping our blue family,” Eddie said. “Helping others is one of the many things Dan and I had in common, and I continue this shared passion in hopes of making him proud.”

Eddie Gomez

Surviving Significant Other of

Corporal Daniel Groves

Colorado State Patrol

3/13/2019

It's A Different Type Of Loss

Wed, 04 Jan 2023 12:45:00 GMT

Kim Weigand knows what it is like to need immediate support following a loss, which has led Kim to getting heavily involved in her local Pennsylvania C.O.P.S. Chapter. Kim and other chapter members dedicate a lot of time and energy to ensure that all survivors in their state receive timely outreach and vital support.

“It’s a different type of loss,” Kim said. “I had the blessing of some C.O.P.S. moms reaching out to me after a short while; that truly saved my life.”

Kim is the surviving mother of Latimore Township (PA) Police Sergeant Michael C. Weigand, EOW 9/14/2008. Her son, alongside her husband Mike (who served as Chief of the same department at the time), were escorting a Blue Knights Motorcycle Ride when a truck lost control and veered into the path of the ride, striking Sergeant Weigand.

It’s unfathomable for a mother to lose a child. Kim sees the value in having an understanding ear to listen and guide you along your grief journey, especially when it’s a mother to another mother. Attending C.O.P.S. Parents Retreat has helped Kim connect in that way, but she knows the same connections are made at all of the retreats. In her role with the chapter, Kim continues to encourage survivors to attend the Hands-On Programs, and to get involved with C.O.P.S. both locally and nationally.

At National Police Week in May 2022, Kim was presented with the Charles Shinholser Award for Volunteerism for her work at the chapter level, as well as at Police Week where she has volunteered in different roles for many years.

“My advice to survivors new to C.O.P.S. is to take advantage of what C.O.P.S. has to offer,” Kim explains. “None of us want to be members of C.O.P.S., due to the circumstance. However, it IS the best organization a law enforcement survivor can be a part of.”

Kim Weigand

Surviving Mother of

Sergeant Michael Weigand

Latimore Township (PA) Police Department

EOW 9/14/2008

#SurvivorStories

I Recently Lost My Dad Last Summer

Wed, 28 Dec 2022 12:45:02 GMT

I recently lost my dad last summer. I grew up basically with my dad gone for most of my childhood while he was out serving our country in the Air Force. While he was home, he worked at Hammond Police Department. He has always worked hard to provide for his family. That is something I will always remember about my dad; he sacrificed so much for us.

Ever since high school I grew up being more appreciative of the blue line. Losing an officer of the town I’m from hit and right then and there I had more of an awareness of my dad’s job and the other officers.

I had never heard of Concerns of Police Survivors until I went to Police Week in DC. This organization truly has been amazing and the fact I got to enjoy and participate in one of the retreats truly showed just what an amazing organization this is. It’s been hard to talk to people while in grief because people around me don’t get it.; but then I met a lot of people from C.O.P.S. they do get it; which make such a difference.

Hannah Sawyer

Surviving Adult Child of

Sergeant Thomas Sawyer

Hammond (IN) Police Department

EOW 6/17/2021

#SurvivorStories

Don't Do This Alone

Wed, 14 Dec 2022 12:30:00 GMT

My middle brother was a force to be reckoned with. He was crazy smart, a fierce believer in standing behind what you believe in and dang funny. His smile travelled around the world the day of his funeral in 2016. Jason caused ripples; from the time he could walk and talk anyone or thing he met had a place in his fold.

Jason wasn't just my brother; he was my human. Jason was my ground, my sound advice, the person that never judged me for who I was or choices I made. He taught us to fight, to love fiercely, to be kind to survive....so I thought. Surviving his death destroyed me; half of me was gone. No notice, no goodbyes, just gone. Gone were his hugs, his advice, his kindness. Jason left a gap not only in my life, but everyone he came into contact with. We will never "get over" his loss, but what we can do is survive. Jason's death caused a ripple; that ripple didn't really register with me until this last year.

Over the last several years I've forced myself to step out of my comfort zone and attend C.O.P.S. Siblings Retreat. This year, my 4th year was the first time I didn't feel anxious about attending, I was counting down the days. The connections I have made with other siblings has kept me going. They are an extension of my family who supports me 100%, but these sib connections are different, THEY GET IT, and I love them all with all my heart.

Create a ripple, don't walk this grief journey alone. Reach out, there is someone out there who knows what you are working through. Be the change, we continue to remember Jason daily through fundraising, helping those in need, being kind humans and creating a ripple.

National C.O.P.S has so many opportunities, you can connect with others and/or counselors, plus they have such an amazing staff. Reach out to your local chapter, mine has helped me along the way. Don't do this alone.

Jenn Hovanic

Surviving Sibling of

Sergeant Jason Goodding

Seaside (OR) Police Department

EOW 2/5/2016

I'm Very Proud Of Him

blake_haynes@nationalcops.org — Wed, 07 Dec 2022 14:01:48 GMT

I am the surviving granddaughter of Elmer J. Baumgardner, EOW 9/14/1948. My mom and my aunt are the last children of "EJ."

Our journey has been a great one and it keeps getting better. As I grew older, I started to help my mom have some closure; she was only 3 years old at the time of her father’s death. We work hard to keep his memory alive. The love we have is so strong in our hearts.

I’ve heard from many people that knew my grandfather. They tell me he and grandma would be proud of what I’ve done to keep generations of grandkids remembering that he is a hero. It’s a part of my family’s history. I’m very proud of him.

Jessica Yates

Surviving Granddaughter of

Chief Elmer J. Baumgardner

Evarts Police Department

EOW 9/14/1948

#SurvivorStories

I Strive To Honor Him

Wed, 30 Nov 2022 12:45:00 GMT

Brian, my high school sweetheart, was hands-down the nicest guy I'd ever met. In all the time I'd known him, he could talk to anybody and put them at ease; as a Deportation Officer for ICE, he'd had to have difficult conversations with people he was deporting. He was respectful, hard-working, a team-player, and good-natured when razzed by the other guys at work—loved playing fantasy football with them and even came up with the trophy.

Brian was generous of spirit and dreamed big for our family. Today, I wonder what he would think of how our kids have grown. Although I'll never hear another of his funny quips or share another inside joke, I know he'd be proud of how we've navigated our lives after his loss. He'd be so glad to know how well we've been taken care of by C.O.P.S. and how our connection to others who have lost a loved one in the line of duty has bolstered us these past few years. During my lowest moments, I try to channel his optimistic spirit and enthusiasm for new experiences, and I strive to honor him by living my best life, for the both of us.

Christina Beliso

Surviving Spouse of

Deportation Officer Brian Beliso

US Immigration & Customs Enforcement

EOW 6/8/2016

#SurvivorStories

I Am Able To Smile Again

Wed, 23 Nov 2022 12:45:00 GMT

My name is Andrea Zimmerman Lomas, my brother was New Jersey State Trooper Bertram Zimmerman #5853 - EOW 2/5/04. My brother died while pursuing an armed robber at a convenience store. I was nine months pregnant at the time and my son was born two days after the funeral.

It has been eighteen years since his death, and it seems like yesterday. My brother was my best friend. We were so close growing up; we were born only fifteen months apart. He was a kind and caring person and did so much for his family and friends.

I attended NPW in May of 2005, the year my brother was honored. What an experience! At the end of that week, I knew that C.O.P.S. and my local chapter NJSPSOTT (New Jersey State Police Survivors of the Triangle) were there for me. Which led me to become very involved in other hands-on programs that both National C.O.P.S. and my local chapter provide. I have attended the Siblings Retreat sixteen times and got involve with my favorite activity that I do for C.O.P.S., which is honoring my brother by walking at C.O.P.S. Walk Harper’s Ferry. I am happy to say that I just completed 300 MILES for COPS Walk this past October. I enjoy being outside and walking this trail gives me such a sense of peace. My brother loved the outdoors and I know that each year I do this, he is with me.

I later got involved with my Chapter a little more and ended open serving as the Secretary a little over ten years ago. After which I became the vice-president of, I currently hold that position. These positions have allowed me to attended Board Chapter Training many times over the years. Which has allowed me to continue to serve other survivors in my area. I am happy to say that I just completed 300 MILES for COPS this past October. I enjoy being outside and walking this trail gives me such a sense of peace. My brother loved the outdoors and I know that each year I do this, he is with me.

I have met so many survivors over the last eighteen years. I can’t thank C.O.P.S. and my local chapter enough for what they have done for me and my family. Because of this great organization, I am able to smile again.

Andrea Lomas

Surviving Sibling of

Trooper Bertram Zimmerman III

New Jersey State Police

EOW 2/5/2004

#SurvivorStories

He Is Always There For Me

Wed, 16 Nov 2022 12:45:00 GMT

I lost my dad when I was 4 years old, Officer Robert Bennett – EOW June 17 ^th , 2004. I have spent a large portion of my life with the gaping hole where a father should be due to the evils in this world. With that being said, even while I have not physically had him by me, he has still managed to teach and guide me throughout everything.

Since I was only a small child when he passed, I have spent most of my time getting to know him by the memories of others. He was a man that found any reason to smile and laugh. He has taught me the importance of taking the chances in life that seek joy. I live each day for him because he does not get the opportunity to continue those joys. In addition, he was a family man that would do anything for those that he loves. He may not be here to teach me the importance of family, but I have learned from the memories that he left for us.

I started participating in our state chapter of C.O.P.S. when I was 19 years old, but I wish that I had gotten involved way sooner. I spent most of my childhood thinking I was the only one who could relate to losing a father under those particular circumstances, but once I got involved with C.O.P.S. I began to understand that I was not alone. It has provided me a sense of community and comradery that I would not get in other manner.

Once again, while working with C.O.P.S. my dad has managed to send me God winks and opening my eyes to my true passions. I have had the honor of working with state police departments and other entities since his passing, and it has been such a meaningful journey to keep the connection with a job my dad cherished so much. I will be graduating from college with a focus in mental health soon, and my dad has been keeping me attentive to my passions. I want to continue his legacy and love for policing, so I know that he is cheering me on to work with police, giving back to those in need, and helping those that are like him.

People who have not lost someone may struggle to understand that even if your loved one is gone from this Earth, they are still active in your life. He is always challenging me to find my motivation and drive for life, taking on new adventures, staying active with my loved ones, and chasing my dreams and passions. I will always be grateful for the sacrifice my dad made, and I can only hope to become as courageous and brave as he was. I am here to live for him and make him proud. I know he may not be here, but he has found a way to walk beside me in life, every step of the way.

Caroline Bennett

Surviving Adult Child of

Officer Charles Robert Bennett

Birmingham (AL) Police Department

EOW 06/17/2004

#SurvivorStories

Life Changing

Wed, 09 Nov 2022 12:45:00 GMT

Parents Retreat is a lifesaving “Safe House.” It has been the single most important tool in my healing after the loss of my Marcus.

Experiencing the support of the counselors and the other parents who actually understand what you’re going through is life changing.

Kimberly McNeil

Surviving Mother of

Officer Marcus McNeil

New Orleans Police Department

EOW 10/13/2017

There isn't a day that goes by....

blake_haynes@nationalcops.org — Wed, 02 Nov 2022 12:50:14 GMT

My brother James Kevin White was a Police Officer in Brookhaven, MS. He was killed in the line of duty September 29, 2018. Kevin was full of life, he loved to joke and he LOVED meme wars. You couldn't beat him in a meme war. He has 2 little boys that were 7 and 8 when he was killed. He also left behind my mom and step-dad, dad and stepsister, 4 nieces and a nephew.

There isn't a day that goes by that Kevin isn't missed.

I was introduced to C.O.P.S through another Sibling shortly after he died. That has been the best thing that came out of losing him, the family of Sibs I gained through C.O.P.S. Having a group of other Siblings that know and can relate to my loss has been so healing. I've been to the Sibling Retreat twice now, and Lord willing I will never miss a retreat. I have gained a whole new family and although I would trade it all to have him back, I am so thankful to have them in my life now. These are relationships that were forged in pain and loss, but have proven to be exactly what I have needed these last 4 years. It's not just about the loss of my brother, when I lost my son just 2.5 years after my brother they were there for me for that as well.

I can't Thank C.O.P.S enough for the time and effort they put into these retreats and programs for Survivors of Fallen Officers. They truly saved me and have helped the healing process of losing my brother. Don't ever be afraid to reach out to C.O.P.S and other Survivors. They are an amazing organization and I don't know what I would have done without them.

Lisa McBlair

Surviving Sibling of

Patrolman James White

Brookhaven Police Department (MS)

EOW 9/29/2018

#SurvivorStories

I Will Be Forever Grateful

Wed, 19 Oct 2022 12:00:07 GMT

October 20, 1977, that date is burned into my memory and I have often relived it like it was yesterday. That was the day my world shattered. That was the day my Dad, Cheektowaga Police Officer, David J. Tolsma was killed in the line of duty.

I may have only been 7 years old, but I was Daddy’s little girl and he was my everything. I will never forget the look on my mother’s face when she told me Daddy was never coming home again. My 7-year-old brain could not comprehend what she was saying and I sat at our front window every morning for weeks waiting for him to return home from 3 ^rd shift. I don’t know when or if I ever stopped hoping.

Growing up in an era where single parent families were looked down upon, no matter the circumstances was difficult. We were not allowed to attend things like Daddy daughter dances, father son camping, even though my mother and friends Dad’s tried to step up for those occasions. I spent most of my childhood angry, my teenage years rebellious and my early 20’s lost.

Then entered C.O.P.S. While researching ways to pay for college, I found out there was this organization supporting survivors; so, I reached out. In 1988 they were such a young group, there wasn’t much they could offer, but never the less, I asked to be put on their mailing list. In 1998, I sent in my story to be published in the 15 ^th Anniversary Yearbook. After which, I became active in my local chapter. It would still be years before I had the courage to participate on a larger level.

In 2011 I attended my first Adult Children’s retreat, which changed my life for the better! For the first time in my life, I was surrounded by people who actually understood me and my grief. I heard people say things that I had only thought happened to me. I heard people describe their feelings, feelings I thought only I had. That year I dove in head first, also attending Board Chapter Training, CISM training and completed my first 25 miles at Harper’s Ferry COPS Walk.

I have now attended 11 retreats, many chapter trainings, NPW, completed 200 miles for COPS Walks, held the offices of Secretary and President for the Western New York C.O.P.S. Chapter, I have made many friends who I consider family and helped many new survivors learn about how C.O.P.S. can help them begin to rebuild their shattered lives.

I will be forever grateful to everyone involved with C.O.P.S. for their dedication to survivors and will continue my journey in healing and giving back to the organization that no one ever wants to be a part of but would be lost without.

Kim Knox

Surviving Adult Child of

Patrol Officer David Tolsma

Cheektowaga Town Police Department (NY)

EOW 10/20/1977

#SurvivorStories

Achieve Healthy Healing with These Helpful Tips

Thu, 13 Oct 2022 13:57:36 GMT

By special guest contributor, Hazel Bridges of agingwellness.org

Grief is a natural response to loss. There are many different reactions people have to grief, depending on the situation. It is important that you allow yourself time to grieve and get all of your emotions out before going back to your daily routine.

It can be hard to know how long this will take, but it’s important to not rush it or try to push through it. Anyone who has experienced great loss will tell you that the initial stages of

grieving are the hardest.

Today, to assist you in your time of need, Concerns of Police Survivors shares some helpful tips for overcoming grief.

Set Goals for Success

The first step to setting goals is to define what you want and why. It’s much easier to break down your goal into smaller parts once you have established the desired outcome. If you are trying to lose weight, for example, it might be to start a healthy diet regimen.

It’s important to keep in mind that simple things often produce the best results. Healthy eating is a great way of feeling better and improving your mood.

Setting goals is a great way to stay motivated and focused. Lucemi Consulting suggests writing down your goals and then reevaluating them regularly. You can always change or

modify a goal if it becomes too difficult or unsuitable for you.

Understanding that certain days are better than others is another important aspect of goal setting. You can adjust your goal as needed without feeling like you have failed.

It is important to not set too many goals at one time. This can cause you to feel overwhelmed and can result in giving up on any or all your goals. Instead of focusing on a

bunch of goals simultaneously, choose to focus on one or two objectives at a given time.

Healthy Living 101

When you’re grieving, it’s important to know where to begin in the healing process. Therefore, take inventory of your life and everything that causes you stress. Then, actively

work on eliminating stressors from your life or, at least, avoiding them. Living a healthier lifestyle by doing such things as increasing your exercise and consuming healthy snacks is a boon for mitigating stress and anxiety.

Another great way to work through grief is getting organized. Take this time to declutter your home, clearing out unnecessary items in your cabinets. Clean out your closets and work to free up space.

Once you’ve done so, you can work on creating a serene space in your home. Use this area to meditate and work through your grief. Your goal for this space should be to make it as peaceful and as inviting as possible.

Lastly, Day Designer says to make it a point to do something you love every day. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant—just an activity that brings you comfort or joy.

Don’t Let Yourself Stay Isolated

You can do many things to avoid isolation. It is important to keep in touch with family, friends, and coworkers. If you work from home, this can be challenging. If you are currently

working from home, make sure you have lots of interaction with others. Try to make time every day to talk to someone, even if it is just a text message or phone call. It’s also possible to schedule time to visit people each day and to make an effort to get out of your home.

Healing from profound grief is never easy. However, if you take one day at a time, set simple goals, and do your best to avoid isolation, you will get through this.

Concerns of Police Survivors include spouses, children, parents, siblings, significant others, and co-workers of officers who have died in the line of duty according to

Federal government criteria. Click here to donate!

Image via Pexels, provided by Hazel Bridges

I Wish I Had Found C.O.P.S. Sooner

Wed, 12 Oct 2022 13:05:20 GMT

The first year we attended National Police Week in Washington, DC., I was raw, frazzled, worn-out, emotional, avoiding at all costs all the “reality”, chasing a 7-year-old boy, and being chastised by my 16-year-old daughter. My husband, a Virginia State Trooper, died during dive training on September 14, 2010. It was May 2011, and I was struggling, my family was struggling. I was doing the best I could to put one foot in front of the other.

In 2012 I sent my daughter to Outward Bound, thankful to get her out of the house for a week. She came back a changed person. The life skills she learned that week and the validation she received from her peers was extraordinary.

A few months later she and I were talking and was I crying about her brother and questioning myself and decisions I was making in raising a young man. Her exact words to me were “Mom, I have no doubt that you are doing amazing, and I know you need to get him to C.O.P.S. Kids Camp. All the kids I met in Outward Bound spoke so highly about going and the friendships they had were bonds that have no words.” She then assured me that most of the kids she met were being raised by their moms, and they were awesome.

It took me three and a half years to participate in programs through Concerns of Police Survivors. My son and I attended our first COPS Kids Camp in the summer of 2013. It was there that we formed friendships, created bonds, and found family.

Walking to the field that week, we were holding hands and I said, “I’m sorry it took me so long to get here.” And, my son, responded “It’s okay Mom, you weren’t ready.”

I registered for Spouses Retreat that same September and came home with more friendships, a network of “family” that not only understood where I was coming from …they truly “got it”!

We have networks of support, a family that is always there and bonds that have no words.

Tanya Barrett,

Surviving Spouse of

Trooper Mark D. Barrett

Virginia Dept. of State Police

EOW 9/14/2010

#SurvivorStories

The Community Mourned With Us

Sat, 08 Oct 2022 12:23:02 GMT

I would like to take a minute to tell our family story of how uplifting my brother's, fallen officer Alex Arango, chief and the rest of his fellow officers have been since my brother passing.

My brother Sgt Alex Arango was put on ventilator October 19th and our family was going to hold a pray vigil. To my surprise when I arrived Chief Spence and so many fellow officers were already at the hospital and even set an area for us to pray. From that moment Chief never left our side.

My brother passed Oct 22, 2020 due to Covid. From day one Chief Spence and the rest of Everman PD officers made us feel right at home. Ensuring we were getting taken care of. Alex was not the only family member at the hospital, our sweet mother, Carmen Arango was there as well. She and Alex were on the same floor observed by same doctor. Chief Spence always had an assigned officer to our family if we needed anything they would get it for us.

All of the officers consoled us when my brother passed and their kind generosity doesn’t stop there. Three days later my mom passed on Oct 25th and Chief Spence sent officers to be with us once again.

Alex was receiving full honors and Chief Spence told us it was only befitting my mom would be right along with Alex. That’s how my brother would’ve wanted it. Chief Spence knew how much my brother loved his family especially his parents.

He was a wonderful son, brother, husband, father and grandfather. He truly was a wonderful officer who the City of Everman loved.

Alex patrolled the city of Everman for nearly 27 years. The community mourned along with us. To see the elementary kids release balloons as the procession passed them was so uplifting, all of the love the community showed for my brother filled our hearts. We knew our brother was special to us, we had no idea how special he was for the community.

Chief Spence and the rest of the Everman force continues to be there for our family. They will always be part of our Arango family.

I want to say thank you to Chief Spence for being there at a time we felt so lost and alone.

Danet Arango-Henry

Surviving Sibling of

Officer Alexander Arango

Everman Police Department

EOW 10/22/2020

#SurvivorStories

My Journey

Wed, 28 Sep 2022 11:45:00 GMT

My journey with C.O.P.S. started shortly after my dad, Robert W Varner, Jr, Navajo County Sheriff’s Office, was killed in the line of duty. His End of Watch was 1/2/89.

My early memories include Suzie Sawyer being so caring, compassionate, and supportive. We attended NPW that first year. We attended the unveiling of our beautiful Memorial in Judiciary Square in 1991. My family has been closely tied to C.O.P.S. over the past 33 years. I had to choose between attending my high school reunion and attending Adult Children’s Retreat, and Retreat won that decision. My husband attends AC Retreat with me, and it’s honestly one of the best parts of every year of my life. I call it my family reunion.

The services provided to survivors are beyond measure, and they are life-changing. The friendships I have with other survivors are forever, and provide such incredible support. My blue family has been by my side during some rough days, with several of them traveling cross-country to join my family and I following the death of our sister Joan. A beloved blue sister even has a tattoo in Joan’s memory!

The support shown to our family through the years is immeasurable. I often say that we become members of C.O.P.S. for the worst possible reason, but that I am so thankful for that membership.

Cheryl Jordan

Surviving Adult Child of

Deputy Sheriff Robert Varner Jr.

Navajo County Sheriff’s Office (AZ)

EOW 1/2/1989

#SurvivorStories

Peer Support

blake_haynes@nationalcops.org — Thu, 22 Sep 2022 11:45:02 GMT

Dave Wallace has a unique perspective on line-of-duty deaths.

He is a retired law enforcement officer who served communities

in the state of California for 29 years. During that time,

Dave lost co-workers, but none were closer to him than his

brother, Stanislaus County Deputy Sheriff Dennis Wallace,

EOW 11/13/2016.

With everything Dave has experienced, he understands the

importance of giving back through peer support and receiving

a helping hand from another sibling. “Tragically, I know

trauma, I know death,” says Dave. “It became personal with a

co-worker’s accident, but it really hit home when

Dennis was killed.”

In 2017, Dave attended his first Siblings Retreat, a place in

which he grew on his journey of grief and made connections

with individuals who he now calls family. “To me and many

others, ‘Sibs’ is a reunion, not a retreat,” says Dave. “Families

have reunions, and that’s what we are.”

With the COVID-19 pandemic causing cancellations of events

and programs, Dave knew he had to do something to bring

all of the surviving siblings together. “I was sitting in a parking

lot and it came to me,” says Dave. “We have some musically

inclined siblings, so I reached out about doing a song together

to encourage people and lighten the mood during the pandemic.”

Not only was this a hit, but the song was such a success that

they got together and released another video to the group during

the holidays. Dave says, “Sometimes you just need to see

a familiar face that understands, or hear the voice of a person

that you know truly cares about you and supports you.”

Dave Wallace

Surviving Sibling of

Deputy Sheriff Dennis Wallace

Stanislaus County Sheriff's Office

EOW 11/13/2016

I Have Made Forever Friends

Wed, 14 Sep 2022 12:00:16 GMT

C.O.P.S has done so much for my family and I since my husband, State Trooper Gerald “Jerry” Ellis, died in March 30, 2019.

A drunk driver was going the wrong way, and hit him head on. He was my husband and the father of our children.

C.O.P.S helped throughout the whole process, providing comfort and support through the worst time of our lives. They have connected my family with resources and have also connected us with other families. That support I will forever be grateful for. Knowing I was not alone and had people to lean on was crucial in my grieving process. I have made forever friends. Now I want to give back and be there for other families.

Those we have connected with continue to check up on us and make sure we have not been forgotten.

Stacy Ellis

Surviving Spouse of

Trooper Gerald Ellis

Illinois State Police

EOW 3/30/2019

#SurvivorStories

Getting Involved

Wed, 07 Sep 2022 11:45:01 GMT

Sometimes getting involved in the not-for-profit world isn’t a

choice, it is something that pulls you in. It’s a calling. In 1985,

Bev Fuller was working in the officer selection unit for the

Arizona Department of Public Safety, where she met a determined

up and coming officer by the name of Johnny Garcia.

“After a few obstacles, Johnny was hired on at the department

in 1986,” Bev said. She never expected that in just

three years, her friend and co-worker would be killed in an

automobile accident while responding to a call.

“I took it very hard and felt as if it was my fault,” Bev explained.

“I had gone over and above to get him into the academy.”

Following the death of Officer Garcia, Bev got involved with

the local Arizona C.O.P.S. Chapter. She took pride in assisting

in revamping the chapter in the 1990’s, while at the same

time being transferred to the Officer Benefits Department at work.

“Through the chapter and benefits office, I got to know survivors

very, very well,” Bev explained. “I got to know survivors

and hear their stories and it just resonated with me. Helping

survivors became a part of me.”

Today, Bev continues to assist survivors through the Arizona

Chapter of C.O.P.S. Helping the families and co-workers who

have been affected by a line-of-duty death is simply her calling.

What is a better way to heal yourself than to dedicate

time to heal others?

Bev Fuller

Surviving Co-Worker of

Officer Johnny Garcia

Arizona Department of Public Safety

EOW 10/14/1989

#SurvivorStories

We Can't Live In The Bad

Fri, 02 Sep 2022 11:45:00 GMT

We all dread that phone call that happens in the middle of the night. Ours occurred on August 11, 2002, when we received a call letting us know that my brother, Detroit Police Officer Scott Stewart, was shot on duty. When we arrived at the hospital, we learned that he had been shot in the back of the head and there was no brain activity. Without a doubt, that was my family’s worst day. Within hours, two wonderful people from Michigan Concerns of Police Survivors were in my parents’ kitchen. I remember meeting surviving family members of officers killed in the line of duty all week. That day changed the course of my life.

The next year, in 2003, I attended my first Siblings Retreat. I met people who are now some of my best friends. I met two counselors who helped me more than they know. I live a life filled with amazing people, because my brother was killed in the line of duty. That’s how he would want me to live my life. He would want me to live a full and happy life. I can do that because of Concerns of Police Survivors.

I believe that good can come from bad. We can’t live in the bad, we have to live in the good. It took me awhile to get there. My brother died 20 years ago next week. I found my good life in 2015. I became a board member for MI-C.O.P.S. and became a cyclist. Who knew in my late forties, I would start to ride a bike again. Let me tell you, that first ride on my brand new shiny road bike was scary. I could only ride 10 minutes without feeling tired. When I felt I wanted to stop, my brother’s face popped in my head. He didn’t have the choice to ride, so I had to. I became the president of MI-C.O.P.S. and helped families. I also met a group of officers who would help me heal even more. They became the brothers that I had lost. NO, they did not replace my brother, who I think of every day. But they did become brothers and true friends.

The Michigan Police Unity Team gave me a reason to keep riding. To keep honoring not only my brother, but all officers. Soon, we started a Michigan ride called the Thin Blue Shoreline Memorial Ride. We honor the Michigan officers who have given their lives to protect their communities. We make sure those officers are never forgotten. Not only do we honor those officers, but we also raise money to help their families. I am so proud of the ride that we started and the awareness and money that we have raised. This is good that came from the bad.

I have also realized through my journey, mostly because of my work with C.O.P.S. and my cycling, that there are survivors that we need to help. I have made it my mission to help.

They say that the sibling survivor is the forgotten survivor. Everyone asks us how our parents are doing, how the wife is doing, how the children are doing. They never ask how we are doing. With that being said, the true forgotten survivor is the co-worker. The pain in their eyes as they tell their story. The co-workers who are the first on the scene, the ones who convey our officer’s body to the hospital, the ones who do CPR, the ones who can not get to the scene fast enough. Then they are the ones who live with the guilt, who drink more on the EOW, who silently suffer because they can’t talk about it. I have looked into those eyes and felt the pain and worried about them taking their lives. I am using my story to plead with you to get help, to at least one time attend the Co-workers Retreat. This is a safe place where you will make lifelong friends, you will have the opportunity to speak to counselors who know what you are going through. It is a place where you will walk into a room and realize YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

What can I do to help you get there? Create good from bad.

Andrea Arrington

Surviving Sister of

Officer Scott Stewart

Detroit Police Department (MI)

EOW 08/11/2002

#SurvivorsStories

Take Care of Yourself

Wed, 24 Aug 2022 12:00:13 GMT

Terry Miyares and her family have been part of C.O.P.S. for many years. In fact, she credits God, her family and C.O.P.S. for showing her how to live again without the love of her life, Officer Emilio F. Miyares, who was killed in the line of duty on November 6, 1986.

Growing up as next door neighbors and high school sweethearts, Emilio and Terry were best friends. Had she known he would be killed at just 27 years old, Terry says she would do it all over again. “Our two children, Emilio and Jessica, are the only real thing on this earth that belongs to Emilio and I have them.”

Terry spoke with another surviving spouse and learned about C.O.P.S. a few months after her husband’s death and realized her family was not alone. “From that day forward, my family and I have been glued to our C.O.P.S. family,” said Terry.

Terry and her family have remained involved with C.O.P.S. at the National and Chapter level. By helping others, they say it helps them.

Being of Cuban descent, Terry is one of the few survivors who speaks fluent Spanish and she is often called on to help the National Office translate for families. “It makes me happy when I can help someone during such a difficult time,” said Terry, “My husband, Carlos, always tells me ‘you won the lotto again; you helped another survivor’ and that is exactly how I feel.”

Terry has this advice for new surviving spouses: “Life goes on, but in a different and sometimes difficult way. Be sure to take care of yourself before anyone else and if you have kids, I believe if you are ok, the kids will be ok.”

Terry Miyares

Surviving Spouse of

Police Officer Emilio F. Miyares

Hialeah Police Department

EOW 11/6/1986

#SurvivorStories

The Best Thing I Could Have Done

Wed, 17 Aug 2022 11:45:00 GMT

I would like to tell you my story and my experience with C.O.P.S Outward Bound.

My father was Lt. Corey Dahlem EOW 4/4/07. I was a freshman in college when my dad was killed. As any C.O.P.S member knows this

is a day that changes everything forever.

I was invited to go to Outward Bound soon after his death. I had done mission work through ASP and also did mission trips to Haiti from the time I was 13,

but I had never done a trip on my own. My mom talked me into going and it was the best thing I could have done!

Since I was 18 when my father was killed, I could only do a few camps, but I met so many young adults that were in the same situation that I was. I am 34 now and I am still in contact with them. I have met up with them in D.C. at National Police Week and have even seen them when I travel, or they travel to Florida.

I am a Pediatric Oncology nurse at Shands UF hospital and just recently started school to become a Nurse Practitioner.

I feel that C.O.P.S has been a part of my success.

Katie Dahlem

Surviving Adult Child of

Lieutenant Corey Dahlem

Gainesville Police Department (FL)

EOW 4/4/2007

#SurvivorStories

Truly Family To Us

Wed, 10 Aug 2022 11:45:00 GMT

Cathy and Gilbert Lee became survivors when their son, New York City Police Officer Kevin Lee, died in the line of duty on January 27, 2006. Officer Lee was not only a loving son, husband, father, brother and uncle, he was an amazing officer who truly cared about his community. He would take coffee and treats to the homeless while on his beat,

commute two hours even in major snow storms in order to never miss his shift, and after the events of 9/11 he

collected contributions to buy warm clothes to have readily available for the volunteers.

That giving spirit that Officer Lee had ran deep in his blood and in the way he was raised. Cathy and Gilbert continue that spirit and honor their son in multiple ways. They helped start the Metro New York C.O.P.S. Chapter in 2012, they attend National C.O.P.S. events such as National Police Week and trainings, and they are some of the welcoming faces that return to Parents Retreat each year to help other parents who are just starting their path to healing.

As if their involvement in all these things isn’t enough, they have taken on the responsibility of making goody bags for their New York families attending National Police Week for the first time. Each bag has snacks, water, tissues, an informative welcome letter, and two pocket rosaries handmade by

Gilbert and Cathy. They started making them the year their son died.

Gilbert says, “Our involvement with C.O.P.S. has been very rewarding and we have met so many people that are truly family to us.”

Gilbert & Cathy Lee

Surviving Parents of

Officer Kevin Lee

New York City Police Department

EOW 1/27/2006

Find What Makes You Happy

Wed, 03 Aug 2022 11:45:00 GMT

Cochise County (AZ) Sheriff’s Deputy Leroy Brown, EOW 12/6/1969, was just 38 years old when he was ambushed by a man he had arrested a few months prior. He left behind his wife and two young sons. His son T.C. was just four-years-old but still remembers trips to the desert with his dad, as well as little things like his dad coming and going from the house. Even sips of Pepsi remind him of his dad over five decades later.

T.C. admits growing up without a dad was easier for him than it can be for other surviving children. “All my friends had dads, but I didn’t know any different,” says T.C. “Losing my dad was more detrimental to my mother. I had to adapt by myself and C.O.P.S. would have made a huge difference back then.” He now attends the C.O.P.S. Adult Children’s Retreat where he has met some of his best friends.

As an adult, T.C. and his wife Joellen have gotten more involved with C.O.P.S. Although T.C. attends the retreat alone, they both have been heavily involved in the COPS Walk events with Joellen being one of the top fundraisers! “T.C.’s family didn’t talk about Leroy so I’ve gotten to know him through T.C. and these events,” says Joellen. “Even his childhood friends will donate to my walk. My favorite part of the walks is getting to know other survivors and then crossing the finish line together!” Waiting at the finish line is always her loving husband, as T.C. offers his photography services for free at the events!

Growing up with no discussions of his dad has T.C. giving advice to the children, but also the surviving parent. He says, “Find what makes you happy and them proud. Remember what they were like when they were alive, don’t just forget them once they die.”

T.C. Brown

Surviving Adult Child of

Cochise County (AZ) Sheriff’s

Deputy Leroy Brown

EOW 12/6/1969

#SurvivorsStories

#SurvivorStories - Pat Carruth

Wed, 27 Jul 2022 12:00:01 GMT

Click the play button to view this video.

He is Always There for Me

Wed, 20 Jul 2022 11:45:00 GMT

I lost my dad when I was 4 years old, Officer Robert Bennett – EOW June 17th, 2004. I have spent a large portion of my life with the gaping hole where a father should be due to the evils in this world. With that being said, even while I have not physically had him by me, he has still managed to teach and guide me throughout everything.

Caroline Bennett

Surviving Adult Child of

Officer Charles Robert Bennett

Birmingham (AL) Police Department

EOW 06/17/2004

Not A Day Goes By

Wed, 13 Jul 2022 11:45:00 GMT

On May 28, 2014, my best friend and best man to-be in my wedding, Alex Giannini, was killed in a rollover accident on Interstate 10 in Benson, Arizona during Border Patrol operations. The months that followed were very hard on his family and myself. The presence of Peer Support Members from USBP made dealing with grief a little bit easier and helped me understand that what I was going through was normal. Throughout the year that followed and up to Police Week in DC with the family, I went through all the grief cycles.

Seeing the role that the PSM’s had during the crisis his family and I had experienced inspired me to join the program. In April 2018 I became a Peer Support Member and was able to share my experiences with other LEO’s who were going through what I had gone through.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about Alex and how his death has impacted my life and the lives of many others. However, I am grateful that I have had the opportunity to share my story with others who are feeling the same grief and sadness that I have experienced and had to overcome.

Stay safe,

B.H.

Surviving Co-Worker of Border Patrol Agent Alexander Giannini

U.S. Customs & Border Protection

EOW 5/28/2014

Never Forgotten

Wed, 06 Jul 2022 11:45:00 GMT

C.O.P.S has done so much for my family and I since my husband, State Trooper Gerald “Jerry” Ellis, died in March 30, 2019.

A drunk driver was going the wrong way, and hit him head on. He was my husband and the father of our children.

Those we have connected with continue to check up on us and make sure we have not been forgotten.

Stacy Ellis

Surviving Spouse of

State Trooper Gerald Ellis

Illinois State Police

EOW 3/30/2019

#SurvivorStories

Every Life Has A Story

Wed, 29 Jun 2022 11:45:01 GMT

Every life is a story! Thank you for being part of ours!!

This is our family's journey!

It all started on a family trip where our Son Peter, 4 years old at the time, saw a sheriff’s toy badge; we bought it for him. He wore it with a smile...

That was the beginning of our son’s journey in working in law enforcement.

He would always say that one day he was going to protect the President of the United States. At the age of 10, we placed him in a ninjutsu academy in which he continued on throughout his teenage years. As a junior in high school, he joined the Police Explorers Program, which led to him applying for The County of El Paso Sheriff’s Department upon graduating high school.

On February 22, 2008 he started as a Detention Officer where he excelled; all while he was working with other law enforcement agencies on his days off. His passion was so great, that years later he became a Sheriff’s Deputy! We were so proud of his endeavors. He was continuing to grow his law enforcement knowledge and experience so that one day he could become a Detective.

March of 2019 took the family on a different path, this time without our son Peter…

While conducting a traffic stop, he was met with gunfire and two days later succumbed to his injuries. I was a proud LEO mother, but I always talked to Peter about the "what if" factor within his job. I made sure he understood the importance of blessing himself before he leaves to work and when he returned safely home.

It has not been easy since we lost our son; I get so many tears, but haven't lost my faith in God!

Esther Herrera

Surviving Mother of

Deputy Sheriff Peter Herrera

El Paso County Sheriff's Office

EOW 3/24/2019

#SurvivorStories

Seeing A Child Smile

Wed, 22 Jun 2022 11:45:01 GMT

Seeing a child smile through difficult times can soften the toughest of grown men. For Milwaukee County (WI) Sheriff’s (Retired) Sergeant Bill Theep, the surviving children at C.O.P.S. Kids Camp did that daily, and often left him on the brink of tears.

“Working with the younger children, ages six and seven, is fun because they are so energetic, but sometimes more difficult because they don’t have many memories of their fallen parent,” says Theep. “Things such as not remembering their parent’s favorite meal can be devastating to them.”

In 2007, Bill started volunteering with airport transportation for C.O.P.S. Kids Camp, which has been held in the Milwaukee area for several years. It was easier to arrive and then leave, but the second year changed when he was invited to spend the day with campers.

“I was in uniform and wearing my vest. A young boy came up and poked me in the chest and said ‘my dad didn’t wear his’,” says Bill. “Incidents like that make you become more vocal about having things in order, just in case.”

From then on, Bill served as a mentor and was in charge of organizing Law Enforcement Night for the campers, including getting a helicopter, tank, and K-9’s to camp.

Bill experienced several critical incidents throughout his career. Still, the line-of-duty death of his friend and co-worker Milwaukee County Sheriff’s Deputy Sergio Aleman in 2012 changed him even more. He remains close with Deputy Aleman’s surviving family.

Now retired and spending more time with his grandkids, Bill looks forward to continuing to be a welcoming face at C.O.P.S. Kids Camp and encouraging other law enforcement in Wisconsin to get involved.

Bill Theep

Surviving Co-Worker of

Deputy Sheriff Sergio Aleman

Milwaukee County (WI) Sheriff's Office

EOW 7/31/2012

Brave, Honest, and Giving

Wed, 15 Jun 2022 11:45:00 GMT

Kim Ellis lost her dad, Dallas (TX) Police Officer Sunny Ma Lov, when she was four years old. “Growing up fatherless was hard,” says Kim. “I was never anyone’s little girl, no one’s princess, and that led me to become a tomboy who wanted to take care of myself growing up.”

Kim says she always felt something was missing and found support in her faith. “I found God. That’s been the biggest impact!” says Kim. “I don’t have a lot of memories but, what I do know is my dad was brave, honest, and giving! Attributes I hope I have.”

Kim also found love within the law enforcement community; her husband Mitchell. “The blue family is a brotherhood who takes care of each other,” says Mitchell. “It’s a family that understands the stress, the schedules, and the sacrifices officers make.”

Kim says they are blessed to have so many people to call family across the country because of the thin blue line’s brotherhood.

In 2018, Mitchell (Kim's Husband) lost his friend and co-worker, Fort Worth (TX) Police Officer Garrett Hull, in the line of duty. “As an officer, it’s made me realize that any day could be our last day,” says Mitchell. “I struggled after Garrett’s death to be the best husband I could be, but having a support group and good counselors has helped me recover and find normalcy again.”

Mitchell attends the C.O.P.S. Adult Children’s Retreat with Kim where he appreciates a new perspective to empathize with Kim’s loss. Kim added, “No one understands or empathizes with the loss of our officers like at the retreat. It’s fun, it’s powerful, and safe!”

Kim served as Vice President for the Metro Texas C.O.P.S. Chapter from 2018-2020 and Mitchell is an Officer Liaison. Attending meetings, planning events and connecting with survivors in their area is healing for them both. “We want them to know they are not alone,” says Kim. “Get involved, tell your story, and take advantage of what C.O.P.S. offers.”

Kim Ellis

Surviving Daughter of

Officer Sunny Ma Lov

Dallas (TX) Police Department

EOW: 11/4/1990

I'm Here For As Long As I'm Needed

Wed, 08 Jun 2022 11:45:01 GMT

Mary Carmikle and her best friend, Monty, were inseparable in high school. It took Monty telling her out of nowhere one day that he was in love with her for Mary to realize she was in love with him, too. Almost 24 years of marriage later, life for Mary and her husband, Arkansas Game and Fish Sergeant Darrell “Monty” Carmikle, was good.

That changed on November 16, 2008, when a helicopter crash took Monty’s life. Mary was shattered. Mary lost the love of her life and their 15-year-old son, Caleb, was left without a father.

“Monty was larger than life at 6’4”, 250 pounds, and loud! His heart was as big as he was,” says Mary. “I was this quiet little mouse next to him.”

Mary found her local C.O.P.S. chapter and started making friends with other survivors. Soon after, she became the larger than life presence in Arkansas C.O.P.S. that she never thought she could be. “I started to get involved because I wanted to keep Monty’s name out there, but now it’s so much more. It’s about being there for each other,” says Mary. “I took one of the worst days and made something good out of it.”

In 2018, Mary took another leap of faith and started serving survivors at the National level through her position as South Central Region Trustee on the C.O.P.S. National Board. “It’s an honor to have chapters trust me in my region,” says Mary. “I miss the one-on-one meetings with survivors at the chapter level but my voice is greater on the board.”

In June of 2020, Mary watched her son Caleb get married, another life moment she wishes Monty could share with them. “I keep going for Caleb, but also for other survivors,” says Mary. “I’m here for as long as I’m needed.”

Mary Carmikle

Surviving Spouse of

Sergeant Darrell "Monty" Carmikle

Arkansas Game & Fish Commission

EOW 11/16/2008

#SurvivorStories

Through it All

Fri, 03 Jun 2022 13:22:21 GMT

The COVID-19 Pandemic shocked the world. Meetings were canceled, events were canceled, businesses were closed or limited to public access. Law enforcement was hit hard with a wave of line-of-duty deaths from the virus itself, especially in Texas.

Through it all, Cheryl Railsback and Danielle Story-Stinson have worked tirelessly to assist every survivor within the area of the Greater Houston C.O.P.S. Chapter. With so many officers losing their lives to Covid across the state, Cheryl and Danielle found themselves providing additional support to neighboring chapters in any way they could.

“The pandemic really made us realize how much we relied on being able to meet each other, the family members, and the departments in person,” says Danielle. “It has challenged us to adapt to the video chat and has allowed us to streamline processes for contacting the survivors.”

The increase of line-of-duty deaths due to COVID-19 brings with it the additional outreach needed to support surviving families and co-workers. The importance of chapters working together as needed has proved necessary.

“We do a lot to assist the survivors, especially when it comes to working with the other Texas Chapters. The Texas Memorial is an example of that,” says Cheryl. “We have to work hand in hand to get an event like that done. It’s a joint effort, all for the survivors.”

Officers will never be forgotten, and their survivors will never be alone. Not even a pandemic can stop that.

Surviving Spouse of Arlington (TX) Surviving Mother of Chambers County (TX)

Police Officer Craig Story Sheriff’s Deputy Shane Detwiler

EOW 1/13/2010 EOW 7/13/2009

Continue - Pick Up - Resume - Restart

Wed, 25 May 2022 14:19:12 GMT

Continue, pick up, resume, restart. These words have been used by survivors when speaking about their lives after losing their officer. These words also describe the dedication of Kim Murray and Wanda Rhyne since the loss of their husbands in the line of duty; pick up, resume, and restart the North Carolina C.O.P.S. Chapter.

In 2015, the North Carolina C.O.P.S. Chapter fell on some hardships. The chapter needed a restart and National Chapter Liaison, Janis Lampe, knew just who to contact.

“Janis contacted me and said we needed to restart the chapter,” says Wanda. “She told me that she needed me at Chapter Training in two weeks. We went, came back, and formed our first board.”

Since then, Kim and Wanda have made a point to ensure that early contact with the departments is being made, followed by reaching the surviving family members. They know firsthand that the timing of assistance after a line-of-duty death is important in the grieving process, as well as the need to start the process for benefits.

Kim and Wanda continue to take steps to ensure the success of the chapter. “When the chapter was shut down, we just started making contacts and moved forward from there,” says Wanda. “We did this turn around, but it was due in large part to all of the help and teamwork we had with each other and from other survivors.”

Kim Murray and Wanda Rhyne

Surviving Spouses of

Sergeant Dulan Murray Jr. & Deputy Sherriff Richard Rhyne

EOW 5/15/2009 & EOW 12/8/2011

#SurvivorStories

Love & Miss You Always

Tue, 10 May 2022 11:45:04 GMT

I became a law enforcement survivor on January 7, 2006 when my uncle, East Palo Alto Police Officer Rich May, was shot and killed in the line of duty. I was five at the time and experienced a lot of second-hand trauma that affected me a lot growing up. I have only begun to recognize that trauma and recently attended my first Hands-On Program.

Through the years I struggled with watching my grandma go through the loss of her son and my mom in despair not having her brother in her life anymore. I have learned over the years to push false statements by other family members out of my mind and focus on my own mental well-being. I had to wait a long time to attend the Extended Family Retreat. I finally turned 21 and attended the retreat in June with another niece. She and I bonded over our similar upbringings and finally to have the ability to be a part of a C.O.P.S. Hands On program.

Rich, I know you’re always watching over us. Love and miss you always.

Mandi McMillan

Surviving Niece of Officer Rich May

East Palo Alto Police Department

EOW 1/7/2006

#SurvivorStories

I Began to Grieve

Wed, 04 May 2022 11:45:03 GMT

On 4/2/1994, I started a new life when you gave me away to my future husband. Little did I know that a year and about 4 months later, my world would get turned upside down.

On 8/28/1995, my brother Michael Grant Miller, was killed in a helicopter accident near Bixby Oklahoma while on duty. When the helicopter accident broke through on the television, I was admitting our Mother to the hospital. My heart broke for the family, as the news footage showed emergency crew working on the person. Little did I know that it was my brother until approximately 2 hours later when I got the call at the hospital from my sister.

Denial came first, then the next 3 days all I could do is cry. Soon I started pushing my pain to the side and attempted to just not think about my loss. I have 3 other siblings and we never discussed our feelings. Especially about our brother, Michael. Which made it easier not to deal with my feelings, but never allowed me to grieve the loss of my brother.

I knew about the C.O.P.S. Siblings Retreat but to me, it was not for me. However, 19 years later after the death of Michael, I finally attended the Retreat. I didn’t know what to expect. You could say that I was overwhelmed by all the siblings of Fallen Heroes that wanted to hug and love on me. I cried so hard like Michael’s death was just the day before I arrived to the Retreat. This is when my true grieving started and I knew the healing process would start. I am in a better place with the help of my C.O.P.S. Siblings, Mental Health Professionals and Staff Members. My heart will never be the same because I have lost my oldest brother, but he did leave me one of the greatest gift and that is, a huge family of siblings.

Mitzi Jenkins

Surviving Sibling of

Investigator Michael Miller

US Dept. of the Interior (AZ)

EOW 8/28/1995

#SurvivorStories

Hope to Make Him Proud

Tue, 03 May 2022 18:43:00 GMT

My name is Rishi Singh, I am a Deputy with the Harris County Sheriff’s Office. In my short 10 year career, thus far, I have lost 6 brothers to various reasons. One that hits the hardest would be Sandeep Singh Dhaliwal. Sandeep and I are from the same religion Sikh. At the time, before his line-of-duty death, there were only 4 of us from the Sikh religion at the department with over 5200 employees. Sandeep and I went to High School together, we attended the same temple and our families know each other. At one point we even shared a car.

When the news about Sandeep being shot and killed was out, it not only affected me, but my family as well. Knowing him, but being from the same culture played a factor as well. There are three things that hurt my heart that have been said to me after his passing. His father said, “you remind me of him”, his sisters said, “you don’t have 1 sister, you now have 3” and by family friends “stay strong, his son needs you”.

For those who knew Sandeep, knew what a kind hearted individual he was. He was such a humanitarian. They called him a pioneer for Sikhs to be in law enforcement paving the way, but I’ll add, he was an ambassador.

I have been attending C.O.P.S. Coworkers for 5 years now and at first, like most, I was skeptical. Now I’ll say it was the best decision I made. I have made lifelong friends, heard other stories from officers from around the nation with eerily similar stories. C.O.P.S. is not only a great resource to utilize to help cope with emotional stress, but a wellness journey you join with many others who help each other mentally.

I don’t just get the emotional support I need, I help spread the word. I along with the Houston Chapter President, go to various agencies in and around Houston and speak to officers about C.O.P.S. and its importance. I am also a part of my peer support team at my agency and have assisted in a number of debriefs for surrounding agencies. I mention the latter, to hope one day make Sandeep proud, by helping others who may need support who may not know of this great organization. And what it stands for.

Rishi Singh

Surviving Co-Worker of

Deputy Sherriff Sandeep Dhaliwal

Harris County Sheriff’s Office

EOW 9/27/2019

#SurvivorStories

Proud of the Bond

Wed, 27 Apr 2022 12:00:16 GMT

“My son and I spoke every morning and every afternoon,” says Virginia. She says he was most proud of his daughter, Kamaryn, now 18, and his son, Kendrix, now 8. “Kamaryn and her father shared a love of animals and he knew she wanted to be a veterinarian one day. He would be so proud she is now studying pre-veterinary science in college.”

The love for Agent Frazier was evident through the support of his agency. “It’s never two weeks that pass before a TBI agent will come check on us,” says Virginia.

Virginia Mondie

Surviving Mother of

Special Agent De'Greaun Fraizer

EOW 8/9/2016

I feel I Have Succeeded

Wed, 20 Apr 2022 11:45:04 GMT

Imagine being married to the love of your life for 16 years, raising your 13 year old daughter and 10 year old twin sons, and living what some would call the “American Dream.” That’s what life was like for Denise Scarbrough, until February 9, 2005, when her husband, Michael, was killed in an automobile accident due to icy conditions.

“Michael was a family-focused man who spent most of his free time with our children and me,” says Denise. “He had a great sense of humor, and when you heard him laugh, you couldn’t help but laugh, too.”

Members of the Michigan C.O.P.S. Chapter attended Michael’s funeral and immediately told Denise about Kids Camp. “Kids Camp was the first time my kids and I felt like there were other people who could understand our loss,” says Denise. “I felt like myself since losing Michael six months prior. I didn’t have to explain that I was a widow because everyone there was too.”

During her sons’ last year at camp in 2009, Denise wanted to find a way to give back. As an Occupational Therapist, she had often used arts and crafts as a modality to help clients heal. Suzie Sawyer loved the idea with just one request; one of the crafts needed to be a memorial craft to honor their officer. She has been in charge of crafts every year since.

“Every year, when one of the campers approaches me and shows me their finished project with a smile on their face, I know I have made a positive impact,” says Denise. “When campers run into the room and enthusiastically ask what we are going to do that day, I know what I do matters. If I can do for them, what was done for me and my family, I feel I have succeeded.”

Denise Scarbrough

Surviving Spouse of

Wayne County (MI) Airport Police

Sergeant Michael Scarbrough

EOW 2/9/2005

#SurvivorStories

I Didn't Think I Would Laugh Again

Thu, 14 Apr 2022 11:45:03 GMT

I didn’t think I would laugh again. I couldn’t laugh. I was mad. At least not like I laughed with him; he was a goof and knew how to make us all laugh. I thought it was so unfair for me to enjoy life without him. I was really mad.

On August 1, 2011 my little brother, Missouri State Trooper Frederick F Guthrie Jr and his K-9 Reed died in the line of duty while patrolling the Missouri River flooding. He was patrolling to protect people of the community. He was there to keep watch. But who was there to protect him?

Teresa called - they can’t find Fred. My first thought was he is out walking Reed, exploring the banks of the flood, anything - never in my wildest dreams did I think that he was gone. He was the Ultimate River Warrior! We all searched for him, just knowing he would reappear or comeback. But, that didn’t happen.

Reed, Fred’s K-9 surfaced 2 days after searching but it took many more days to find Fred. The hardest is not knowing. Wondering, how did it happen? Why did it happen? It was a horrible flood. I couldn’t be around any type of running water without hearing the rushing of the flood waters without remembering those days. I was mad.

Enter Concerns of Police Survivors and EMDR. It was so hard, when Fred died, for me to not feel guilty for laughing, even though I hardly laughed anymore. I actually didn’t find my true belly laugh again until I attended my first Siblings Retreat. I couldn’t be around any type of running water without hearing the rushing of the flood waters without remembering those days. I missed his calls at 5 a.m., his big voice when he entered a room, his singing off tune, so much to remember and so much to miss. Concerns of Police Survivors introduced me to a family of other survivors that not only showed me that I would be ok, but showed me that I could still hurt, cry, get angry, miss him but there was another side to grieving - that was healing. And with that came a group, a family, that welcomed me with no rules, they took all my baggage good and bad. C.O.P.S. taught me how to deal with my life without my little brother, but yet still remember him and honor him. Don’t let someone talk you out of connecting with this organization, don’t let someone tell you “it’s not for everyone” - it is for everyone! Peer support is the absolute best kind of healing. You can never have too many family members.

I am not mad anymore. My brother believed in God, family, and the community he swore to serve and protect. He believed in the goodness of people, and if they were not good he had a way of seeing the good in them. He served our community and served it well. His reputation spread over many miles and counties. He was funny yet serious, kind yet stern when he needed to be, and no matter where he went he made a friend. He was a great law enforcement officer. He was just a good person. He was a HERO but he was so much more to me.

Thank you C.O.P.S. for not giving up on me!!

Wendy Viers

Surviving Sibling of

Trooper Frederick F. Guthrie Jr. & K-9 Reed

Missouri State Highway Patrol

EOW 8/01/2011

#SurvivorStories

Know That You Are Not Alone

Wed, 06 Apr 2022 12:00:25 GMT

Brigitte Wendel was nine years old when her father was shot and killed on July 30, 2003. Her two brothers were 11 and 4. As young children, their friends had never experienced loss, especially not of a parent. A special bond was created between the siblings, although there were still feelings of being alone in their grief. “Once you lose someone you love so much, you tend to keep others you love closer to you,” says Brigitte.

Brigitte loves to share memories of her father, who was the life of the party. He would spare no detail to make sure his kids enjoyed every moment and created lasting memories. “When I was young, all I wanted was to see my dad again,” says Brigitte. “As an adult, each new big life event he misses starts the grief process over again. That relationship as an adult with him is what I want the most.”

Once at C.O.P.S. Kids Camp, Brigitte realized she wasn’t alone. For that one week, Brigitte and her brothers felt “normal.” She went on to attend Outward Bound® as an attendee and as a mentor. To keep her C.O.P.S. family close more often, Brigitte enjoys riding with other survivors and law enforcement officers with Law Enforcement United (LEU). “I remember watching LEU arrive in my town when I was in high school. I knew I had to be a part of it. At some of the stops, we honor officers from decades to even centuries ago. That’s what it truly means to never forget.”

As for advice to other surviving children, Brigitte wants you to know this: “I think as children, we are told how to feel, but it’s okay to not feel how the adults say you should be feeling. Everyone grieves differently and as a child all those emotions make you do things and react in ways that are different than others. That doesn’t mean how you are reacting is wrong. Know that you are not alone. There are other kids that know how you are feeling, you just have to find them.”

Brigitte Wendel

Surviving Daughter of

Police Officer Doug Wendel

Richmond (VA) Police Department

EOW 7/30/2003

Retired Maryland Police Officer Collects Lapel Pins

blake_haynes@nationalcops.org — Thu, 31 Mar 2022 16:23:42 GMT

For many law enforcement officers, the passion for the job keeps you going each day. When retirement arrives, that same passion doesn’t always fade. When David Peller retired from working for the federal government after 40+ years, he turned his passion into the hobby of collecting primarily badge lapel pins that represent

law enforcement agencies from all across the world.

“I think highly of my collection and my goal is to have a pin for every police agency in the United States,” David said, “It’s something that I strive for.”

David displays his collection proudly, and has been featured amongst his fellow members of the International Police Association and was the subject of an article in the Washington Post in 2014. The pins are more than a collection to him, as he says it’s also a way for him to connect with departments by reaching out in hopes they can spare a pin for his collection.

When David decides to stop collecting the pins, he has committed to donating his collection to the National Law Enforcement Museum, located in Washington D.C.

“All my pins are different and I want them to live on,” David said.

As the collection continues, David needs your help! If you would like to assist David in his efforts of building up his lapel pin collection, all pins are welcome!

You can send your pin(s) to:

David Peller

Blair House

8201-16th Street

Suite 518

Photo of David - Credit: The Washington Post

Silver Spring, MD 20910

Not Alone

Wed, 30 Mar 2022 11:45:03 GMT

Saturday, October 4, 2008 started out as a completely normal day. Bradley woke me up, kissed me goodbye and said “I love you; I will see you tonight! Kiss the girls for me when they wake up.”

Two hours later, I received a call that changed our entire world… My husband was in a horrible accident, and he probably wouldn't make it. I prayed the whole way to the hospital, begging God to not let him die.

After what seemed like a lifetime of waiting, a doctor and two nurses came into the ER room I was in and started talking medical jargon. I kindly interrupted him and asked “is my husband going to be, okay?” He put his head down, and with tears coming out of the corner of his eyes he said “your husband’s injuries are too severe to survive!” Life as I knew it was over. I didn't know how I was going to get through the minutes of each day… let alone live forever without him. How was I going to tell our babies, who were only 1 and 3 that their daddy was never coming home??!! Bradley was one of a kind. The most amazing person to have ever lived. I will forever feel lucky that he picked me to spend the rest of his life with!!

About a month after losing Bradley, C.O.P.S. reached out to me. Although they couldn't bring him back and heal our broken hearts, they were there to support us, letting us know that we were not alone. They made me see that there was life after loss. Not that life would ever be the same again, but that we would find a new normal. C.O.P.S. helped me find peace through this tragedy and for that, I will always be grateful to this organization. C.O.P.S. will always have a special place in my heart.

While this journey of grief is a rollercoaster of emotions; all the ups and downs I know that Bradley is still here with me, in the best way he can. Having C.O.P.S. survivors in my life has been a saving grace for me. Knowing that I have people that understand me, REALLY gives me the strength I need to have to get through each day!

I love the friendships that my daughters have made (now 14 and 16 years old) through C.O.P.S. The bond that these kids have will be forever, it’s a gift that is truly priceless!

We are a family not born from a blood line, but bonded in life by a blue one!

Susan Moody

Surviving Spouse of

K9 Officer Bradley Moody

EOW 10.07.2008

Richmond Police Department (CA)

#SurvivorStories

He Wrote Me A Ticket

Wed, 23 Mar 2022 11:45:03 GMT

My husband and I met when he wrote me a ticket.

He cut my speed back, but said he had to write the ticket because his Sergeant clocked me, this was in 1986. We married shortly after in 1988 and had a baby boy in 1990. James’ EOW is April 27, 1991, he was only 32 and I was 23.

C.O.P.S. sent me something in the mail so I called and talked to Suzie Sawyer. She was my life line for over a year. She made calls on my behalf, she listened, sent me pamphlets, books and they continue to remember my LEO on his EOW every year with a card. I will never forget what C.O.P.S. has done for me.

Thank You!

Kim Stewart Grantham

Surviving Spouse of

James Stewart Jr.

Georgia Department of Public Safety

EOW 4/27/1991

#SurvivorStories

The Most Impactful Thing

Wed, 16 Mar 2022 11:45:05 GMT

“The most impactful thing that I have experienced was the escort of the kids/teens to Quantico,” Randy said. “Seeing the impact and what it meant to the kids led us to organizing the motor escort for the kids attending Kids Camp each Summer.”

The joy in assisting with and organizing the two motor escorts at these events over the last 16 years has led Randy to getting involved more on the Chapter level with Wisconsin C.O.P.S. In recent years, he has been involved with chapter fundraisers, and served as a representative for the chapter at National Police Week assisting with the surviving families.

“Every time that I am involved with the organization, I do it because I know that those kids I am helping could have been my kids,” Randy explained. “It’s very impactful when you can be there for them, knowing that if tragedy would have struck my family, someone would have been there for my kids.”

Moving forward, Randy has a goal of training other individuals in the chapter to navigate group registrations for National Police Week. This will help get more survivors involved with the organization at their local level.

Randy Wiessinger

Surviving Co-Worker of

Deputy Richard Treadwell

Dane County (WI) Sheriff's Office

EOW 8/22/2020

Worth the Wait

Wed, 02 Mar 2022 12:45:03 GMT

It took 24 years. For some, this amount of time doesn’t feel very long. For others, this amount of time can feel like an eternity. A time frame that could cause some to lose hope of seeing your officer recognized by the community he swore on oath to serve and protect, and died doing just that. December 5, 1997, Officers Daniel Pope and Ronald Jeter were shot and killed while attempting to serve a domestic violence warrant at 23 W. Hollister St. in Cincinnati (OH). Both officers left behind families to pick up the pieces and attempt to heal while carrying on the memory of their loved one.

“Like other survivors, my life got to a point that I consider to be the absolute worst after I lost my husband,” said Linda Pope, surviving spouse of Officer Pope.

For many years after Officer Pope’s death, Linda reached out to the local department and government officials to see what they could do to honor not only her husband, but Officer Ronald Jeter as well. She worked on ideas such as honoring the officers with a street sign, but nothing ever came of her hard work. It got to the point where she finally just gave up on the thought of her husband’s sacrifice receiving recognition.

“I had given up,” said Linda, “I had asked to have something done for recognition, but it just never happened, and in the back of my mind, I always had the thought of ‘what about Dan?’ as other officers received their rightful recognition.”

As Linda navigated her grief journey, she met Bruce Baker, her significant other, and got involved with C.O.P.S. Both played huge roles in helping her realize she could truly be happy again. They each came along at very trying times and lifted her up, allowing her to honor and remember “her Dan” with a smile on her face. She knew that even if he never received the recognition publicly, he would never be forgotten.

“So many of my friends that have lost an officer have kids, so they have that reason to get up in the morning, they still have a team they can lean on,” said Linda. “Finding Spouses Retreat and meeting Bruce allowed me to have people see me at my worst, but to work through it with them to become a team.”

While Linda and Bruce were vacationing in Arizona, she received an unexpected call from the Vice Mayor’s Office stating that the city of Cincinnati would like to honor both Officer Pope and Officer Jeter with street signs!

“I was like WHAT?!?” Linda said. “I was so excited that this was finally going to happen!”

After the phone call, the Vice Mayor’s Office allowed Linda to work through the logistics of getting the signs. She was even able to pick the corner where

the signs will remain for the public to see.

“They let me run with it,” said Linda. “It made everything even more special to me.”

After all of the waiting, all the hard work, the time to unveil the signs came on October 8, 2021. These signs will forever honor the two officers for serving and protecting the community. Linda made sure to have Bruce and members of her C.O.P.S. family there, two pillars in her life that brought her joy back.

“The day was filled with a lot of emotion, from tears to laughter,” said Linda. “This is something that I had dedicated 24 years of my life to, and to be able to share this moment with Bruce and the others in attendance? Let’s just say a whole lot of things got accomplished that day.”

It took 24 years. After 24 years of waiting, Linda’s day had come and sharing the moment with those who helped her heal was worth the wait. With Officer Jeter’s cousin by her side, the street sign was attached and each family received their own replica sign to display in their homes.

Linda added, “It was the best day ever!”

Linda Pope

Surviving Spouse of

Officer Daniel Pope

Cincinnati (OH) Police Department

EOW 12/5/1997

We Were So Proud Of Him

Wed, 23 Feb 2022 12:45:03 GMT

At age 22, Matt decided on the Law Enforcement Academy, we were so proud of him; he graduated from the Academy on June 16, 2015.

He then started his position just as a Sheriff Deputy for Falls County, TX. He was then promoted to K-9 Sheriff Deputy in 2018. Matt loved his career, 6 months prior to his passing, he told Ronnie and I that one day he wanted to become a Sheriff; he took an Oath and he took it seriously.

Then that fateful day came…. October 11, 2019, our families’ world fell apart. On that day I went to lunch at 12:30pm and did not have to be back until around I went in back to work at 1:30pm soon after a news alert came on my Boss’s phone stating there was a bad wreck in Falls County and a Sheriff Deputy was killed. I said oh my, my son is a deputy in that county, she asked if I needed a break to make some calls, which I tried to call Matt but it went to voice mail. I then figured he was busy working the accident but in the back of my mind I was still troubled.

We were excused for the day at 3:30pm and as I was going to my car, I checked my phone and had several missed calls. So, I went back into the building as I felt like it was not good news and did not want to be myself. I went into the office with my boss and asked her to stay with me while I found out what was going on. I tried to call Ronnie, Matt, Courtney, my other’s sons, no answer. I then called Jeannie, Courtney’s mom, Matt’s mother-in-law and she was crying and said” Debbie, I don’t want to be the one to tell you…. but……I knew, I screamed, dropped the phone and just kept crying and saying Matt’s name. My boss did not know me well, I had just started there, and she asked me who she needed to call for me. I asked her to try and call Ronnie. Finally, after about 30 minutes, I got ahold of Ronnie and he told me what happened and the Police were on their way to drive me home. I worked about 25 miles from my home. It seemed like forever for them to get me; I did not get home until almost 5pm.

When I got home, there were so many people there, family, friends, neighbors. Courtney had a patrol unit at her home and she did not want everyone to be over there. I felt numb and as if I was in a bad dream.

It just did not feel real or that Matt was taken away from us. The next 7 days were such a blur, we had to get things done for services, get a dinner together, talk with the chaplain, and visitation and the services were ever so overwhelming. We only got to spend 2 hours alone with Matt that whole week. It was just awful.

Our lives have been forever changed. Matt was the center of everything. He touched people lives that we did not even know until he passed away. He had over 1500 people attend his service. Matt had a beautiful service with all the Honor Guards and Law Enforcement involved.

We still have people today saying how they met Matt and remember his smile or how nice he was, he would help anyone in need.

We are still grieving; trying to find some kind of normalcy now. The C.O.P.S. chapter has helped and supported us a lot; along with some family members and friends. We miss Matt every day and we know in our hearts that the Lord was there holding Matt on that day taking him home. Matt will be forever missed; he will never be forgotten.

Thank you for letting me share Matt’s Story.

Debbie Jones

Surviving Mother of

Deputy Sheriff Matthew Jones

Falls County (TX) Sheriff’s Office

EOW 10/11/2019

#SurvivorStories

I Can Be Myself

Wed, 16 Feb 2022 12:45:03 GMT

I feel like I can be myself at camp; I am comfortable here because the others (campers) are like me. We share a very close bond with one another because everyone knows what it is like to lose a parent.

I am able to speak freely without feeling like I am going to be judged or thought about differently. It (the retreat) just lets you not be ‘stuck’ in your

day-to-day life.

Ebony Jimenez

Surviving Child of

Officer Samuel Jimenez

Chicago (IL) Police Department

EOW 11/19/2018

#SurvivorStories

A Profound Impact

Wed, 09 Feb 2022 12:45:03 GMT

Andrea Arrington, Surviving Sibling of Officer Scott Stewart

The C.O.P.S. organization and EMDR has not only had a profound impact on my life, but has done so for many of my friends and family. I have watched anger dissipate in my daughter, my sister worked through a horrific stuck memory and I have seen police officers cope with horrible events they have experienced throughout their careers. I would not have the sense of peace in my life today without them.

Andrea Arrington

Surviving Sibling of

Officer Scott Stewart

Detroit Police Department

EOW 8/11/2002

#SurvivorStories

Safe Haven

Sat, 05 Feb 2022 15:30:03 GMT

Katie MacDonald, Surviving Sibling of Own Fisher

When Owen died, I felt utterly alone and not sure where to turn next. It all happens so suddenly and the emotions run so high, you’re not even sure how to put one foot in front of the other. That’s exactly how it felt until I met my new ‘siblings’ through C.O.P.S. These brothers and sisters welcomed me with open arms. It was so unexpected to think anyone else would be able to feel what I was feeling, let alone offer themselves to be there for you anytime.

Concerns of Police Survivors provided a safe haven, a place where people understood what you’re going through and what you’re going to go through as the years pass. I’d never have gotten to a place of peace and love for myself if not for Bob Bauer finding the right counselor for me back at home after one of our retreats. They help you see there is no shame in getting help when you’re dealing with things that are too heavy to take on yourself. Because of the resources C.O.P.S. provides, I’ve been able to find a place of peace.

Katie MacDonald

Surviving Sibling of

Officer Owen Fisher

Flint Police Department (MI)

EOW 7/16/2005

Being A Leader

Wed, 26 Jan 2022 12:45:03 GMT

James Haynes, Surviving Son of James D. Haynes, II

James Haynes was just eight years old when his father, South Carolina Highway Patrol Lance Corporal James Darryl Haynes, died in the line of duty. Within those eight short years of being together, James developed the understanding of what it meant to be a leader, to be a person who your friend, family and community could depend on.

“I watched my father growing up and he was a natural leader,” James said. “I wanted to mirror that trait. I knew if I was a person people could rely on, I would be making my dad proud.”

This trait is something James continues to display within the C.O.P.S. organization and in his everyday life. Through C.O.P.S. Hands-On Programs, James has returned to both Kids Camp and Young Adults Camp as a mentor.

“C.O.P.S. has been a huge part of my life ever since the accident,” James said. “I have never been afraid to say my dad was a hero, and I have taken on that character trait of always being willing to lend a helping hand to others. A helping hand is exactly what C.O.P.S. has been to me and my family, which is exactly why I want to give back to other survivors going through similar experiences that I have.”

James graduated from Clemson University in 2021 and has since started Graduate School at Clemson along with joining the Football Program as a student recruiting assistant. As for his future with C.O.P.S., James plans to continue to mentor at both camps and wants to get more involved with his local chapter. He joked that he may even have the Adult Children’s retreat chant “James for Prez” in his future someday.

James Haynes

Surviving Son of

South Carolina Highway Patrol

Lance Corporal James D. Haynes, II

EOW 2/1/2008

#SurvivorStories

Helping Became A Part Of Me

Wed, 19 Jan 2022 12:45:02 GMT

Bev Fuller, Surviving Co-Worker of Public Safety Officer Johnny Garcia

“I took it very hard and felt as if it was my fault,” Bev explained. “I had gone over and above to get him into the academy.”

Bev Fuller

Surviving Co-Worker of

Officer Johnny Garcia

Arizona Department of Public Safety

EOW 10/14/1989

#SurvivorStories

Smiling Through it All

Wed, 29 Dec 2021 13:30:04 GMT

Jalil Dukes, Surviving Adult Child of Detective Thelonious Dukes

Every survivor has a unique way of grieving and coping with the loss of their officer. None have the exact same path, no matter if they are related or even a peer within the same survivorship. Some even fall deep within their grief and start to wonder if they will even find happiness again. The thought of, “will I ever smile again?” runs through their mind.

Other survivors, like Jalil Dukes, need the laughter, the jokes and the smiles to push forward. If the individuals he is around aren’t able to find humor within a situation, he will ensure that the focus turns into a joyful memory, thus creating the perfect moment to bring out his infectious smile, all while making sure growth and bonding is taking place.

On November 9, 2007, New Orleans (LA) Police Detective Thelonious Dukes, Jalil’s father, lost his life after succumbing to injuries obtained when he was attempting to protect those he held closest to him, his family.

Detective Dukes had been approached on October 13th by three suspects as he arrived home. The suspects forced him inside resulting in Thelonious being shot.

“I have such a tragic and horrific story,” Jalil said. “Honestly, it has been hard, but I have met so many great people since his passing that have helped me over the years.”

In 2008, Jalil’s mother, Lynette Dukes, learned about Concerns of Police Survivors. Together, they took a leap of faith and attended the Hands-On Programs.

“The year after my father passed, my mom found out about C.O.P.S. and the resources we had available to us,” Jalil said. “All of our close friends and family members were really worried about us at the time, and I can say without a doubt, C.O.P.S. helped me process and accept my father’s death.”

Every year since 2008, Jalil has attended a C.O.P.S. Hands-On program in some fashion. From the first six years of Kids Camp to the adventure of Outward Bound in 2015 to the three consecutive years of Young Adults Camp, Jalil has bonded with peers, grown in his grief and smiled, laughed and joked while assisting others.

“I am so indebted to these programs,” Jalil explained. “I am always laughing, joking and smiling through it all, but I definitely have my days where I need to reach out to someone and C.O.P.S. has provided me with the people in which I can do that. Sometimes it is just as simple as receiving a text back or a snapchat to get me back on track.”

Following Jalil’s final year of Young Adults Camp in 2018, he decided to continue to attend Hands-On Programs, but in a slightly different way. He wanted to give back to the organization that had given him so much, so he decided to become a mentor.

“If I can make a difference to someone else by being a mentor, that means the world to me,” Jalil said. “I am a jokey guy, I use humor while I mentor, being able to make someone else smile and laugh through it all not only helps them with their grief process, but it also helps me.”

Mentoring has become a passion of Jalil’s over the past two years as he has attended Kids Camp in 2020 and 2021 and Young Adults Camp in 2021. It allows him to continue to grow in his own grief while providing support, and of course, a smile to others.

Campers, don’t worry! During the interview for this article, he made sure to note that he will “for sure” be back bonding, cracking jokes and smiling with children who are in similar shoes that he used to wear; helping them grow within their grief. This is something we are ALL happy to hear!

Jalil Dukes

Surviving Adult Child of

Detective Thelonious Dukes

New Orleans Police Department

EOW 11/9/2007

#SurvivorStories

I Have Learned

Wed, 22 Dec 2021 13:55:55 GMT

Jennifer (Lee) Vitalie, Surviving Fiancé of Sergeant Scott Lunger

Each day without Scott still hurts, but I have learned to carry him with me instead of living without him (something C.O.P.S. has assisted with). Someone once told me I don’t have to move on from Scott, I need to move forward with him. So I continue to move forward with him, and I tell new survivors to live a minute at a time if they need to. Some days are better than others, but always carry your officer forward with you.

Jennifer (Lee) Vitalie

Surviving Fiancé of

Sergeant Scott Lunger

Hayward Police Department

EOW 7/22/2015

#SurvivorStories

Never Forgotten

Wed, 15 Dec 2021 14:43:55 GMT

Stan Jerlecki, Survivng Adult Child of Officer Stanley Jerlecki

Stan Jerlecki, surviving adult child of Detroit (MI) Police Officer Stanley Jerlecki (EOW 12/14/1951), took a trip to the National Law Enforcement Officers' Memorial Wall. Stan has been to visit many times in the past, but yesterday was bittersweet as it marked the 70th anniversary of his dad's death.

"It was a nice and peaceful day," Stan said, "It was just me and my dad having a great conversation."

As we share this survivor moment, let it remind all survivors to know their officer will never be forgotten.

Stan Jerlecki

Surviving Adult Child of

Officer Stanley Jerlecki

EOW 12/14/1951

#SurvivorStories

My Journey Led Me

Thu, 09 Dec 2021 13:59:24 GMT

Domenica Wyatt, Surviving Fiancé of Trooper Lawrence Gleason

My story starts with my late fiancé Trooper Lawrence Gleason, his tour was 1 year. We were together roughly a fourth of my life, 6 years and got engaged September 11, 2000. He died in a domestic dispute and there was no restitution. Losing the love of my life, and learning how to start all over, was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

I left New York and moved to Tucson, AZ, where I worked with the U.S. Marshalls; a job I always wanted to do. At this point in time, I needed to figure me out and take the time to grieve over the loss of Larry.

Since then I have relocated to Virginia and am now married to an officer; we have 4 children.

Life after losing a fiancé in the line of duty and now having a husband who works in law enforcement; it can be very difficult for me at times. Sometimes all I can think about are the “what ifs.”

My journey led me to C.O.P.S. and to COPS Walk Harpers Ferry; an event that has grown near and dear to my heart.

Domenica Wyatt

Surviving Fiancé of Trooper Lawrence Gleason

New York State Police

EOW 2/11/2002

#SurvivorStories

The Love That Never Met

Wed, 24 Nov 2021 12:45:02 GMT

Sadie Santucci, Surviving Daughter of Officer Kenneth Santucci

Love itself is a complex emotion. Sometimes it comes when you least expect it, while other happenings are planned; much like having children. The rarest occurrence comes along when someone you have never met loves you.

On September 6, 2008, Belleville (NJ) Police Officer Kenneth Andrew Santucci’s patrol vehicle was struck by another vehicle that ran through a stop sign. Ken was transported to a nearby hospital, where he would later succumb to his injuries. Ken left behind two sons, Kenny, age 7, and Anthony, age 1, and his 32-year-old wife, Tricia, who was 7 months pregnant with the daughter he thought they would never have.

“Ken was so shocked and excited when he found out we were having a girl,” Tricia said. “He swore that after having Kenny and Ant that we only created boys.”

Tricia swears that if he had known her, she would have had Ken wrapped around her finger. He would have been her protector, mentor, and male role model —all roles that Sadie’s two older brothers have attempted to fill for their late father.

“My brothers continue to set an example for me,'' Sadie, now age 13, said. “Having them there for me, sometimes even if it’s just to talk, is so supportive.”

As Sadie grew, Tricia continued to ask herself “what if” when thinking about Ken not being there. Not just for the milestones or accomplishments Sadie continued to have, but also the everyday hurdles she overcame.

“The hardest thing is him not being here through it all.”

One specific period along Sadie’s journey sticks out whenever they share stories. When Sadie turned six, she began to put together her “about” book that she would share with her peers at Kids Camp. The campers take turns sharing their book, showing their peers photos, and telling them the backstory. Her pain became even more real. Sadie had no pictures with her fallen hero, no photos of him holding her, and no memories of playing in the park with him. Nothing. What was she going to put in her book to share? Tricia was worried, to say the least.

“She has a unique situation, having never met her dad, so her book was going to be different.'' Tricia said, “We came up with the idea to hold a photoshoot where she was able to have photos with some of his favorite things.”

But even after the photoshoot and the laughs it brought, Sadie still worried that other campers could judge her for her one-of-a-kind “about” book. She knew her situation was different, but she didn’t want to be looked at that way.

“I was so scared to share at first, since I knew I didn’t have photos with him,'' Sadie said, “I knew my book didn’t have memories in it like everyone else’s did.”

Camp came, and so was the day for Sadie to share her “about” book with other campers. As the session began, her peers started showing their books and sharing their memories. While they were sharing their stories, Sadie continued to see the support that each one was receiving.

Finally, she did it. The book had no photos of her dad and no memories they shared, but she began to realize it was her book of shared love. Love that a daughter had while wearing her dad’s football helmet; love in having the same favorite superhero (Batman, of course); love of a little girl holding a picture of a man that she had never met. Yet, the photos and memories she shared were for her dad. A man who brought so much joy to her through the stories her mother and brothers would tell.

“I got very excited while I was sharing because of the support,” Sadie said. “It's hard not having my own memories, but as I told my story, I realized that just because I didn’t meet him doesn’t mean he didn’t know about me.”

Since that day, Sadie has attended every Kids Camp that has been held. She not only listens but also gives support to her peers. She realized that every story shared is unique, yet every situation is similar because each camper is sharing their story of losing a parent.

“The camp friendships are just different from everyday friendships,'' Sadie said. ‘I am able to open up to them and listen to them, all without worry about crying or laughing.”

Love itself is a complex emotion, yet it is so beautiful and sometimes rare that you will find yourself loving a person you have never met.

Sadie Santucci

Surviving Daughter of Officer Kenneth Santucci

Belleville Police Department

EOW 9/6/2008

#SurvivorStories

Love and Miss You Always

Wed, 17 Nov 2021 12:45:02 GMT

Mandi McMillan, Surviving Niece of Officer Rich May

Rich, I know you’re always watching over us. Love and miss you always.

Mandi McMillan

Surviving Niece of Officer Rich May

East Palo Alto Police Department

EOW 1/7/2006

#SurvivorStories

Last Chance

Wed, 10 Nov 2021 12:45:02 GMT

Lourrinda Renee, Surviving Sibling of Senior Corporal Earl J. Givens, III

My older brother by six years was Dallas PD 5484 E.J. “Jamie” Givens ‘III. He entered Dallas Police Academy in 1986 after which provided Dallas with 32 years of serve. His EOW is 07/21/2018.

I in turn entered Oklahoma City Police Academy in 1992. My brother was one of my biggest law enforcement supporters.

If it were not for my brother's telling me constantly what he was up against in the field and riding with my brother in Dallas, I too could have died in the line of duty. My brother taught me skills and tactics, fighting techniques and self-defense techniques; all kept me alive in Priority One District of Oklahoma City where I rode solo.

After Jamie's burial a female officer who decided to later leave Dallas PD, who rode for Jamie in Memorial, was one of his Rookies. Jamie was her last chance to pass after others had failed her in the DPD FTO Program--or she would be kicked out. She shared with me similar stories of how Jamie made her the officer she was today...more than 20 years later. Jen was a C.O.P.S. Champion who made sure Jamie's memory was cherished.

Thank you for listening,

Lourrinda Renee

Surviving Sibling of Senior Corporal Earl J. Givens, III

Dallas Police Department (TX)

EOW 7/21/2018

#SurvivorStories

I Strive to Honor Him

Wed, 03 Nov 2021 11:45:02 GMT

Christina Beliso, Surviving Spouse of Deportation Officer Brian Beliso

Christina Beliso

Surviving Spouse of Deportation Officer Brian Beliso

US Immigration & Customs Enforcement

EOW 6/8/2016

#SurvivorStories

A Necklace

Wed, 27 Oct 2021 11:45:02 GMT

Stan Jerlecki, Surviving Adult Child of Detroit Police Officer, Stanley J. Jerlecki

“I use it to remember and honor my dad; I do and I feel he’s with me everywhere,’ said Surviving Adult Child, Stan Jerlecki; ‘I got this big one made (necklace) in 1993 and have worn in every day since.”

Sometimes… An item isn’t as simple as it seems..

Stan Jerlecki

Surviving Adult Child of Detroit Police Officer, Stanley J. Jerlecki

EOW 12/14/1951

#SurvivorStories

No Matter What

Wed, 20 Oct 2021 11:45:02 GMT

Jessicamarie Sepulveda, Surviving Adult Child of Officer Ramon Sepulveda-Rosado

My dad, Ramon Sepulveda-Rosado died of injuries he received 2 days earlier when his department motorcycle was stuck by another vehicle.

My Dad was assigned to an escort duty with several officers. He entered into an intersection to stop the traffic, but was struck by a vehicle that failed to stop at the stop sign. His Brother and Sister in blue took him to a local hospital where he died on a special day for me, the day I was born, it was my Birthday.. He died on July 19th 2004, he was 47 years young. My Dad served with the Carolina Municipal Police Department for 13yrs, proudly wore his badge number 158. He is Survived by his 6 kids - Jennifer, My Self, Johanna, Ramon, Jormarie and Jose.

Thank you C.O.P.S. for changing my life, for meeting other survivors. C.O.P.S. is proof that Blue Families Stays Together No Matter What! ��

Jessicamarie Sepulveda

Surviving Adult Child of Officer Ramon Sepulveda-Rosado

Carolina Municipal Police Department (Puerto Rico)

EOW 7/19/2004

#SurvivorStories

With That Call, Our World Changed Forever

Wed, 13 Oct 2021 11:45:02 GMT

Lois and Sal Rao Surviving Parents of Senior Trooper Michael J. Rao

It was like any other Monday, June 10, 2002, except I was recovering from upper back surgery 9 days earlier. My husband, Sal, left for work and would be out of town for three days. Then the telephone rang, and with that call, our world changed forever!

Our daughter-in-law called to tell us that our son, South Carolina Highway Patrol Senior Trooper Michael J. Rao, had been struck by a pickup truck on Interstate 95 while he was rendering aid to a family which had broken down on the side of the road.

After being airlifted to trauma hospital in Columbia, Mike has surgery to relieve the pressure in his head. Surgery was successful, but Mike took a turn for the worse. On June 12, 2002, Mike was removed from life support and was called to Heaven. Even then, Mike was an organ donor and lives on in several South Carolinians. We buried our second born child and only son on Father’s Day, June 16, 2002.

For the painful days, weeks, and months that followed, Sal and I were just numb and having difficulty carrying on without our son. There were some days that I did not know how we would get through the day and to the next day. We had support from our daughter and family members, but unless you have lost a child, no one really knows the emptiness or hollow feeling one experiences.

The months passed by and we attended several memorial ceremonies and Carolina C. O. P. S. events. All of these made us miss our son even more but at those events we learned of so many others who also lost a son or daughter in law enforcement. When we attended our first National Police Week in 2003, we made contact with many survivors, many of whom we count as friends today, some nineteen years after our loss.

Thanks to getting involved with our South Carolina C. O. P. S. chapter and serving as Treasurer for seven years and its President for four years, and Sal served as Vice President for four years, we were introduced to many new and “seasoned” survivors. These encounters helped us to grow “strong enough” to reach out to survivors and gain inner strength to help us heal. C. O. P. S. helped us to cope with our loss, carry on with life, but keep Mike alive within us each and every day!

We have attended every NPW since 2003. It took us a few years to attend the National C. O. P. S. Parents’ Retreat held annually in Arkansas but now wouldn’t miss another retreat for anything! Our son, Mike, brought us together with many survivors across the United States and into a world of which we knew nothing about until

C. O. P. S. came into our lives!

Lois and Sal Rao

Surviving Parents of Senior Trooper Michael J. Rao

South Carolina Highway Patrol

EOW 6/12/2002

#SurvivorStories

I Now Know How To Honor Him

Thu, 07 Oct 2021 12:54:50 GMT

Patti Wolf, Surviving Sibling of Sergeant Michael Johnson

I lost my brother, Vermont State Sgt Michael Johnson, on 6/15/2003. The day was a beautiful sunny Father's Day, and I was at a lacrosse game watching my son play. I heard an overhead page looking for my sister-in-law, but since she wasn't at the game, I went to see what was up. I received the most heart wrenching news that day. Michael was killed by a person who was fleeing a traffic stop, he was attempting to put down spike strips when he was hit and killed.

He left behind a wife, three beautiful children, our parents, my sister, me and our three brothers; along with numerous family and friends. He had just been named the Varsity Basketball Coach at the local high school. Michael also was a DJ for local events. He was nicknamed Happy by the people in his town, they considered him the unofficial Mayor. He could be found along a road to tossing a football with local kids or at a sporting event watching family members coach and play. Michael was truly a family man, he adored his wife and children and looked forward to every new adventure with them.

Michael wanted to be a State Trooper early in life, and he loved his job. His funeral was attended by thousands of people from around the country and across the border. The stories we heard about him from his co-workers, his friends and even some people he had arrested made us realize even more what a loss we suffered that day.

At National Police Week in 2004, I attended a talk about the sibling retreat. Although I didn't believe anyone could really understand my pain, I went to my first sibling retreat in 2004. I'm sure I looked like a deer in the headlights getting off that bus; but at the retreat, I found a group of brothers and sisters who shared similar losses, although with different stories. I have a group of lifelong friends I can call on any time if I need them. After attending many retreats, I still get something out of being there, and I hope I can offer my experiences with others.

I know without C.O.P.S. and the sibling retreat I wouldn't be where I am now. I miss Michael every day, but thanks to all the people I've met through this tragedy I have learned how to honor him. I call the survivors I've met the best group of people I wish I'd never met. I look at them as the final gift from my brother.

Patti Wolf

Surviving Sibling of Sergeant Michael Johnson

Vermont State Police and Highway Patrols

EOW 6/15/2003

Peer Support is Key

Wed, 29 Sep 2021 12:57:22 GMT

A Quote From Surviving Co-Workers

”Peer support is key. While no two journeys are exactly the same, reaching out to another surviving Co-Worker provides you the support needed to continue through life. Peer support will remind you there is life after loss, no matter how much you think no one

understands. We know that grief has no timetable.”

-Annette Cotton, surviving Co-Worker of Clark County (OH) Deputy Sheriff Sherry Hopper Goodman

EOW 7/26/1996

-Lacey Tardugno, surviving Co-Worker of Memphis Police Officer Marlon Titus

EOW 3/30/2004

#SurvivorStories

How Peer Support Has Helped

Thu, 23 Sep 2021 11:45:03 GMT

Connie Moyer Surviving Spouse of Patrolman Marvin Moyer

We were together for forty years and enjoyed living as individuals and as a couple. Years ago, I was referred to as “Scott’s wife” but after being active in our community and taking on leadership responsibilities, later in our marriage he became “Connie’s husband” which he often said was a true honor.

He taught me to have fun and I taught him to love unconditionally. We brought balance to each other by his strengths filling my weaknesses and my strengths filling his weaknesses. It was truly a match made in heaven. Yes, we barked at one another, but early on in our marriage he was adamant to follow the philosophy to “not let the sun go down on your anger”. Each and every night we would be sure that the other knew they were loved and appreciated! Our very favorite place in the world was lying next to one another. Soaking in the sense of security and appreciation that we needn’t tackle the outside world alone.

On our daughter’s birthday, my soul-mate left my arms and entered into Jesus’s arms. With no children living in the home to fulfill my time, I dived into my work and ran hard. Actually, running from myself. I missed his smell, I missed his laugh, I missed my life and no matter how hard I tried I could not find satisfaction. At age 60, NEVER in my life had I ever felt so vulnerable and lost.

One year later while attending National Police Week I was encouraged to attend the Spouses Retreat. Being obedient to the nudging, I took the trip to Potosi. Never had I traveled alone so this was definitely out of my comfort zone. While on the airport shuttle some survivors noticed my luggage had the blue C.O.P.S. ribbon and instantly made me feel welcome.

At one point while sitting alone in the dining room this woman plopped down beside me and started engaging. She was so precious and I would see her from time to time during that weekend. She would always she would reach out with a warmth that was so genuine. As different as we were, a kindred spirit was definitely identified. As the days continued more and more gals would uplift me with their stories and presence. I suddenly noticed that the feeling of vulnerability and sense of lost was becoming dimmer.

When I returned home many of these gals continued nurturing our friendships. Even encouraging me to become active in my local Chapter which lead me to attend Chapter Training. There I found some of my “peeps” but quickly found added friendships. All the while noticing that these relationships were filling that darkness that I had been experiencing with a light. A light of hope and a sense of accomplishment as I began helping others.

To say I miss my husband is such an understatement, but what I have gained is PRICELESS. I now have sisters whom I dearly love all across this country.

This article is dedicated first to my precious Sister-In-Blue Linda, and then to each and every one of my sisters who helped me realize that Faith and Friendships are how we endure the hardships in life. I am so indebted to each of you.

Connie Moyer

Surviving Spouse of Patrolman Marvin Moyer

Lancaster Police Department

EOW 5/26/2017

#SurvivorStories

In The Blink of an Eye

Wed, 15 Sep 2021 11:45:03 GMT

Deodge Hill Surviving Spouse of Officer Patrick Hill

In 2013 my life was drastically changed. Looking back on all that our family endured I am amazed at how we managed to make it through.

It started April 2, 2013, the day the phone call came through my phone that Patrick had been hurt. I had no idea that meant that he had suffered multiple gunshot wounds to the head and that he would survive 2 surgeries and live 6 months in a vegetative state until he would succumb to his injuries on Saturday, October 19, 2013.

Patrick was an amazing guy. He attended Cass Technical High School, which is one of the elite schools in Detroit. He graduated from the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor where he played football and baseball. Patrick graduated top of his Police academy class and was always scouted for special units. He was a sniper, worked for homeland security, and was on an ATF task force when he was injured.

His injury and death were devastating to me and our four children. Life had to adjust for us at the blink of an eye….

What we knew to be our family changed suddenly. I went to being a single mother and a widow who was trying to figure things out and make life make sense in an instant.

I am thankful for the C.O.P.S. association. This organization has been a huge part to my family’s healing process. From the memorial in DC to the hands-on programs, they have allowed us to connect and build relationships with people who suffer from our “it”.

My children have attended C.O.P.S. kids camp, young adults and outward bound. I have attended spouses and I know of some of his family that have went to co-workers and extended family retreats. The amount of therapy that this organization offers is immeasurable. I am forever grateful for their impact on me and my children and our healing process. We have gained friends, learned coping skills, challenged ourselves to try new things, and adapted to being a healing hand for new survivors that, unfortunately, come every year.

Deodge Hill

Surviving Spouse of Officer Patrick Hill

Detroit Police Department

EOW 10/19/2013

#SurvivorStories

Honoring Her Is The Most Important

Wed, 08 Sep 2021 11:45:02 GMT

Marielena Leni Atkinson Surviving Sibling of Corrections Officer Mari Johnson

The call came on July 16th 2016. The call you never think you are going to hear. Marianne Johnson, my sister, was murdered by an inmate at the French Robertson Unit in Texas while she was working as a corrections officer.

I was the baby; Marianne was in the middle and my sister Margaret is the oldest. Margaret and I tried to make sense how Marianne, who we were told was so well loved by everyone, was gone

Going back three years earlier, my sister Marianne and I had an awful argument that would set in stone a separation that could not be repaired. Three months before she was killed her son passed away. I reached out to give my condolences, not being able to imagine how a mother was able to bury her child. But it was a brief conversation, one that held hardly any warmth. That would be the last time I would ever talk to her.

Because in July, that call came. There is no going back to fix any of it. No going back to be being sisters. It was all gone.

Going to her funeral, seeing our mother’s distress, she was now burying HER child. Our mother died 8 months later.

I’ve struggled with forgiveness and letting go of the separation between us. It was a long road, but I believe I’ve gotten to where honoring her memory is the most important thing. We are the ones left behind to make sure her children and grandchildren never forget her. Thank you for letting me get my story off my chest.

Leni Atkinson

Surviving Sibling of Corrections Officer Mari Johnson

Texas Department of Criminal Justice

EOW 7/16/2016

#SurvivorsStories

So Many People Supports Us

Tue, 31 Aug 2021 11:45:02 GMT

Alycia Cottrell Surviving Daughter of Officer Thomas Cottrell

On January 18th at 6:00 a.m., my sisters and I were woken up by my mom and grandparents. They sat us down and you could see that something was wrong. I could tell that they didn’t want to tell us the news that they had. When they told us they were barely able get the words out, but what they said left my sisters and I in shock.

Throughout that day we saw it on the news and it eventually hit me that my dad was gone.

So many people supported us after my dad’s death. C.O.P.S. showed immense support for me and my sisters. C.O.P.S. showed us that we were not alone and that so many other kids went through the same thing. Knowing that an organization and so many people have our backs, brought me and my sisters so much comfort and brought us at ease.

Yes, it still hurts a lot, but we know that we always have people that we can talk to. That is beyond amazing! I hope that kids that are in the position that my sisters and I were in feel as though they are not alone and know that they have so much support and have a second family.

So, thank you blue family and C.O.P.S.! It all means so much!

Alycia Cottrell

Surviving Daughter of Officer Thomas Cottrell

Danville Police Department

EOW 1/17/2016

#SurvivorsStories

Oh, The Things

Wed, 25 Aug 2021 13:00:15 GMT

Joyce Kramer Surviving Mother of Officer Patrick Kramer

I became a survivor on October 22, 2006, when my son, West Yellowstone Police Officer, Patrick Kramer was killed in an automobile crash while responding to an accident. My husband, Denny and I had our entire life crushed in an instant. It’s been almost 15 years since we hugged our only son, since our daughters hung out with their brother, and our sweet granddaughter Alexis gave her daddy goodnight kisses. Alexis almost 3 years old at the time, she is now 17. Oh, the things Patrick has missed in all our lives, but oh the things Patrick did in his 29 years.

Since he was a kid, Patrick had this special spirit, wherever he went he looked out for others. He was kind, gentle and not one to raise his voice. He served two years in the Army and knew he would return to a career in law enforcement. He had a respect and desire for the law and was able to hold people accountable through a caring and empathetic way. He was my little boy who became a man of honor, integrity, and purpose. He like all officers today, was a hero.

Concerns of Police Survivors (C.O.P.S.) has been a part in our family life for almost 15 years. We attended Police Week in DC the first year without attending retreats for several years. Montana chartered the state chapter after several LODD in this state. Knowing C.O.P.S. can help survivors through the most difficult times, I became more involved with the local chapter and retreats. There was a part of me that thought I was doing OK. I have learned so much about grief, the journey, and now I knew I wasn’t alone.

If there are strengths C.O.P.S. has given our family, I would share that I wouldn’t change his life and he will always be remembered. Patrick loved being an officer and serving others with respect. He laid down his life for others. Patrick died with honor and doing what he loved. Patrick was an incredible son to have in my life. C.O.P.S. helped me take those steps to honor him and respect the life he had.

West Yellowstone, MT is miles from our home near Billings. We take every chance to remember him and the thin blue line. Every year and often other visits to the crash site, our special tribute is to wrap “Blue Ribbons” around the tree. Family near and far, friends, law enforcement, ministers and community join in with remembering Officer P. Kramer. This is our way to heal our hearts.

In closing, I want our survivor families – both blood and blue - to let C.O.P.S. be a part of your life. It is one step at a time. Part of my healing is being involved with other survivors. My passion with C.O.P.S. at both the National and state level helps me continue to take steps.

Joyce Kramer

Surviving Mother of Officer Patrick Kramer

West Yellowstone Police Department

10/22/2006

#SurvivorStories

The Dynamic Duo of Support

Mon, 23 Aug 2021 17:00:02 GMT

Law enforcement supporters choose to give back in a variety of ways. Some volunteer time, some donate monetarily, while others simply say “thank you.” All of these ways make such a difference to officers serving our communities. But then you also have a unique group of supporters that donate in every area they possibly can. Supports like Balcones Heights Chaplain, Ron Leonard, and his partner, Service Dog Molly.

For the past seven years, the pair of Ron and Molly have been providing assistance and general support for law enforcement officers and their families. Their efforts began in the Nashville, TN area as they served the community and as Chaplain and Service Dog for local departments. The passion to support and provide resources to law enforcement officers followed them as they moved halfway across the country to the greater San Antonio, TX area in September 2020.

“Throughout our time, Molly and I have been a resource at around 5,000 agency visits and over 100 critical incident calls,” Ron said.

But providing this type of support for officers wasn’t enough for the dynamic duo; they knew there was more that they could be doing to give back. After settling into their new community, the two did just that. In May 2021, Ron and Molly again made connections with a local department, Balcones Heights, as volunteer Chaplain and Service Dog, but also to distribute ‘goody bags’ to the officers and some of their children.

“Being able to show the officers that we simply care for them and we care for their families is what it’s all about;’ Ron said ‘the officers really do enjoy them (goody bags) and always ask about them when they see us out in public.”

Just think, initially the ‘goody bags’ deliveries provided by Ron and Molly were started as a limited volume idea. Something Ron believed they would do once, maybe twice, and it would be an afterthought, continues to grow and gain awareness not only for the support it is showing for the messages that Ron and Molly bring while they are distributing them.

“It just feels wonderful to go out and show support all while raising awareness for organizations like yours (C.O.P.S.),” Ron said.

Resource awareness, support and goody bags of course are three things that Ron and Molly will forever be known for in the great state of Texas.

Proud Granddaughter - #SurvivorStories

Wed, 18 Aug 2021 11:45:03 GMT

Jessica Yates, Surviving Granddaughter of Chief Elmer J. Baumgardner

I am the surviving granddaughter of Elmer J Baumgardner EOW 9/14/1948. My mom and my aunt are the last children of EJ.

Our journey has been a great one and it keeps getting better. As I grew older, I started to Help my mom have some closure; she was only 3-years-old at the time of her father’s death. We work hard to keep his memory alive. The love we have is so strong in our hearts.

I’ve heard from many people that knew my grandfather that have told me him and grandma would be proud of me for what I’ve done to let generations of grandkids know that he is a hero. I keep his memory alive as well has there fallen brothers and sisters, it’s a part of my family’s history. I’m very proud of him.

Jessica Yates

Surviving Granddaughter of Chief Elmer J. Baumgardner

Evarts Police Department

EOW 9/14/1948

#SurvivorStories

Not A Day Goes By - #SurvivorsStories

Wed, 11 Aug 2021 11:45:02 GMT

B.H. Surviving Co-Worker of Border Patrol Agent Alexander Giannini

Stay safe,

B.H.

Surviving Co-Worker of Border Patrol Agent Alexander Giannini

U.S. Customs & Border Protection

EOW 5/28/2014

The Community Mourned With Us -#SurvivorStories

Wed, 04 Aug 2021 11:45:02 GMT

Danet Arango-Henry, Surviving Sibling of Officer Alexander Arango

I would like to take a minute to tell our family story of how uplifting my brother's, fallen officer Alex Arango, chief and the rest of his fellow officers have been since my brother passing.

My brother passed Oct 22, 2020 due to covid. From day one Chief Spence and the rest of Everman PD officers made us feel right at home. Ensuring we were getting taken care of. Alex was not the only family member at the hospital, our sweet mother, Carmen Arango was there as well. She and Alex were on the same floor observed by same doctor. Chief Spence always had an assigned officer to our family if we needed anything they would get it for us.

He was a wonderful son, brother, husband, father and grandfather. He truly was a wonderful officer who the City of Everman loved.

Chief Spence and the rest of the Everman force continues to be there for our family. They will always be part of our Arango family.

I want to say thank you to Chief Spence for being there at a time we felt so lost and alone.

Danet Arango-Henry

Surviving Sibling of Officer Alexander Arango

Everman Police Department

EOW 10/20/2020

It's Hard In The Beginning - #SurvivorStories

Wed, 28 Jul 2021 11:45:05 GMT

Steve Varner Surviving Adult Child of Deputy Robert Varner Jr.

"The one thing that comes to me is that you can see that you can survive this and con go on to have happy

experiences. It's hard to envision that in the beginning."

Steve Varner

Surviving Adult Child of Deputy Robert Varner Jr.

Navajo County Sheriff's Department

EOW 1/2/1989

#SurvivorStories

So Many Stories - #SurvivorStories

Wed, 21 Jul 2021 13:03:24 GMT

Denise Scarbrough Surviving Spouse of Sergeant Michael Scarbrough

There are so many stories I could share from the moment I found out about Concerns of Police Survivors,15 years ago at my husband’s funeral, until today. It’s difficult choosing just one so I chose to go back to the beginning.

My husband was Sgt. Michael Scarbrough. We had been married for 16 years when he died in a car accident on February 9, 2005. Our daughter was 13 and our twin boys were 10. I was overwhelmed with my grief but especially with my children’s pain. I worried for them and felt helpless with how I could even begin to assist them in their grief.

I was introduced to C.O.P.S. at my husband’s funeral where I was able to meet other survivors who had experienced the pain of losing their officer. Meeting them began to create a sense of comfort for me. These people were those who I thought might be able to understand my trauma and pain. I met Moms and dads, siblings, spouses, co-workers and other people who came up to me to extend their condolences and told me about C.O.P.S., as well as, my state’s local chapter and how they could support my family.

It was at the funeral, during a quiet time, that I met a spouse who told me about C.O.P.S. Kids Camp that my children and I would be able to attend that summer. She spoke about how this camp would help us in our grief. I immediately felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders and clung to this fact that I might be able to help my children. Little did I realize that when we attended, 6 months later, that along with my children, I was able to get the help I needed too.

My children and I attended C.O.P.S. Kids Camp for 5 years. Every year as the date approached to attend, one of my sons referred to it as “home.” I understood his words because I felt this too. From the counseling and support helping us on our journey, to the fun activities we were able to participate in together, and to the connections we made with those who understood, it did feel like we had another place to call home.

Denise Scarbrough

Surviving Spouse of Sergeant Michael Scarbrough

Wayne County Airport Police

EOW 2/9/2005

#SurvivorStories

He Was My Bestfriend - #SurvivorStories

Wed, 14 Jul 2021 12:53:49 GMT

Ashley Strange Surviving Co-Worker of Deputy First Class Brandon Coates

I became a surviving Co-Worker after my best friend, Deputy Brandon Lee Coates was murdered in the line of duty. He was my big brother and his wife, Virginia, is also a deputy and dear friend. As I walked my journey of grief, I learned about C.O.P.S. and realized I was not alone.

As Virginia and I grew in our journeys, we also became leaders of our chapter which has brought us closer together and helped other survivors along the way. I went on a trip with Brandon and Virginia to Destin, one year before he died. I was going through a divorce and being the amazing friends that Brandon and Virginia are, they invited me on their trip and let me stay with them. I vowed I would return their kindness, but I never imagined it would be as a friend to Virginia as she mourned the loss of her beloved husband, Brandon.

I am forever grateful for the experiences I have had with C.O.P.S. and the friendships that will last a lifetime.

Ashley Strange

Surviving Co-Worker of Deputy First Class Brandon Coates

Orange County Sheriff’s Office

EOW 12/8/2010

Everyone Grieves Differently - #SurvivorStories

Wed, 07 Jul 2021 13:10:59 GMT

Garrett Garton Surviving Child of Officer Andrew Garton

My Officer (my Father) Andrew Garton, was a Police Officer for the Hawthorne Police Department.

I love him too much to not share with others everything I hold deep and dear in my heart for him and because of him.

Like me, he had a lot of love in his heart and that’s why he always volunteered for honor guard events to help honor fellow officers who laid down their lives for this great nation. He loved doing it so much that it hurt him going to all of these officers’ funerals because he felt the pain for those fallen officers’ families. My dad was killed in a motorcycle accident while providing a funeral escort.

I’m not angry nor bitter anymore. I’ve learned to accept what has happened. I’ve learned to embrace and love the choices my father made. I’ve thought about it more than a million times and it’s one of those things where if he hadn’t been killed then what if it had been the next week, or the week after that or the week after that?

I’ve learned that there are things only God deserves to know, and that I have to be at peace with that.

It’s been almost 10 years since my father was killed. That’s a pretty long time; a decade even. Yet while I write these heartfelt words to you, I have endless tears streaming down my face. Time hasn’t healed me. Everyone grieves differently, everyone learns how to move on differently; and by move on, I mean try to get their life as close to normal as they can after losing their loved one.

The C.O.P.S. organization is the best thing to happen to me since my dad was killed. Concerns of Police Survivors has brought me together with some of the nicest, fun, most loving and wholesome beautiful people I know.

It’s inspirational. I see everyone else doing it so that means that I can too. That’s one of the biggest things C.O.P.S. Kids Camp has helped me with. Showing me that despite everything I’m faced with, I can still go on and prosper.

My last note is, I really look forward to spending the rest of my life in the C.O.P.S. programs. Going to see everyone and see what they’ve been up to and how they’re doing, and hopefully volunteer for the younger camps to help give back to what the programs gave me.

Much Love,

Garrett Garton

Surviving Child of Officer Andrew Garton

Hawthorne Police Department

EOW 5/26/2011

I Found My Safe Space- #SurvivorStories

Tue, 29 Jun 2021 12:44:46 GMT

Donnie Archuleta, Surviving Father of Patrolman James Archuleta

June 4, 2006 started out as a great, sunny Sunday in Denver, Colorado. I had been selected to be a baseball umpire for the state high school

all-star game, which was played at Coors Field, home of the Colorado Rockies. I was excited about this opportunity.

Meanwhile, in the small town of El Rito, New Mexico, my son James and his family were celebrating his 8-year-old daughter’s first Holy Communion with a Mass and barbecue. James went to work afterwards, a swing shift that was to end at 10:00 p.m. He had completed his last call around 10:15, but was asked to respond to a shooting victim at the hospital in Espanola, about 15 miles away.

The two-lane highway between the two towns is dark and winding, and as James made a long, sweeping right turn, his patrol car struck a dead cow in the roadway, causing the car to roll and flip for over 900 feet. James was thrown from the vehicle into the other lane. An oncoming vehicle traveling the opposite way struck James, thus ending his short life.

Several members of our family attended National Police Week in May 2007, and I attended my first Parents Retreat that October. At the time of James’ death, I was single and did not have a significant other, so I really didn’t have anyone I could talk to about my feelings. I am the oldest child in my family, and my own parents were devastated at losing their first-born grandchild. I felt I had to be strong for everyone else’s sake.

At that Parents Retreat in October 2007, with the help of many other surviving parents, particularly other dads, I finally found a safe place to express my grief and begin to process all of my emotions. I have attended several more Parents Retreats, and also became a member of the Colorado C.O.P.S. Chapter, serving on the Board for seven years.

I am now married to a beautiful southern belle, and have been living in South Carolina and Tennessee. We will soon be settling in Tennessee, and I look forward to getting back to being an active member of C.O.P.S., helping other survivors just as I was helped in my darkest times.

Donnie Archuleta

Surviving Father of Patrolman James Archuleta

New Mexico Department of Public Safety

EOW 6/4/2006

Giving Back Through C.O.P.S. - #SurvivorStories

blake_haynes@nationalcops.org — Wed, 23 Jun 2021 13:21:27 GMT

Brenda Parker, Surviving Spouse of Deputy Marshal Ronald Parker

On January 12, 1975, 27 years old, Deputy Beach Marshal Ron Parker was dispatched to an accident near St. Augustine Beach, FL Pier. He located the driver and asked for his identification. Officer Parker requested the driver follow him to the police vehicle. He was directed to the passenger side, but fumbled with the car door. The suspect opened the door and fired a .45 caliber automatic at Officer Parker striking him twice in the neck. The murderer, Thomas DeSherlia, did leave the scene on foot, but returned threatening bystanders away. He pushed Officer Parker’s body from the patrol car and took off in the vehicle. Ron’s body was dragged many feet before releasing. A shoot out ensued with pursuing Officer Wayne Tanner. DeSherlia was shot and apprehended. The murderer was a federal fugitive in flight of a bank robbery in Iowa and kidnapping and double murder gang land style of a husband and wife security team in Alabama. In 1975 there was a moratorium on the death penalty. DeSherlia plead guilty and was sentenced to 25 years to life.

This was the end of life as I had known it. February 22 we would have celebrated our 10 ^th Anniversary. We had been High School sweethearts since we were 14. That terrible knock at the door came that night. I was not allowed to go to the scene or hospital to say goodbye or to touch his sweet face. The first time I saw him was after the autopsy. The first experience with funerals, was my Ronnie’s.

I fought the only way I knew, I worked and busied myself through the days and weeks and years that followed. I guess you would say I stuffed all those feelings I should have felt and kept going. It was eight years before I was able to deal with emotion of Ronnie’s loss; it was 25 years before I was able to express the anger. For those that say you will get over the loss, I can honestly say you have no idea what you are talking about. There is no getting to the other side of grief, for it may change, but it remains.

In 1998, DeSherlia had served 23 years and began the process of his first parole hearing to set a tentative parole release date. The release date has to be set initially and a request to the intervals of parole hearings. The fact that there was a firearm involved gave us the opportunity to request that the hearings be every five years rather than 18 month intervals. A course of action was set to contact all the people that we had known years ago. Old friends and acquaintances, people of law enforcement, organizations that could sway the parole board’s thoughts. Requests by letter and phone calls for letters to be written and sent to the board. Endless Hours, days, and months begging for help in my quest. Hundreds of petitions with thousands of people’s signatures sending the board their outcry to protect our streets by keeping DeSherlia in jail for his life. We were successful to keep the murderer incarcerated with a tentative release date of 2476. In 2003 we were able to add an additional 6 months to change the release date to 2477. The year 2008 there was no change of release date. We continued to go through this process every five years, reliving over, over, and over again the tragedy of Ron’s death. We open our hearts and emotions, retelling Ron’s tragedy, defending our Ron and condemning his murderer and we hope protecting our society from his release. In 2013 I was able to put this banner down when Ron’s murderer died in prison. It is because of this continuous process that I now work toward extending the time between parole hearings to 10-year intervals by petitioning the Florida House and Senate to write a bill to that effect.

It was 1998, while searching organizations that might help me during the parole process, when l first became aware of an organization called Concerns of Police Survivors. It is an organization that support survivors of police officers killed in the line of duty. The assistance they gave me during the parole process is only one way they help survivors get through after the loss of their officer. The organization was not established until 1984, so they were not in existence when Ron was killed. How much easier it might have been for Ron’s family and me if we could have had C.O.P.S. in our life at the time of Ron’s loss. For most survivors they are there to help at the time of loss. They provide aid immediately with peer support, grief counseling, seminars, retreats, scholarships, and an offer for that ongoing support for as long as we need them. They also help coworkers with private retreats, agencies with training and wellness programs.

I was so taken with the help that I received, that when my hearing was complete, I decided to work within the organization. I have been serving with the board of Ga. C.O.P.S. ever since. The most rewarding and healing experience that I have received in my involvement is that I can give a helping hand to others. I can serve in so many ways, to assist as the surviving family takes those baby steps and strides to make a new life for themselves. Ron is known by name and has a place at the table within our Chapter of C.O.P.S. He continues to live, as his story gives hope to others within his community. In January we were able to celebrate the Ron Parker 46 ^th Annual Memorial Service with his department, adjacent agencies, and the community. There is a scholarship set up to help others make a better life for the student and their families.

This organization of C.O.P.S. gives you the opportunity to give back in a way only one survivor can give to another. You become a peer, a safety net for other survivors. Even if you are not comfortable with sharing feeling, you have the privilege to assist in many capacities. You feel needed and the focus of your life is no longer self-serving, but for others. C.O.P.S. has done that for me.

Brenda Parker

Surviving Spouse of Deputy Marshal Ronald Parker

St. Augustine Beach Police Department

EOW 1/12/1975

Memories Never Fade - #SurvivorStories

Thu, 17 Jun 2021 13:14:01 GMT

Bridgett Molina, Surviving Sibling of Daytona Beach Police Officer Thomas Coulter

'On May 21, 2018, my baby brother, Officer Thomas Coulter took his last breath. He was my best friend and my hero. He died at 25 years of age and his memories will always remain in my heart. Through COPS, they have truly kept his memory alive.'

Bridgette Molina

Surviving Sibling of Daytona Beach Police Officer Thomas Coulter

EOW: 5/21/2018

#SurvivorStories

Sometimes That's All You Need - #SurvivorsStories

Wed, 16 Jun 2021 13:08:45 GMT

Holmes 'Smitty' Smith III, Surviving Adult Child of Investigator Holmes Smith Jr.

“Yeah, it might not be ok right now, but I did this to get through what you are going through.”

‘Sometimes that’s all you need.’

Holmes ‘Smitty’ Smith III

Surviving Adult Child of

Investigator Holmes Smith Jr.

Clarendon County Sheriff’s Office

EOW 11/5/2014

Holiday Grief and Grace - An Excerpt from Shattered Together by Cathleen Elle

Thu, 17 Dec 2020 17:48:03 GMT

Creating New Traditions

I stood in front of rows of Christmas cards trying to find the perfect one for Ashley. The holiday music was playing over the loudspeaker and people milled about the small country store that was filled with books, tea cups, hats, scarves, mittens, wrapping paper, chocolate, and odds and ends. I really didn’t want to be in this cozy holiday store. I didn’t feel festive or like celebrating at all. I really wanted to find a card for Ashley, but I couldn’t find the right one. I was getting frustrated, my eyes wandered, and I caught the label, “Son.”

I froze. My chest got tight. My eyes welled up, and a sob choked my throat. I hurried out of the store so fast that I didn’t give the young woman behind the counter a chance to finish saying, “Have a nice….”

I quickly walked to my SUV, threw open the door, slammed it behind me, and sobbed uncontrollably at my steering wheel.

A few days later, I returned to the store determined to buy a card for my daughter. Even though I didn’t want to acknowledge Christmas or celebrate anything, I couldn’t forget about my other child. Although Ashley was an adult and living far from me, we talked every day. I knew she was still hurting too, and she deserved to know that I loved her, cherished her, and was thinking of her during the holidays, too.

So, I took a deep breath as I entered the store and swiftly walked to the cards. I told myself, Cathleen, you can do this. You’re doing this for Ashley. I felt determined as I picked up each card searching. I glanced at the “Son” section, and, this time, there were no tears although the tightness in my chest was still there. Then something loosened in me as an idea crossed my mind.

Why couldn’t I buy a card for Logan too?

Right there, I decided to find a card for him, too.

Later that night, I made a cup of green tea and I put on soothing, instrumental music. I started the fire in the fireplace, and then I curled up on the couch and wrote cards to both my children.

I wrote how proud of them I was and how much I loved them. To Logan, I also wrote how much I missed his laugh, his bear hugs, and his egg McMuffin sandwiches (he loved cooking for his friends and family and he was really good at it). I wrote how I was sad that he wasn’t here to celebrate this Christmas with us, but that I knew he was watching over us and he was always guiding me. I wrote about my hopes and dreams for the coming year, and also what I was most grateful for in the past year.

I cried a lot while I wrote Logan’s card, but, when I finished, I felt something release inside my chest. It was like I was letting go of a little pain just by acknowledging that it was the holidays and I missed my boy.

I sealed Logan’s envelope, and then I did something I hadn’t done that first year: I hung his stocking next to Ashley’s by the fireplace and placed his card in the stocking. When Christmas was over and it was time to take down the stocking, I left the sealed card in the stocking. I have added a card every year since and now have a special wooden box that holds all the letters and cards I’ve written to Logan.

Understanding Holidays

Navigating the holidays sucks.

At first, you may want nothing to do with any holiday. For me, I’ve started to plan a special trip to someplace magical and beautiful and, since faith is important to me, I have a small prayer ceremony. Having a tradition around Christmas and Logan’s birthday has helped to ease the pain that those days often bring, and it’s given me a way to bring some joy back into those holiday moments.

Will the holidays be tough for you? Absolutely. Creating new traditions around important events has immensely helped me. It’s been a way to keep Logan’s spirit alive, to honor the life he had lived, and to know he continues to be a part of me and this experience. It has brought me more comfort than I realized it could when I first created this new tradition.

These special moments are also another way for us to honor and remind ourselves that our loved one’s lives and their time on earth mattered.

New traditions also create space inside for us to experience the full range of emotions around the event. It means we don’t block, ignore, or pretend we don’t feel anything--it means we feel it all. You’re allowed to cry, laugh, and to feel whatever bubbles up inside of you. For me, my emotions are often mixed. I do feel joy, especially because I spend just about all the holidays and major events with Ashley now, and I am so grateful for our connection and the opportunity to make more loving memories together. And I still get sad that Logan isn’t here to share those times with us. It’s something Ashley and I talk about and acknowledge on those special occasions. Logan is a topic that is guaranteed to be discussed.

I try to allow whatever emotion I feel around the holidays to be felt because that’s how I continue my healing journey. You deserve to feel joy and to experience communion and connection with your friends and loved ones during special moments, while the pain can still exist. This isn’t an either/or situation.

The pain will be there, and that’s okay. Give yourself permission to feel that pain and allow yourself to create new traditions that fit you and your life today. Creating new traditions can help you move through whatever feeling you’re having in the moment.

There are no right or wrong answers to what that tradition looks like. Trust your instincts and do what feels good to you and your family. Get creative.

I say this a lot, but please be easy on yourself, especially if you feel like acknowledging any occasions. It’s okay if you need a break or it feels like too much of an emotional strain for you. Especially, for those first few years, you may want to skip the holidays. The only caution I offer is, if you find yourself skipping and ignoring holidays for many years, then you may, at the very least, want to try tiptoeing into celebrating a little, and if it’s just too painful, then that could be a sign it’s time to seek more professional help. We will grieve and feel a sense of loss, and sometimes that can turn into a depression, so we want to be aware of the line between, so we can take care of ourselves.

Our loved one doesn’t want us to mourn forever. They don’t want us to be filled with so much pain that we cannot see or experience love, or joy, or connection ever again. They don’t want us walking around like zombies—detached from our families and friends. They want us to heal. They want us to feel gratitude, peace, love, and happiness, which is something the holidays are meant to bring to each of us.

You can get your copy of Shattered Together at https://cathleenelle.com/shattered-together/ .

Shattered Together is the remarkable story of how I chose to become whole by learning to heal through the pain of my son’s death. From finding meaning in life to finding forgiveness, I share with you the hard-won lessons I’ve learned on my more than ten-year odyssey, and I reveal the practices and tools I’ve used to release my pain and experience love and joy once more.

Part memoir, part how-to, part inspiration, Shattered Together is a deeply moving and unflinching look at grief and faith, what it takes to heal, and how to recreate life after the sudden and unexpected loss of a loved one.

It is my sincere hope that you find this book of value to you on your healing journey.

You can also follow her on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/grieftobelief

Surviving the Worst

Thu, 10 Dec 2020 00:00:00 GMT

Judy Glasser is the surviving mother of David Van Glasser EOW 5/19/2016

If you have had a child die, you know that it is one of the worst things that can happen to you. For some of us it is definitely THE worst thing that could ever happen to us.

After years of working at facing my fears, I realized quite awhile ago that the only fear I had left was that something bad would happen to one of my children. A couple of years after that realization, my daughter was diagnosed with cancer. It changed her life but it was caught early and there have been no more signs of cancer.

I thought that was enough. That was my fear coming true and it was a tough, scary time.

I didn’t know a tsunami that far exceeded anything I was afraid of was building up steam and heading my way. It hit on May 18, 2016 when my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty as he was responding to a robbery call. The waves of grief and anger and pain roared over my life – foaming, surging and destroying. They violently ripped away any expectations I had for today and totally decimated my dreams for tomorrow.

The waves roared all night and grew stronger in the darkness.

But they were most painful in the daylight when I could see the desolation they had left.

The holes. The emptiness. The loss. My two fatherless grandchildren.

This storm left my ‘stuff’ but took my son. And I would give everything I own for one more hour with Davey.

What I would do to see his smile. Hear his laughter. And his jokes. And one more ‘love you’.

Surviving the worst has taken away all of my fears. Because fearing that something bad would happen did not change the facts about the bad things that happened to my children.

My prayer for all of us who have experienced the worst is that we will find courage in knowing we have survived. I pray that we will act on that courage because we survived for a purpose. And I pray that we will set aside our useless fears so we can make the time we have left on this planet count. Because our time is short – often much shorter than we know.

Davey would be extremely proud of the David Glasser Foundation which was created to continue his fight against violence and crime. He would love the reality of all of us working together to push back the darkness – one step at a time. We are not stuck on yesterday, afraid that something else that’s bad is going to happen today or tomorrow. It probably will – our fears will not stop it. But our actions might.

With courage and conviction, we are moving forward, continuing Davey’s battle and making it our own.

The challenge I give everyone today is to figure out how to be a part of the fight for what’s right.

May God give all of us the courage we need to do our part in helping to make that happen.

Miss you, Davey.

Judy Glasser

Surviving Mother of

Officer David Glasser

Phoenix Police Department

EOW 5/19/2016

#SurvivorStories

Stories of Strength - Wesley England

Thu, 10 Dec 2020 00:00:00 GMT

C.O.P.S. is excited to announce that Wesley England, surviving nephew of Hardee County (FL) Deputy Sheriff Julie Bridges, EOW 9/10/2017, is 10 years HEART HEALTHY!

Wesley came into this world with an early start. He was 5 ½ weeks early. The doctors immediately found that his heart had a small hole in it. They wanted to wait until he was older for the surgery. At the young age of two years old, Wesley underwent surgery and had quite an extensive recovery from it. His aunt, Julie Bridges, was also able to visit him after his surgery. He was a warrior at such a young age!

Wesley is now twelve years old and completely heart healthy! Without the surgery that he had at two years old, there was a big possibility that he would have a heart attack by the time he was 35 years old.

C.O.P.S. is so proud of your strength Wesley and as a part of this blue family you will never fight alone and your aunt Julie will never be forgotten.

Finding My Happiness Again

Wed, 02 Dec 2020 20:18:24 GMT

By April Katherman-Redgrave, Wife of San Jose Police Officer Michael J. Katherman EOW 6/14/16

Tuesday, June 14, 2016 began as a typical summer day. My two sons were out of school for summer and just finished 4th and 2nd grades. I was teaching elementary school at the time and was off for the summer with them. I had finished my master’s degree program the day before, so it was an exciting day and I felt like summer had truly begun. Mike was working a late day shift and did not have to leave the house until about nine that morning. We were in the middle of remodeling the hall bathroom. The tile guy was there with his crew, working away.

As he left the house, Mike went into the bathroom and made sure the tile guys were set for the day and I specifically remember one of them asking what color grout he wanted. He told them, “Whatever my wife wants!” Mike thanked the guys for their hard work, hugged the boys, and as he always did, he told them, “Be good to your mom.” He then kissed me goodbye, so handsome in his police uniform, got on his police motorcycle and drove away.

The roar of the engine, which always comforted me when I would hear it pull into our garage at the end of a shift, could be heard for a while as he rode down our country road. Little did I know, it would be the last time I would hear his motorcycle engine roar in our garage or down our street. The last time our boys would get a hug from their dad. The last time I would get a kiss from my husband.

Hours later I received the call then the knock on the door. The one every police spouse fears. The call and the knock which changed our lives forever. The hours, days, weeks, months and even years to follow are all too familiar to any law enforcement surviving spouse. It is hell on earth. The endless responsibilities, obligations, events, memorials, media, and worry are overwhelming. If you have children, all your focus and energy go into making sure they are okay. So often we forget about ourselves and our own healing. I know I did.

I was thrown into this new role of being the widow of Officer Katherman, which took up all my time. My new role of being a single mom to two broken hearted little boys took up all my energy. There was nothing left to give for myself. I was depressed, unhealthy, exhausted, broken hearted and not willing to admit any of it. On the outside I looked like the poised, strong widow and mom yet on the inside I wanted to die. Literally, wanted to die.

Then, as if life were not already a living hell, the winter storms of 2017 flooded our home. Our perfect little farmhouse in the country, which was in the finishing stages of being remodeled was destroyed. The boys and I were rescued by firemen who carried us on their backs through the water rising in our home. We climbed through a bedroom window into a boat which took us through the lake which was once our country road to safety. Our belongings were ruined, our home was deemed uninhabitable by the county and we were never able to live in it again.

Within the first year of losing my husband I had been through hell and high water… literally. It did not take long before the people closest in my life, my family and my best friends realized what a good actress I was, trying to portray to everyone I was okay. Their support allowed me to finally admit I was the complete opposite. I was an absolute mess and I needed help. I needed therapy, I needed help with my children, I needed help dealing with all the horrific details of the natural disaster which took our family’s home, I needed to cut back on my obligations and I needed to begin focusing on myself and my own healing.

So many of us survivors try to be strong for everyone else and we too quickly forget about ourselves. It is almost like we need permission for it to be okay to not be okay. Let me tell you, it was not until I gave myself the permission when I started my healing process. Finally caring for myself and my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being is when my smile started to return. I was more patient and understanding with my children. I opened up more in therapy. I was able to talk about Mike with a smile and laughter instead of sadness and tears. I had the strength to make our new house a home and I even began to open myself up to the idea of dating again.

Eventually, I started becoming myself again, but not the same woman I was prior to losing my husband. I was a better version of myself. More passionate about living the life I had been blessed with to the fullest all while honoring God and my husband in Heaven, Mike. Once I began to heal, my sons began to heal as well. As parents, we lead by example. It was if my newfound happiness gave them permission to be happy again as well.

We are now over four years past Mike’s End of Watch. I have found love again and married David, my husband on earth. We have built a life together with my boys who are thriving, his two children and our miracle little girl who completed our family this past December. Do I still struggle with my grief? Do I still miss Mike? Do my boys still display anger and sadness? Absolutely! We rely on our faith in Christ, our memories of Mike and our consistent efforts to work through our grief together so we may continue to find the joy and happiness in our lives.

Working through grief and heartache after loss will look different for everyone. It may take therapy, EMDR, COPS retreats, faith, support from family and friends, exercise, hobbies, traveling, work, writing, reading, whatever if may be for you to help make your way up each new step of the ladder of grief. The first step starts with giving yourself the permission to recognize it is okay to need, to ask, to want, to receive help every step of the way. Each step you work through is going to bring you closer and closer to bringing the lost smile back, the joy sparking and the happiness in your life to return.

It is not going to be easy. I often slip and fall off the ladder and down a couple steps. It is inevitable. Loss is hard. The grief road is long, unending. Keep reaching up for whatever it is giving you the strength to continue the climb. Do it for your children. Do it to honor the loved one you lost. Most importantly, do it for yourself. Because once you heal your own heart, your happiness will radiate to those around you.

*April hopes to bring inspiration and encouragement to others by sharing her story of loss and love through her writings on her blog and through her upcoming book launch set for the beginning of 2021.

Visit her website and subscribe to her Beauty for Our Ashes blog

www.beautyforourashes.com

C.O.P.S. to Empower Separate Organization

Mon, 06 Jul 2020 16:59:45 GMT

Survivors of Blue Suicide Foundation

As the C.O.P.S. membership continues to grow, we continue to see the incredible strength and resiliency that is born from the blue family. The blue family is vast and people take care of each other.

Throughout C.O.P.S.’ travels at events and conferences hosted by other police organizations, a topic that is extremely difficult to address has been at the forefront of conversations; Police suicide. The leadership of C.O.P.S. has also discussed this topic, specifically their survivors, for many years. There has been a desire to help, but C.O.P.S. was already growing at a record pace and timing was not ideal.

C.O.P.S. started when 10 surviving spouses realized they simply needed each other and a place to be together to talk and grieve with others who “get it”. They needed a network of peer support all across the nation.

In 2019, over 150 officers died in the line of duty. Over 220 officers died by suicide. That’s almost 400 officers taken from us in one year.

It’s no surprise to anybody that suicide seems to be a taboo topic. The survivors left behind feel isolated and are hesitant to talk about how their loved one died. They are pummeled with questions like, “Were there signs?”, “Why would they ever do this to themselves?”, “How could they do this to their families?”, or even the all too common and unapologetic comment of, “Suicide is selfish.”

Additionally, the co-workers of officers who die by suicide rarely have a support system either. Police leaders often do not know how to react to a suicide within their own agencies, or how to support the families.

Survivors of suicide are faced with questions of, “Was it something I did?” They suffer with endless ideas of how they could’ve helped their loved one and prevented them from taking their own life.

How could they not have known their loved one was on the brink of suicide? The answer in most cases is, they simply didn’t know. Their loved one didn’t talk about it. Work was work. Home was home. Or they did know and reached out for help and there was no help.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and other mental health issues are plaguing departments all acrossthe nation. Police officers see things we are never meant to see. From domestic violence, child abuse, and murders, to having to fire their weapons to protect themselves or others. They deal with fear of backlash if they shoot during a “kill or be killed” critical incident. They stand poised and emotionless as they salute the family of a fallen comrade, deliver the folded flag, and go right back to their job because it is their duty to protect. Emotions and feelings that should be expressed are hidden away.

Cheryl Schultz is the Immediate Past President of C.O.P.S. and the surviving spouse of Pojoaque (NM) Tribal Police Officer Kevin Schultz, EOW 8/17/2002. As part of the C.O.P.S. National Board, Cheryl has been a proponent of forming a separate organization to support survivors of police suicide.

She knows all too well the struggles officers experience when they go through a critical incident. One of Kevin’s co-workers struggled with depression and attempted suicide several times while another died by suicide. “Kevin’s friends had demons they did not know how to deal with,” Cheryl said. “If we make it okay to talk about trauma, instead of officers feeling alone, we can start preventing police suicide and spare families from losing their officer.” Cheryl added, “Compassion is a state of constant giving of one’s self for others,” and, “that is what the C.O.P.S. family is all about.”

Over the past couple of years, C.O.P.S. has been approached by law enforcement organizations and departments about supporting families of officers who die by suicide. Also, many line-of-duty death (LODD) survivors have voiced their concerns that there are no services available to survivors of suicide and have expressed their desire for C.O.P.S. to help.

C.O.P.S. is the perfect organization to support and act as a mentor to this separate endeavor as our survivors have the biggest hearts and love of the blue family. They understand the need for grief and peer support from those who ‘get it’.

C.O.P.S. Presidents dating back to Madeline Neumann, Brenda Donner and Cheryl Schultz have echoed Emilio Miyares, C.O.P.S. National President, and Dianne Bernhard, Executive Director, when they said, “If we are going to do it, we need to do it right.” They have always known it was the right thing to do, but it was important to find the right time. Shelley Jones, C.O.P.S. Director of Operations, spoke out and made it clear that now is the right time and she wanted to be a part of making it happen.

Shelley has been with C.O.P.S. since June 2014. She retired as an Assistant Chief from the Columbia (MO) Police Department. She is a surviving co-worker, survived being shot in the line of duty in 1996, and has lost a co-worker to suicide. Her passion and commitment to survivors is unwavering, as well as her dedication to the law enforcement profession she has spent her whole life serving. Because of this, the National Board has approved Shelley to move forward in forming a separate non-profit organization that would offer survivors of police suicide the same grief and peer support C.O.P.S. gives to LODD survivors.

The C.O.P.S National Staff has doubled in the past five years to meet the needs of LODD survivors. The National Board recognizes that C.O.P.S.’ metaphorical hands are full and does not have the capacity to address the needs of suicide survivors but they want to help. In January of this year, the C.O.P.S. National Board voted to “pay it forward” by providing a loan to create a separate non-profit organization modeled after C.O.P.S. to help suicide survivors.

We know you will have questions, starting with what will this entail and how will this affect the current status of the C.O.P.S. organization?

First and foremost, this will be a separate organization. The organization name is “Survivors of Blue Suicide Foundation”. It will have its own 501(c)(3), but will be housed out of the C.O.P.S. National Office for the first two years. They will be in charge of their own fundraising, although monetary support will be loaned for start-up expenses.

Outreach to departments is in the early stages and plans for survivor retreats and/or an introductory conference separate from National Police Week are underway. A committee has been formed that represents the different survivorships and gives input on the immediate needs to be addressed.

Chapters and LODD survivors will not have to be involved. All we ask is if they hear of an officer who dies by suicide, they notify the National Office and provide whatever information they have. The new organization will take it from there. We already discuss police suicide in the Traumas of Law Enforcement trainings, but the plan would now include survivors of suicide to speak at that portion of the training.

Survivors of Blue Suicide (SBS) mission is: Fostering hope by uniting survivors of law enforcement suicide to support one another and honor our fallen heroes.

Joining Shelley will be Laurie Putnam, who is currently the Director of Chapter and Survivor Support. Dianne Bernhard, C.O.P.S. Executive Director, said “There is nobody better at organizing and maintaining a database than Laurie. But beyond that, Laurie has an amazing heart and as the first point of contact for survivors for 10 years, she knows how to talk to people when they call needing support. That’s vital as this organization gets up and running and they start to connect with survivors of suicide.”

Shelley said, “Laurie’s commitment to C.O.P.S. is amazing but her commitment to all survivors is limitless. She brings with her the compassion and insight needed to start the outreach and support of suicide survivors.”

To all of you in the C.O.P.S. membership, it is our hope in moving forward with your support. Together, we can not only support these families, we can start to make a difference in silencing the stigma that surrounds suicide.

Laurie Putnam said it best when she explained, “The blue family is the blue family. For the LODD survivors
to support the suicide survivors, it’s still all the blue family. When I’m asked in 20 years how this organization got its start, I’m going to say, ‘it started with C.O.P.S. and survivors being there for other survivors.’”

It has been said by other law enforcement organizations that there is no better grief organization than C.O.P.S. that knows how to connect with the law enforcement community, their survivors and the officers who need help. We believe that as well and ask you to join us in congratulating Shelley and Laurie as they move forward with the full support of the National Board and Staff in this new organization.

Shelley added, “I am so proud and appreciative of C.O.P.S. survivors and leadership for their courage and their selflessness in helping start Survivors of Blue Suicide. As James Keller said, ‘A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.’”

Through speaking with survivors of suicide over the past few months, Shelley and Laurie say they have learned a lot, but most importantly is the survivors of officer suicide want to connect with other survivors who understand what they are going through, just as the survivors of LODD. The circumstances surrounding their officer’s death are different, but the grief is not. Survivors of Blue Suicide Foundation is in the beginning stages but the impact it is going to have on the many lives of survivors of officer suicide and law enforcement agencies is evident.

C.O.P.S. EARNS COVETED 4-STAR

Tue, 19 May 2020 18:31:08 GMT

C.O.P.S. EARNS COVETED 4-STAR RATING FROM CHARITY NAVIGATOR

(Camdenton, MO- May 19, 2020) - Concerns of Police Survivors' strong financial health and commitment to accountability and transparency have earned it a 4-star rating from Charity Navigator (CN), America's largest independent charity evaluator. This is the 8th consecutive time that C.O.P.S. has earned this top distinction. Only 5% of charities that CN evaluates have received at least eight consecutive 4-star evaluations.

Since 2002, using objective analysis, Charity Navigator has awarded only the most fiscally responsible organizations a 4-star rating. In 2011, Charity Navigator added 17 metrics, focused on governance and ethical practices as well as measures of openness, to its ratings methodology. These Accountability & Transparency metrics, which account for 50 percent of a charity's overall rating, reveal which charities operate in accordance with industry best practices and whether they are open with their donors and stakeholders. On June 1, 2016, we upgraded our methodology for rating each charity's' financial health with CN 2.1. These enhancements further substantiates the financial health of our four star charities.

C.O.P.S.' exceptional 4-star rating sets it apart from its peers and demonstrates its trustworthiness to the public," according to Michael Thatcher, President & CEO of Charity Navigator. "Only a quarter of charities rated by Charity Navigator receive the distinction of our 4-star rating. This adds C.O.P.S. to a preeminent group of charities working to overcome our world's most pressing challenges. Based on its 4-star rating, people can trust that their donations are going to a financially responsible and ethical charity when they decide to support C.O.P.S."

"It's important our donors trust that we're using their donations wisely to accomplish the C.O.P.S. mission of rebuilding the shattered lives of America's surviving families and coworkers who have been affected by line-of-duty death," said C.O.P.S. Executive Director Dianne Bernhard. "Our 4-star Charity Navigator rating demonstrates to our supporters our good governance and financial accountability."

C.O.P.S.' rating and other information about charitable giving are available free of charge on www.charitynavigator.org . More-detailed information about C.O.P.S.' rating is available to Charity Navigator site visitors who become registered users, another free service.

The History of the National Peace Officers' Memorial

Fri, 15 May 2020 16:37:16 GMT

By C.O.P.S. Co-Founder and Executive Director Emeritus Suzie Sawyer

In August 1981, Suzie Sawyer went to Baltimore, MD, to attend only her second Fraternal Order of Police Auxiliary National Conference. She planned to run for the FOP Auxiliary National Secretary position, but had never held national office in the Auxiliary before. With strong support from the MD Auxiliary Members, she hoped to win the election and present an idea for the National Auxiliary to consider hosting a new event. Although President Kennedy had signed a proclamation naming May 15th National Peace Officers Memorial Day several years earlier, why hadn’t some organization ever held a National Peace Officers Memorial Service in the Nation’s Capitol?

Suzie won the election and made the motion that the Auxiliary should sponsor the first National Peace Officers Memorial Service in Washington, DC, on May 15, 1982. It took some prodding from the new Auxiliary National President Trudy Chapman to get the motion passed but it did. From August to April, the support they gathered was nowhere near what we had hoped for. About 125 people attended that Memorial Service; and people saw this annual Memorial Service could be successful. Estimated crowds of over 20,000 are now attending that Memorial Service.

The night before the second Memorial Service in 1983, Trudy and Suzie had the honor of sitting around a table talking with 10 surviving spouses of fallen officers who chose to attend the Memorial Service in DC. Those women made Trudy and Suzie realize that you cannot understand the devastation, pain, and issues of losing a spouse in the line of duty until you experience it. The surviving spouses talked about their emotional and financial issues, the need for a national support group, and the need for a grief seminar during future National Police Weeks. They demanded that seminars for all family members should be planned.

During the next several months, there was steady communication with these surviving spouses and a grief seminar was planned. But more importantly, necessary paperwork was completed during that time; and on May 14, 1984, the 110 law enforcement survivors who attended that first grief seminar voted unanimously to organize Concerns of Police Survivors. The rest is history; last year approximately 5,000 law enforcement survivors traveled to Washington, DC, to take part in National Police Week events.

In October of 1984 the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial Fund was organized and Suzie Sawyer, who was now also the Executive Director of Concerns of Police Survivors, was asked to be a signatory on the NLEOMF incorporation papers. As the Law Enforcement Officers Memorial was being completed and after a trip to a beautiful candlelight vigil for fallen officers in Arizona, Suzie suggested holding a candlelight vigil during National Police Week at the Memorial. Attendance at this event, too, grew by leaps and bounds since it was initiated and the NLEOMF Candlelight Vigil is now held on the Mall in Washington, DC.

Suzie planned the National Peace Officers' Memorial Service for 10 years, served as the Executive Director of C.O.P.S. for 28 years, and just recently retired as the National Secretary for NLEOMF. When asked about her thoughts of having been involved with these National Police Week events, Suzie said, “All this was an honor and a privilege. It only takes a spark to start the flame. Thank God, there were thousands, not hundreds, who also saw the need for our Nation to honor and remember fallen officers, to thank retired officers for their service, yet it remains a daily task to educate our communities that officers still working the streets need their support and respect. These National Police Week events are powerful ways of proving to the public that selfless sacrifices of law enforcement officers and their families are given every day to protect our rights and liberties in the United States. God bless America’s law enforcement officers.”

Below is the official National Police Week Proclamation by President John F. Kennedy

A Message from GLOCK Founder Gaston Glock

Tue, 12 May 2020 17:54:05 GMT

"GLOCK will remain by your side, regardless."

Entwurf überarbeitet:

In 1982, I manufactured a modern duty gun to equip the Austrian military and police. It was the beginning of a new era and the beginning of Glock Perfection. Four years later, I brought my product to America. It was my intention that the United States law enforcement personnel have this special gun to protect and serve their neighborhoods at best.

Since that time, we have made it our focus to support our peace officers throughout the world, especially the United States. It is one of Glock’s basic principles to care for police officers, because anyone willing to leave their loved ones to confront the evil in this world deserves our unconditional support. Respect and thanks for your commitment!

I would also like to say thank you to all families of those officers that still protect us; especially those that have given the ultimate sacrifice. I know words can never replace the hurt that you feel.

I will continue to support our enforcers of law that protect and serve. GLOCK will remain by your side, regardless. I asked for God to continue to bless those that serve and their families.

Thank you,

Gaston Glock

Surviving Son Rides in Honor of Fallen Father Amid Cancellation

Thu, 16 Apr 2020 17:30:43 GMT

Landon Winfield was just three years old when his father, Marion County (OH) Deputy Sheriff Brandy Winfield, was shot and killed on October 14, 2004. Landon grew up going to C.O.P.S. Kids Camp with his brother, Tyler, and their mother, Sara.

“Growing up, everyone had a dad and nobody understood what it was like to have a father who had died,” Landon said. “When I got to Kids Camp when I turned six, I was like ‘Wow! I am not alone!’ and that camp made me who I am today.”

C.O.P.S. Kids Camp is one of the largest attended Hands-On Programs that C.O.P.S. offers. Surviving children, ages 6-14, attend with their parent or guardian. Often times, it’s the first time they meet other families who have gone through the same tragedy they are experiencing. Age-based grief counseling, paired with outdoor activities, crafts and other camp activities, allow for kids to learn to grieve their fallen parent and get the peer support they lack at home.

C.O.P.S. Kids Camp is fully funded by Law Enforcement United (LEU), a group of active and retired law enforcement officers who ride over 250 miles on bicycles in honor of fallen officers. Started in 2009, LEU has donated over three million dollars to C.O.P.S. programs. To stay true to their mission of “honoring the fallen and supporting their families”, law enforcement survivors are also allowed and encouraged to join the ride which ends in Washington, D.C., on May 12 during National Police Week.

Due to COVID-19, all events of National Police Week have been canceled, including the LEU ride. But that’s not stopping Landon from continuing his dream of riding in honor of his dad.

“I wanted to find a way to start working out so back in 2016, I saved up enough money to buy a road bike and started riding the trails in my neighborhood,” Landon said. “I realized I really enjoyed it.”

Knowing members of LEU who had mentored him at Kids Camp, Landon says he always knew his ultimate goal was to train to ride with them. “I want to ride in memory of my dad and I’ve always had a goal to make him proud,” Landon said. “ He may not be here, but I know he’s watching.”

2020 would have been the first official ride for Landon. Although canceled, LEU uniforms were sent out to members and Landon couldn’t contain his excitement when his arrived. For many survivors, riding with LEU is so much more than fulfilling a passion of riding a road bike. It’s the comradery and being surrounded by officers who know their story and know why they are there. “I think it helps me heal. These officers know what happened to my dad. I know they are going to do everything in their power to help me get to the finish line in D.C.!” Landon said.

Landon, who has hopes of becoming a law enforcement officer himself, says he remembers waiting for the LEU riders to come in each year and understanding the honor they give to fallen officers and their families. “When survivors see LEU riders arriving into D.C., some of them are emotional because they know why we ride,” Landon said. “When I get to that finish line, I don’t care if they are a stranger, I’m going to walk up to them in my LEU uniform and tell them ‘You’re not alone and we are all here for you.”’

The Race Against Social Media

Fri, 31 Jan 2020 19:09:13 GMT

A Survivor's Experience

The following story is that of Erin Billa-Bolton, surviving spouse of Mobile (AL) Police Officer Justin Billa, EOW 2/20/2018.

It was around midnight that I woke up to use the bathroom. I got back in bed and figured I would check my phone. Normally, Justin wouldn't text me after we had said goodnight but I always checked just in case.

When I looked at my phone, I had a message on Facebook Messenger from one of the girls that he had graduated the academy with saying “Has anyone contacted you?" My initial thought was that's strange , but I was calm. At that point I tried to call Justin three times. No answer.

Okay , I thought, he's on a call . I pulled up Facebook to see if he had been on recently. When I opened Facebook, a live stream from the news popped up.

"Officer shot!"

Panic started to kick in. It wasn't him, couldn't be. But, he wasn't answering, so I needed to know he was okay. I looked through our phone bill and found his partner’s number since I didn't have it. I called her and she answered.

She was crying.

Any ounce of calm in me was gone at that point. I asked her "Is he okay?" She just kept saying, "I don't know Erin, I don't know." So, I hung up with her and called 911. We lived in the county, so when I called it was county dispatch. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I do remember the dispatcher saying, "Ma’am, we're going to send a Deputy to your house."

I yelled back, "I don't need a Deputy! I need to know if my husband is okay!"

At that point, I think they figured out who I was and connected me to city dispatch. Someone came through the phone and said "Mrs. Billa, someone is on their way to your house.” The whole time I never once thought he was gone. I was thinking okay, he's been shot but he's probably in surgery and he's going to be fine.

Then the knock on the door came. It was the Chaplain, an Assistant Chief and a friend of ours. I opened the door, and they came inside. Chaplain said, "I'm sorry, there’s nothing else we could do."

An entire hour had passed since I woke up to the message on Facebook. It was easily the most chaotic hour of my life. I often think about what that night would have been like if I hadn’t received a message that way. There is hardly anything that could have made that night okay, but the hour I spent confused and alone until the knock on my door came is not okay.

It was eleven short months later that we had another officer killed in the same department as my husband. I was just about to board an airplane when I got a call from one of my officer friends letting me know that an officer had been shot. After finding out who it was, I got on Facebook to look up his wife. As I was looking her up, I see officer after officer posting, “RIP brother” or something to that effect.

I called my friend back and asked if the officer’s wife had been notified. He told me that someone was on the way there but that she had not been informed. My heart sank. I looked her up and, sure enough, she is online. All I could think was here she was at home, her husband was not answering his phone and everyone was posting “RIP brother”. It was time for my flight to take off and there was nothing I could do. Another spouse, with an hour filled with nothing but chaos thanks to social media.

While social media can be such a great tool for staying connected, it has taken so much away from some survivors. These are just two examples of people finding out about their loved one’s death through social media, but there are hundreds more. I do not have the answer to this problem, but I do think the problem can start to be addressed through departments.

No one can control the media, but what can be controlled is the posting prematurely by other officers. There are some rules set in place for social media for most departments regarding the integrity of what is posted. Why not make a rule stating that nothing should be posted about a line-of-duty death until an all-call email goes out stating that all family members have been notified?

I understand that the officers also lost a brother in blue, but it is so important that family members are properly notified. This is the beginning of a long and never-ending journey of grief. There will be so many things that will have to be figured out. At least, by proper notification, there is one less thing the family will have to sort through and deal with as they process all of the other emotions that come with losing our officers.

C.O.P.S. thanks Erin for sharing her story.

C.O.P.S. has been training agencies for decades on the immediate steps to take when a line-of-duty death happens. The way a family is notified can have effects for many years. One of the concerns that has been happening much too often is survivors finding out about their loved one’s death through social media.

People are quick to change their profile picture to the department’s badge, post requests for “prayers for the officer and their family”, or start sharing the local “breaking news” posts. Although these things are done with good intentions, these posts can be devastating to survivors who have not been officially notified by the department.